Me + IUD = STOT

Okay, first of all, I want to state 2 things.

1: This blog is based solely on my experience and/or opinion.  This is just how this situation affected me, and it may not affect anyone else in the same way.  I am not looking to "talk trash" about any one company or person.  Just relating my adventure out to the world.

2: This blog is about my recent experience over the course of 4 months with an IUD. An IUD is an intrauterine device... used for birth control...In case you still aren't grasping this... I'm going to be writing about a piece of equipment that was installed in my uterus to keep me from getting pregnant.  If you can not handle hearing the details of this, please do not read.

So, on with the show...

There I was, 6 weeks after Johnny was born at my postpartum check up, faced with the question I had been dreading to hear my Dr. ask.  "What would you like to do for birth control?"  Why do I hate this question, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you... because NOTHING works.

- Pills? They have either failed in the past, meaning I got pregnant, or it would send me into a strange depression, or cause me to have other complications. (Constant spotting, weight gain, massive acne (worse than usual), migraines, etc.) No, I didn't just need to try a different brand. I've been on at least 10 different prescriptions for birth control pills. Possibly more.

- Nuva-ring? Ugh, I hated that one. (Remind yourself I warned you about TMI) First few months were okay, then 2 months in a row I had HORRIBLE cramping with Nuva-ring, but light bleeding for the first few hours... then suddenly I would feel dizzy, nauseated - eventually vomiting, and as though my uterus were in a vice when I would suddenly shed what seemed to be my entire uterine lining at once.  Just one huge clot.  Obviously, I refused to continue using that.

- Depo-provera? I was sick/bleeding the entire time the shot was effective.  It was believed I possibly had a miscarriage during the use also.  But keep in mind when I say sick, I mean Dr's sending me in for lab work every week trying to figure out what was wrong with me, losing 20lbs and then gaining 40, swollen spleen and liver, & massive body aches and pain among other things. Not just sick with the sniffles. Sick.

- Rhythm method? Sure... until I realized I was a forgetful clutz and would forget to track dates and temperatures.

- Condoms, film, spermicide, etc... Well, looks like that's my only option now...

- I should also mentioned that none of my children were planned. Two of them there were "talks" of having a baby in the near future, but no active trying.  In fact, it was being prevented every time.  That should give you an idea as to why this whole subject is just not a fun one for me.

I sit there with my Dr and we go over all of these options.  He says it's clear with my reaction to the pills I should not be taking anything with hormones, and should have never tried the other hormone methods as they do the same thing.  Then he says what my ears always were scared but excited to hear... "How about we try a copper IUD?"

For years I've looked into IUDs.  They both terrified me and yet seemed so liberating.  Nothing to remember, complete freedom.  But yet... it's a copper appliance inside your uterus and that just seems so strange.  How is it not painful?  I talked to a few people I knew with them in the past and they always said they loved them... but then there were those reviews I'd read on the internet that referred to them as torture devices... and that risk of a perforated uterus... and though these are completely different than the copper IUDs that turned women's insides into mush a couple decades ago, how do we know just how safe they really are? Oh, the torment of debating this back and forth... but going with this seemed to be my last option other than barrier methods and going back to counting/charting.  I sat and stared... "I want to go with this, but I'm scared!" My Dr laughed, mocked me, and then asked the million dollar question: "Scared of what? The pain of insertion? Would you rather go through the pain of another childbirth?"

Obviously, I agreed, accepted a pamplet on Paragard (the brand name of the IUD) and went on my merry way.  2 weeks later it was inserted.  Oh my good Lord in Heaven... I'm not cursing or saying God's name in vain, I'm literally saying I wouldn't have made it through that without crying if I had not been praying.  After I was dizzy and had to lay down for about 20 minutes on the exam table.  When I got up and dressed to leave, the nurse asked me to please stay and rest a little longer, as I apparently looked very pail.  Since my Mom was driving me I felt safe to go ahead and go.

The what I thought at the time was intense cramping lasted about 2-3 days.  Like a really bad period, but I thought it was worth it.  The bleeding stopped on day 7.  After that, everything seemed to be going great.  Went in for my check up to make sure insertion went well and that there was no infection 4 weeks later.  All was going great, I had no complaints....

That is until the next week, the day after Thanksgiving, when I started my first period.  I was floored.  Couldn't hardly move.  I had been warned that the pain/flow of menstruation could increase, even dramatically, with the IUD, but I didn't realize it would be like this.  After a day, I was feeling better, and decided to push through it and go on out and get my Thanksgiving sale shopping done.  A couple days go by, and my hormones seem to be severely off balance.  I'm usually emotional during this time of the month, but this was insane.  The pain wasn't letting up, and after 6 days it was getting worse.  I finally gave in and went to urgent care where I was given pain meds and told to take it easy.  The Dr there suggested I just have it removed, but I felt that after all that trouble I needed to give it a few months. What a mistake!

That was November.  Between then and early February I was bleeding 2 weeks out of every 4.  My energy levels most of the time were at a complete low.  What little energy I had went to taking care of my 2 young boys.  Some days Bobby had to work from home or use sick days to care for me and the little ones.  I had already made an appointment with my Dr for February to just give up and have it taken out. I was done... but then I ended up worse and in the emergency room with pain at a level of 9-10/10, vomiting, light headed, and other symptoms.  I just wanted the ER Dr to take it out, but he didn't feel comfortable doing so.  I was given shot of  morphine, more pain killers to take home, something to stop the vomiting, and the suggestion to not do much.  You know, because I was out running marathons and climbing mountains all this time.

On the day of my removal, I was nervous and scared.  My Dr asked, "Is it just not working out for you?"  I replied, "I would rather give birth than to deal with this.  Having 4 more kids would be easier than this!" He said "Well, okay then. Sorry about that."  What more could he say, though, right?

Surprisingly, it all went well.  No pain. No bleeding. Just a sudden feeling of relief, as though my body had been trying to rid itself of it the entire time. (Kind of a no brainer that it had been, right?)  My Dr warned me that it may take my cycle a few months to get back to "normal" as far as the pain level/flow is concerned.  Well, here I am, first cycle. Pain is worse than what my periods were before, but NOTHING compared to having satan's tool of torture in my womb. (That was my pet name for my IUD... some might name theirs something cute like Betsy or Penny, this was what I named mine.  STOT for short.)  I am optimistic, though, that in a few months I will be back to normal and not camped out on the couch every month.  I guess all I can do is take it as a learning experience... a learning experience for what, I don't know.  But if I look at it in any other way and sit and think of the months of my life wasted in unnecessary pain I might just start crying, and I feel like I've done enough of that.

Now, having said all that... if you should be happening to consider an IUD, don't take my experience as something that happens to everyone.  From what I understand, most women don't have this reaction... but some do.  Educate yourself and know what to expect.  And the first month if you are in treacherous pain, don't wait thinking it'll get easier... If you can't take it, remove it. Don't waste your time, miss out on Christmas day activities, friends and families events, church, and have everything in your life fall behind. It's just not worth it.  I do hope it works out though, because for those who I have talked to that have had them without problems say they are wonderful... :(  Oh well.

Edited to add: I don't know what the heck is going on with the formatting on this entry.  It irritates me, too, trust me. I didn't do this blindly and not realize I was doing it wrong. I'm giving up on trying to fix it though... Sorry it bugs!

Just Between You & Me

This morning, in the course of random thinking.  (It's a scary, but fun sport.)  I wondered how many people a long the way have I unintentionally hurt.  We've all done it, and everyone at some point has been hurt in this way.  And no, I'm not talking about sarcasm or passive aggressive behavior.  I mean flat out not realizing that your words or actions are hurtful to someone who either took it the wrong way or my brain/mouth filter having a momentary lapse.

Lord, forgive me for anyone I have hurt this way.  And if anyone reading at some point was hurt by something I said or did, I'm sorry.  I would never intentionally do anything to hurt someone, and believe me, if I were angry... you would know.  (Lord, forgive me for that also...)

Today Is The Greatest Day I've Ever Known...

This morning I woke up in a "mood".   I felt sensitive and vulnerable.

I know that some are affected this way by the weather, but I don't believe that was the cause of my outlook.  In fact, I'm feeling down that our rainy days are coming to an end soon.  I love stormy weather, and this week has just been great for me in that sense. I find myself dreading Saturday when it is forecasted to be partly sunny by afternoon.

I started off just annoyed to be awake.  I think we all have a day like that from time to time, right?  I didn't sleep well last night, and the fact that today was already here just really flat out ticked me off.  Then I checked my email and something that I wouldn't normally think twice about made me want to cry.  In general I was feeling down and discouraged, feeling as though doom and gloom were on the horizon. As I went on with my morning, I just kept thinking "I don't want today to be like this!"  I most certainly didn't want to be the cause of anyone else's bad attitude with my negativity, either.

When I was a little girl and a teenager, if I was feeling down, my Grandma would tell me: "Why should you be sad?  We have Jesus!  Read your Bible for a little while and I'm sure you'll feel better."  Grandma was also known for her love of Pollyanna and looking on the bright side.

I figured I'd give it a try this morning. I mean, I read my Bible on a regular basis, but what could it hurt to just stop and read and expect something to cheer me up?

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!

Isaiah 52:7

Now how does that not make you feel better, huh?  Makes it hard to have a negative outlook, I'll say that much...

And The Weekly Top 40!

So, I should probably do the smart thing and not write a blog while medicated.

But when have I ever been known to do that, HUH? ;)

It seems I've reached a point in my life where less and less I find myself worrying about what others think.  Now, don't get me wrong.  Let's clarify.  I still make an effort to not offend others and would never purposely do something that would cause someone to think less of me.  What I'm talking about is simply me being who I am, and not worrying what anyone else thinks of what my opinion, status, dress, spirit, wealth, size, etc. is.

It has taken me over 28 years to get to this point, and let me just say it is oh so liberating.  To just be myself without an apology, ahhhh.  I must thank my husband most of all for helping me to this point, but that's not to say a lot of others haven't been there for me either.

And now I'm going to post this blog, as boring as it may be, and not worry for a single second what anyone else thinks about it, because it's my blog. HA! So there! ;)

It's been awhile...

A watched pot never boils....

Nor does a timed uterus contract.

Yes, Crystal, I really did come up with that on my own.

The Home Stretch...

Finally! We're almost there!

I've had a couple of personal countdowns going on lately. 3 major ones especially. All of them are closing in, and I cannot tell you how happy and relieved I am that the D-days are getting closer!

1: Jeff and Becca arrive in just a little more than a week. It's going to feel so amazing to have all of my babies under one roof and know when I lay my head down at night that they are all just down the hall. (Well, except for the one that is with me constantly, but we'll get to that in a minute.) Even though it's only temporary, I will enjoy it thoroughly!

2: By the day Jeff and Becca arrive I hope to launch The Carnahan Family website. As I've stated before, this has been 2 years in the making. It will definitely always be a "work in progress" as there are always more pictures to be found/scanned/snapped etc. But the majority will be complete. On the agenda now is to finish sorting/tagging/labeling the photos, complete the message board, and set up a home page. (ATTENTION: This site is going to be stalker proof. Not stalker retardant or resistant. Proof. I hate to disappoint, but no. You will not be able to find out added information about Bobby or I on that website unless you are an approved user. Sorry, gotta draw the line on stalker access at some point. No fun, I know. Especially since our other family site is "down" and this is pretty much the only "public" site left.)

3: Last, but certainly not least, the arrival of Johnny D. As of yesterday, I am not only 29 weeks pregnant but he has dropped. Yes, this has added some more discomfort. (I've been on a hiatus from life as it seems since last Monday when I ended up in L&D for a pulled round ligament muscle and sciatic nerve pain.) However, I'm getting to where I realize it's not too much longer that I'll have this baby under my heart. I'm enjoying every kick and squirm. Even at night, though I wish he'd let me sleep a little more since I know he's going to be keeping me up at all hours once he arrives. I can't wait to hold my new baby, see what he looks like, introduce him to his brothers and sister... and not have to hear one more single person whine and complain about his name, the spelling, what nickname he will go by, or what they think the name should be or sounds like! It will be on a legal document and done! And if you complain then, well, you're just being cruel to a sweet little innocent baby who never did anything to you. (Whew, sorry... don't know where that came from... silly hormones...)

With all 3 of these exciting events, I feel so blessed to be a part. God has truly blessed me. I have an amazing husband with whom I have amazing children, and came from an amazing family. (It's all just AMAZING!)

Sometimes in everyday life, it's easy to forget just where you came from, and why you are where you are. Thankfully, I can say I'm in a good place. I know this is so mostly because of the prayers of my grandparents, parents, other family members, and good friends along the way. I was raised in a Godly home and instilled with values that will never leave me. Though some of us have drifted due to time and distance, by starting this website I've begun keeping up with other relatives that I might not have otherwise and feel blessed to have those connections. Who knows what else will come of it? Maybe nothing, but you never know.

So here I go, down the last stretch of road. I am so looking forward to just sitting back and enjoying what I've worked for and what God has given me. It's going to be good. I just pray that God keeps his hand on my little (though I guess a family of 5 isn't so little, is it...) family (my big extended one too!) as all these countdowns come to an end. It will be so nice to have something tangible from each once they are all 3 complete. :)

I Can Relate... Kinda...

The last few weeks we have had a little friend hanging out in our back yard. I don't know for sure what kind of bird it is, but it keeps me up. Eventually, every night, I end up humming this...




Which, in turn, is making me relate completely to this...



I hope and pray this bird finds some reason to move to another location soon. Falling asleep before 3am would be nice. Why it doesn't affect Bobby or Tommy is beyond me!

P.S. Crystal, I need my Failure To Launch dvd back... lol

Feel Like Laughing? Crying? Throwing Something? Cleaning Your Entire House Top To Bottom?

I hereby declare this pregnancy hormone awareness day!!! (Go through the videos in order for full effect...)

First, the song Bobby sang to me the night we got married. I know, awww... It just happened to be playing in the limo, and being nervous he sang along. This song always just makes me smile.




Now, to make you sad: You have to watch them in the exact order... Better yet, look them up for better quality versions...







Stop what you're doing! Put down the knife! Do NOT slit your wrists! "But why?!" You ask? "WHY did we have to go from happy to sad in 1.2 seconds flat?" I'll tell you why... Because that's what it's like! Not fun, is it?

Now, cheer up and watch this:



Fun! YAY! Happy! Weird, creepy, silly, but HAPPY!

Everyone getting on your nerves?





Angry and ticked, huh? But at least you feel vindicated... Don't be mad at me! I could have used a lot of worse songs just to make you feel anger! Trust me!

OK, Ignore the weird graphics...



Naturally, you worry just what that baby will look like...



Then you remember, everything will be fine...



Besides, if you're having one of Bobby's kids at least, it's inevitable...





That was just strange, and you can't explain it. You don't feel bad, but not quite like yourself either...

But who cares, you're STARVING!!!!



Now you're feeling sleepy...



What just happened? Why is it every time you fall asleep you wake up more confused? Stupid pregnancy dreams...




WAKE UP! You're nesting! Time to CLEAN!



Your husband thinks you are most certainly and definitely CRAZY!



Would not be complete without this...



Who doesn't feel happy and complete after hearing "Hysteria"? Oh yeah, that's just me... anyways...

And now, for at least a few moments...



But, here you are, and it is well...



And now, you have officially experienced a full mood swing. Congratulations! Were you truly pregnant, you would feel this way CONSTANTLY... never ending... it's such a beautiful process, isn't it? That's why to your husband you dedicate this:

I'm A Blubbering Idiot: At The Very Most, To Say The Very Least...

Adventures in incubating...

Yesterday Tommy & I ran to the store, and on the way home I decided to listen to the radio. Well, first song to make me cry, naturally, was Darius Rucker's "It Won't Be Like This For Long". I have 3 children, and often long for those days I just couldn't wait to pass... like the first night home with each of them. There I was, bawling on the freeway, while Tommy "sang" along in his car seat behind me.



Well, here's where it gets even stupider... more stupid... whatever! (You don't even know how to SPELL! (What I apparently yelled at my sweet husband in my sleep last night...))

When Bobby and I had been married about 6 months or so, his first father's day as Jeff & Becca's step dad, he made a list of songs he wanted me to hear that either he just liked in general or reminded him of me while I made him a father's day dinner. One was a Brad Paisley song. Since then when I have heard it, I kind of think "awww". Well, yesterday a DIFFERENT Brad Paisley song played on the radio... and there I was, deliriously confused and sobbing at how lucky I am to have him and how far we've come in the last 2 years and 4 months... It wasn't until HOURS later that I realized IT WASN'T EVEN THE RIGHT SONG! Boy, did I feel stupid. I cried for NOTHING! He laughed at this when I told him, I was mad. Gotta love hormones....

So, tell me, which Brad Paisley song do you think was the right one, and which one the wrong?

You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About YOU!

Thank you to Kathy for the idea of the title of this blog some time ago...

So, I must admit in public now that I am slightly obsessed with make up, even though I don't wear it every day. Yes, I still keep it all in a caboodle (purple marble with a hot pink handle) and it contains mostly eye shadows & eye liners. I wouldn't say I'm vain though... If anything I have a low self esteem that I battle with every single day. I just wanted to use that blog title idea, lol.

Speaking of vanity, why is it such human nature to assume that when you read something that refers to the "general you", one must assume it is personally directed at them. Vice versa, why do some people say that something is not directed at anyone but the general public, but it is actually directed at one single group or person?

Why, as humans, and I do mean the general public here... I AM NOT TARGETING ANYONE! (Ahem, don't be vain...) do we feel the need to be so mean and/or cruel to others just because they hurt our feelings or we disagree? Everyone has been guilty of it at some point in time. Most know when to stop and not drag things on. Naturally, everyone has a right to vent or be upset... But, by golly, I've known some people who carry things on and out for so much longer than necessary. Why?! Do you not feel that you are valuable enough as a person to deserve being happy? Such bitterness only drags one down. You aren't hurting anyone but yourself as I'm sure the others don't think much of it, and you're certainly just depressing yourself.

Another vanity topic...

What is with the obsession with weight during pregnancy and postpartum? I swear it is so much more now than it was when I had Jeff and Becca. Then again, maybe it's because I was in another part of the country and not in Southern California. I've been blessed to only gain 4lbs so far with this pregnancy (I started out a little heavy as I was still working on losing weight from my pregnancy with Tommy... and it was the holidays... and Bobby and I had put on some "marital bliss" weight right before I got pregnant with Tommy...) but I've heard of women DIETING or obsessing over calories during pregnancy! Heaven forbid you not be skin and bones after you deliver! Surely, you MUST wear your jeans 3 months after delivery! What will you do if you don't ever fit into a size small again? What will everyone think if you have a slight pudge on your tummy or thighs 6 months after your baby is born? And to still have that weight 2 years later? WHAT A TRAGEDY?! Why don't people think of the tragedy that is a sick newborn? No one wants to think about the pain and suffering a premature infant goes through... What about brain or physical development being damaged due to your "ego"? Grrr... some people should never be allowed to be parents.

I could go on and on with this... but I think I've already let my hormones say enough. I'm going to shut up... NOW!