Showing posts with label Creepy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Creepy. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Better Than Expected...

11 years ago today was by far one of the worst days of my entire life.  What took place the night before and the result that was caused was so devastating I'm not sure I can bring myself to really type about it.  I've only spoke about it with a few chosen people, it's just so personal.  Am I holding on to anger and bitterness in this situation? No. I've let go of that and moved on as far as this goes.  It's just that the memories break my heart sometimes.

If on that day, you had told me I would be here happily married to a good man with 4 children, I would have doubted it to ever happen. I felt as though all my dreams were crushed.  I wasn't even sure I deserved to be happy as I must have done something to deserve all the horrible things that were taking place. (I later woke up and realized I did nothing, whatsoever, that would justify what had happened to me.)  I questioned God as to why he was allowing this all to happen, to strip my motherhood from me before I had even held a child in my arms.  To have the person who was supposed to care for me more than anyone betray me and cause such pain.  It's all so clear now, though.  I will never forget my Grandma telling me "Just give it time, you're going to look back at this, and while it's still going to hurt, you are going to be so happy it happened now instead of later. It will all make sense then."  Thank you, Jesus, because she was so right.  (She almost always was, after all.)

Some things I've learned, whether directly through this circumstance or during reflection in the time since, are:

  • That there is truth to the statement God will never give us more than we can handle.  
  • While trials I've been through over the years have been pretty tough, there is always going to be someone who is worse off.
  • Even when I feel all alone, as though no one even hears my prayers, Jesus is there.  Just waiting for the right time. 
  • Abuse, miscarriages, deceit, betrayal, & infidelity are all horrible hurtful things, but putting faith in God can almost make you forget the pain of it all.
  • There is nothing like finding your true love, and NO ONE should settle for less than the best.  If you can see yourself living happily without them in the future, then it's probably not meant to be.  As my Aunt told me, "If in 10 years you don't see them, don't waste your time now."
Will I ever forget February 23rd, 1999?  Never.  Have I grown from what happened?  Yes.  Life has been so much easier since I was able to stop, look back, and see the big picture... and while it was tough at the time, it's only a memory now.  Besides, it just makes Heaven that much sweeter... And now here I am, with a great marriage, amazing husband, and the best kids anyone could ask for.  All is much better than expected... as a matter of fact, it's a dream come true.

    Monday, February 22, 2010

    Me + IUD = STOT

    Okay, first of all, I want to state 2 things.

    1: This blog is based solely on my experience and/or opinion.  This is just how this situation affected me, and it may not affect anyone else in the same way.  I am not looking to "talk trash" about any one company or person.  Just relating my adventure out to the world.

    2: This blog is about my recent experience over the course of 4 months with an IUD. An IUD is an intrauterine device... used for birth control...In case you still aren't grasping this... I'm going to be writing about a piece of equipment that was installed in my uterus to keep me from getting pregnant.  If you can not handle hearing the details of this, please do not read.

    So, on with the show...

    There I was, 6 weeks after Johnny was born at my postpartum check up, faced with the question I had been dreading to hear my Dr. ask.  "What would you like to do for birth control?"  Why do I hate this question, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you... because NOTHING works.

    - Pills? They have either failed in the past, meaning I got pregnant, or it would send me into a strange depression, or cause me to have other complications. (Constant spotting, weight gain, massive acne (worse than usual), migraines, etc.) No, I didn't just need to try a different brand. I've been on at least 10 different prescriptions for birth control pills. Possibly more.

    - Nuva-ring? Ugh, I hated that one. (Remind yourself I warned you about TMI) First few months were okay, then 2 months in a row I had HORRIBLE cramping with Nuva-ring, but light bleeding for the first few hours... then suddenly I would feel dizzy, nauseated - eventually vomiting, and as though my uterus were in a vice when I would suddenly shed what seemed to be my entire uterine lining at once.  Just one huge clot.  Obviously, I refused to continue using that.

    - Depo-provera? I was sick/bleeding the entire time the shot was effective.  It was believed I possibly had a miscarriage during the use also.  But keep in mind when I say sick, I mean Dr's sending me in for lab work every week trying to figure out what was wrong with me, losing 20lbs and then gaining 40, swollen spleen and liver, & massive body aches and pain among other things. Not just sick with the sniffles. Sick.

    - Rhythm method? Sure... until I realized I was a forgetful clutz and would forget to track dates and temperatures.

    - Condoms, film, spermicide, etc... Well, looks like that's my only option now...

    - I should also mentioned that none of my children were planned. Two of them there were "talks" of having a baby in the near future, but no active trying.  In fact, it was being prevented every time.  That should give you an idea as to why this whole subject is just not a fun one for me.

    I sit there with my Dr and we go over all of these options.  He says it's clear with my reaction to the pills I should not be taking anything with hormones, and should have never tried the other hormone methods as they do the same thing.  Then he says what my ears always were scared but excited to hear... "How about we try a copper IUD?"

    For years I've looked into IUDs.  They both terrified me and yet seemed so liberating.  Nothing to remember, complete freedom.  But yet... it's a copper appliance inside your uterus and that just seems so strange.  How is it not painful?  I talked to a few people I knew with them in the past and they always said they loved them... but then there were those reviews I'd read on the internet that referred to them as torture devices... and that risk of a perforated uterus... and though these are completely different than the copper IUDs that turned women's insides into mush a couple decades ago, how do we know just how safe they really are? Oh, the torment of debating this back and forth... but going with this seemed to be my last option other than barrier methods and going back to counting/charting.  I sat and stared... "I want to go with this, but I'm scared!" My Dr laughed, mocked me, and then asked the million dollar question: "Scared of what? The pain of insertion? Would you rather go through the pain of another childbirth?"

    Obviously, I agreed, accepted a pamplet on Paragard (the brand name of the IUD) and went on my merry way.  2 weeks later it was inserted.  Oh my good Lord in Heaven... I'm not cursing or saying God's name in vain, I'm literally saying I wouldn't have made it through that without crying if I had not been praying.  After I was dizzy and had to lay down for about 20 minutes on the exam table.  When I got up and dressed to leave, the nurse asked me to please stay and rest a little longer, as I apparently looked very pail.  Since my Mom was driving me I felt safe to go ahead and go.

    The what I thought at the time was intense cramping lasted about 2-3 days.  Like a really bad period, but I thought it was worth it.  The bleeding stopped on day 7.  After that, everything seemed to be going great.  Went in for my check up to make sure insertion went well and that there was no infection 4 weeks later.  All was going great, I had no complaints....

    That is until the next week, the day after Thanksgiving, when I started my first period.  I was floored.  Couldn't hardly move.  I had been warned that the pain/flow of menstruation could increase, even dramatically, with the IUD, but I didn't realize it would be like this.  After a day, I was feeling better, and decided to push through it and go on out and get my Thanksgiving sale shopping done.  A couple days go by, and my hormones seem to be severely off balance.  I'm usually emotional during this time of the month, but this was insane.  The pain wasn't letting up, and after 6 days it was getting worse.  I finally gave in and went to urgent care where I was given pain meds and told to take it easy.  The Dr there suggested I just have it removed, but I felt that after all that trouble I needed to give it a few months. What a mistake!

    That was November.  Between then and early February I was bleeding 2 weeks out of every 4.  My energy levels most of the time were at a complete low.  What little energy I had went to taking care of my 2 young boys.  Some days Bobby had to work from home or use sick days to care for me and the little ones.  I had already made an appointment with my Dr for February to just give up and have it taken out. I was done... but then I ended up worse and in the emergency room with pain at a level of 9-10/10, vomiting, light headed, and other symptoms.  I just wanted the ER Dr to take it out, but he didn't feel comfortable doing so.  I was given shot of  morphine, more pain killers to take home, something to stop the vomiting, and the suggestion to not do much.  You know, because I was out running marathons and climbing mountains all this time.

    On the day of my removal, I was nervous and scared.  My Dr asked, "Is it just not working out for you?"  I replied, "I would rather give birth than to deal with this.  Having 4 more kids would be easier than this!" He said "Well, okay then. Sorry about that."  What more could he say, though, right?

    Surprisingly, it all went well.  No pain. No bleeding. Just a sudden feeling of relief, as though my body had been trying to rid itself of it the entire time. (Kind of a no brainer that it had been, right?)  My Dr warned me that it may take my cycle a few months to get back to "normal" as far as the pain level/flow is concerned.  Well, here I am, first cycle. Pain is worse than what my periods were before, but NOTHING compared to having satan's tool of torture in my womb. (That was my pet name for my IUD... some might name theirs something cute like Betsy or Penny, this was what I named mine.  STOT for short.)  I am optimistic, though, that in a few months I will be back to normal and not camped out on the couch every month.  I guess all I can do is take it as a learning experience... a learning experience for what, I don't know.  But if I look at it in any other way and sit and think of the months of my life wasted in unnecessary pain I might just start crying, and I feel like I've done enough of that.

    Now, having said all that... if you should be happening to consider an IUD, don't take my experience as something that happens to everyone.  From what I understand, most women don't have this reaction... but some do.  Educate yourself and know what to expect.  And the first month if you are in treacherous pain, don't wait thinking it'll get easier... If you can't take it, remove it. Don't waste your time, miss out on Christmas day activities, friends and families events, church, and have everything in your life fall behind. It's just not worth it.  I do hope it works out though, because for those who I have talked to that have had them without problems say they are wonderful... :(  Oh well.

    Edited to add: I don't know what the heck is going on with the formatting on this entry.  It irritates me, too, trust me. I didn't do this blindly and not realize I was doing it wrong. I'm giving up on trying to fix it though... Sorry it bugs!

    Wednesday, February 17, 2010

    Heaven's To Betsy

    Quite possibly one of my favorite blogs I've written.  Not sure if it's my most absolute favorite, but it's up there.  May seem silly, but it came to me after a LOT of pondering...

    Monday, August 28, 2006 10:00 PM

    Current mood:  anxious
    Category: Games 
     
    So, last time I typed a blog about an overused word or phrase, it was just HELL! All Hell broke lose. It was just such a hell of a blog, it should have been damned into the lake of fire. Seriously.,,
    Well, this time, let's focus on Heaven...
    and Betsy.

    Why? Why would we wish that Heaven come down to creation and meet up with Betsy?

    1: Just who is Betsy. What kind of woman she must be for all of us to be demanding that heaven come to her, instead of her going there? No one is that special, I'm sorry. Get there the same way the rest of us are going, lady. Don't cut in front of me! The line is too long as it is!
    2: How are we certain she is going to Heaven? Maybe she deserves fire and brimstone? Maybe a bolt of lightning is going to come out of the sky and smite us for actually calling down heaven on such a despicable creature? We don't know her heart, after all.

    Bottom line. I don't know Betsy and I don't like the idea of her taking the easy way out. However, I just cannot help myself from saying this phrase. It just rolls off the tongue like sweet butter on a hot biscuit. Mmm.. homemade and old fashioned. Makes me feel....

    People, are you kidding me? I feel nothing. Nothing but shame for saying something so stupid as "HEAVEN'S TO BETSY!"

    Then again, hell isn't such a smart thing to say either.

    And now I will continue with my mundane life... pondering the great mysteries and in sighting you all when they have been processed.

    Much love to you, Betsy, and the Heaven's above... and may you have a good night.

    I Think Too Much...

    I probably wouldn't have reposted this one, except that there is a reference to it in my next blog so I figured I'd eliminate the confusion.  For the record, in the present day, I don't use the word so freely.  Just another way I've mellowed out...
     
    Friday, July 14, 2006 10:12 PM

    Current mood:  amused
    Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping 
     
    Ever wonder why this word and synonyms for it are used so often?

    I mean... yeah. A day can be bad. But is it really comparable to your flesh burning, a worm crawling through your body, and demons torturing you?

    Then again, I've had some of those days. Heck, I'm even known for overusing the phrase... OOPS! There I went again. Teehee.

    Can you tell I'm bored, suffering a headache from hell... YES HELL! and unable to sleep all on a Friday night while my friends are out doing exciting and fun things.

    Headaches. Ankle aches. Both are straight from Lucifer himself, I tell you.

    LUCIFER! YES, LUCIFER!

    I need Katie to come in here and do her best Sister MacMahon impression "I ReeeeBUKE you!"

    Think I'll go get some fresh air now. Hope you have enjoyed this blog. Thank you, and I hope you have a HELL of a day! (That is a compliment, which makes no sense whatsoever...)

    (Good thing my Grandma can't read this, as the first time I said H-E-double hockey sticks she made me stop everything, pray, and then made me sit and think about what I said. Obviously, I did alot of thinking...)

    Sad & Unfortunate Memory...

    Sunday, June 04, 2006 3:46 PM

    Current mood:  aggravated
    Category: Life 
     
    Because I have a black man in my car from time to time.

    Yes, you read that right folks... Here's the rundown...

    Cory and I were driving ALL OVER THE FRIKKEN WORLD yesterday. Having a good ol' time. We were driving through Santiago Canyon, discussing my theory on Rocks being stupid, throw boys at them and so on. (Not that deep of a conversation, don't worry, you didn't miss anything.) We decided to continue on down Chapman Ave. to In N Out to grab some tasty deluctibles.

    Well, we're almost there, & I have not done a single thing illegal.  Out of nowhere, this guy is on my tail. I just drive like normal. About 2 miles, on my tail. Literally. Finally, pulls me over right in front of In N Out. By the time he finally got to my window, did he tell me what I did wrong? NO.

    HE LOOKED IN THE CAR AT CORY.

    Oh yes, my friends, he did. I have never seen racial profiling THIS bad ever.

    He goes through the whole spiel of license and registration. I didn't have my license, because if you know me, I lost it last week. He didn't care that the car wasn't in my name. He didn't care that I didn't have proof of insurance.

    He was more concerned as to why I was in OC and why I was letting a black man riding in my car. Wanted to know exactly how long we had known eachother, how we knew eachother, what friends we shared, etc.

    Now, here's the kicker, he thought I had to be way older than 24. Um, I may have been a little haggered, but that cut deep.

    Do I look like a frikken prostitute? I know Cory doesn't look like a drug dealer, etc
    .
    Something in my gut told me the reason we were pulled over, and everything this cop said made it perfectly clear. So badly, that when he was gone I turned to Cory and stated. "I'm sorry, but did we just get pulled over for having a black guy in a white girl's car?"

    I felt so sick. :(

    To make it worse... THE HUGE RATS, YES RATS, OUTSIDE OF IN N OUT ON CHAPMAN IN ORANGE.

    Good thing the cop didn't hear that I was playing Whitney Houston. Would have been worse if he had gone through my music collection. Janet, Jacko, Whitney. Lil' Jon, Usher.... Might have been able to balance with the Def Leppard  & country though...

    One Hundred

    For my 100th blog I decided to be completely unoriginal and exciting.  Instead, I decided to copy/paste a few of my favorites from my old blog that was on the space that was mine.  To protect the innocent, I have not included the comments. I was going to put them all in one blog, but some are rather long and I've decided to split them up.  Maybe by the end of the day I'll feel like writing something exciting and new, who knows...

    Enjoy.


    Sunday, March 26, 2006 3:35 PM

    Current mood:  chipper
    Category: Music

    If you know me, you know I'm twisted...
    and you know I LOVE to twist lyrics...
    So, here we go...

    "When I fall in Mud"
    (Like when I fall in love, ok? I'm not going to explain this, guys. You should all know me by now.)

    When I falllll in mud...
    I will turn completely....
    for I will glance to seeee....
    who saw.. (I will glance to see who saw)
    In a restless world, like this is...
    rumors start and endlessly egg on...
    Before you know it pictures of yourself are allover the internet...
    and Seacrest says it's crap not mud that's dried on by the sunnnnnnnnn.....
    When I fall in mud.....
    When I FALL IN MUDDDDDD....
    When I fall in muddddd.....
    and a little bit offffff...
    poooooooooooooo...............




    That is all. Thank you, God bless, and have a great day.

    P.S. I am currently accepting requests for songs for my next blog.



    Sunday, February 14, 2010

    Note To Self...

    Dear Angie,

    When you are going to post a blog full of songs that creep you out, but yet you love so much... first of all, include them all.  How could you forget this one?



    Second, after writing the blog, don't sit and watch stupid suspenseful movies with Bobby.  He already made you watch another cheesy one earlier in the day. Why watch another?

    Third, when you are laying in bed quietly thinking to yourself of your "To-Do" list for the next day, do not be startled by how creepy Bobby's random sudden laugh is when he remembers a silly occurrence with your son earlier in the day.  There is no reason Bobby's laugh should scare the crap out of you now, you've been hearing it for years.  Just because you are laying there in solemn and out of nowhere this loud eerie noise and breath tickle your ear, you should still not have the crap scared out of you!

    Fourth, why would you be surprised that Bobby would take every chance for the 30 minutes following the occurrence with the laugh and the scream to scare you?  You should know better!  Though you were right to not let him fall asleep before you.

    Fifth, make sure you tell Bobby "Happy Valentine's Day".  Give him a big hug and kiss. Also be sure to tell him you love him.  Thank him for letting you sleep in and making the most delicious scrambled eggs you've had.  After all, he knew you were on a low calorie diet and took extra measures to make the entire meal healthy.  He's such a swell guy.  Going to all that trouble and even leaving 14 videos on your facebook wall while you were sleeping.  You are, most certainly, the luckiest girl in the world!

    Love,
    Angie

    P.S. Next time you go to the store, could you please remember to pick up a shower cap? Thanks.

    Saturday, February 13, 2010

    Creepy...

    Just felt like making a public proclamation of some of my favorite songs, that just so happen to be creepy...



    Okay, I love this song... and I love Stryper. (Yes! I said it! Gotta problem?) I can't put my finger on the reason why this song gives me the creeps though. But just in the same way that some people will watch a scary movie to feel scared even though they hate it, I listen to songs that creep me out. Maybe that is why sometimes I find myself playing this song on repeat for an hour or so...



    I don't think this song needs an explanation. If a guy told me he wanted to be my mother, I think I would have ran. Then again, a lot of my ex's were really strange... and rather creepy... maybe I should seek therapy.



    This song gives me the heebee jeebies, but I have to hear it once in awhile. (Please note: Commentary & emails on what this song may or may not say backwards and how Christians shouldn't listen to it is not welcome. Been there, thanks.)



    This song makes me cry, in a sad scared way, but I love it! (I know Kathy loves it, too!)



    The first time I heard this song, I was listening to the radio as I was falling asleep. I was awake for HOURS after.



    Even before Bobby came along, these two songs were those types of creepy songs I loved. They're just that much more creepy now...




    As I'm writing this blog, my friend/sis Emily posted this one on Facebook. I completely forgot about it! Creepy, though not as much as others. Mostly funny, silly. Gotta love it, though you really don't want to...



    I think the title of this song, and the tune, are enough to creep anyone out. How I love it so, regardless...



    Stalker, much? Yeah, definitely. Still catchy!



    Apparently it's impossible to embed "The Kill" by 30 Seconds To Mars. I think this is my favorite creepy song... here's the link.

    The Police: The godfather's of creepy songs...







    It's quite possible this song was written by someone who was a seasoned stalker. Obviously not as seasoned as Bobby's ex-girlfriends, but seasoned. Seriously, who in their right mind would sing this? Obviously, your baby doesn't want to be found. Still, it's one of those songs that when, way back when - once upon a time, I had a desk job it would play in the background on KOST or KBIG and I would be more motivated instantly. I also walked around the rest of the day with it in my head. Totally creepy. I would love to hear a "devotion" of this song on the radio, just to hear what a real life freak's voice sounds like. (Wait, I just remembered... I worked for years to get away from freaks. Don't need more, I'm good.)




    Now, I don't dance... but this song makes me dance...



    Once again, a song that is impossible to find that can be embedded. This has to be the most popular love song... ever. Heck, I won't lie, it was played at the reception at my first wedding. LOVE THIS SONG! But listen to the lyrics... seriously? Click Here!

    Awww... who doesn't love this one? One of mine and Bobby's favorite on the creepy list...



    This one always makes me want to run away and hide in a closet while I cry and pray for safety... but once again, I'll hit "back" on the player and listen to it a few times before I move on to the next.



    Bobby feels I should include this one... so here you go...



    I used to love this song. Thank you, Geico, for ruining it for me. :(



    Ewww...



    And yet another...



    And another...



    LOVE this one...



    Ohhh yeah. Can't forget this song...



    I absolutely love this song... but once again I can't place why it gives me a creepy feel...



    This song creeps me out, but just because when I was younger I believed the urban legend that a woman was murdered while it was recorded... Click here for urban legend info...



    Well, I think that is all I have for tonight... expect a sequel to this blog in the future... Or don't.

    UPDATED: Just to add this one. Can't believe I forgot it!

     
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