It's been awhile...

A watched pot never boils....

Nor does a timed uterus contract.

Yes, Crystal, I really did come up with that on my own.

A Blog From Crystal...

Lettuce in the Ketis is the only thing to have. You might think it tastes good if you eat it on tacos. Now if you it eat it by itself, it doesn't have the same effect.

Some people think that giving birth probably isn't that difficult... unless, of course, you're giving birth to a head of lettuce. Without the epidural, the ice burg is the worst. I have heard the best way to soothe lettuce from the Ketis is the rejuvenation (rejuvenation station, that is...) of the hemorrhoidal defactoral fecal position. If this doesn't work you may want to try a phosphorous ioxide to help reduce the stinging sensation. After all of this is accomplished, you can now burn your candles, eat your cookies, and wash it all down with that famous lettuce.

Thank you for your time and energy.

Best Regards,

Lettuce From The Ketis

(Aka: Crystal)

P.S. YAY! My first blog (though not on my own blog) as a NEW WOMAN!