11 years ago today was by far one of the worst days of my entire life. What took place the night before and the result that was caused was so devastating I'm not sure I can bring myself to really type about it. I've only spoke about it with a few chosen people, it's just so personal. Am I holding on to anger and bitterness in this situation? No. I've let go of that and moved on as far as this goes. It's just that the memories break my heart sometimes.
If on that day, you had told me I would be here happily married to a good man with 4 children, I would have doubted it to ever happen. I felt as though all my dreams were crushed. I wasn't even sure I deserved to be happy as I must have done something to deserve all the horrible things that were taking place. (I later woke up and realized I did nothing, whatsoever, that would justify what had happened to me.) I questioned God as to why he was allowing this all to happen, to strip my motherhood from me before I had even held a child in my arms. To have the person who was supposed to care for me more than anyone betray me and cause such pain. It's all so clear now, though. I will never forget my Grandma telling me "Just give it time, you're going to look back at this, and while it's still going to hurt, you are going to be so happy it happened now instead of later. It will all make sense then." Thank you, Jesus, because she was so right. (She almost always was, after all.)
Some things I've learned, whether directly through this circumstance or during reflection in the time since, are:
That there is truth to the statement God will never give us more than we can handle.
While trials I've been through over the years have been pretty tough, there is always going to be someone who is worse off.
Even when I feel all alone, as though no one even hears my prayers, Jesus is there. Just waiting for the right time.
Abuse, miscarriages, deceit, betrayal, & infidelity are all horrible hurtful things, but putting faith in God can almost make you forget the pain of it all.
There is nothing like finding your true love, and NO ONE should settle for less than the best. If you can see yourself living happily without them in the future, then it's probably not meant to be. As my Aunt told me, "If in 10 years you don't see them, don't waste your time now."
Will I ever forget February 23rd, 1999? Never. Have I grown from what happened? Yes. Life has been so much easier since I was able to stop, look back, and see the big picture... and while it was tough at the time, it's only a memory now. Besides, it just makes Heaven that much sweeter... And now here I am, with a great marriage, amazing husband, and the best kids anyone could ask for. All is much better than expected... as a matter of fact, it's a dream come true.
1: This blog is based solely on my experience and/or opinion. This is just how this situation affected me, and it may not affect anyone else in the same way. I am not looking to "talk trash" about any one company or person. Just relating my adventure out to the world.
2: This blog is about my recent experience over the course of 4 months with an IUD. An IUD is an intrauterine device... used for birth control...In case you still aren't grasping this... I'm going to be writing about a piece of equipment that was installed in my uterus to keep me from getting pregnant. If you can not handle hearing the details of this, please do not read.
So, on with the show...
There I was, 6 weeks after Johnny was born at my postpartum check up, faced with the question I had been dreading to hear my Dr. ask. "What would you like to do for birth control?" Why do I hate this question, you ask? Well, I'll tell you... because NOTHING works.
- Pills? They have either failed in the past, meaning I got pregnant, or it would send me into a strange depression, or cause me to have other complications. (Constant spotting, weight gain, massive acne (worse than usual), migraines, etc.) No, I didn't just need to try a different brand. I've been on at least 10 different prescriptions for birth control pills. Possibly more.
- Nuva-ring? Ugh, I hated that one. (Remind yourself I warned you about TMI) First few months were okay, then 2 months in a row I had HORRIBLE cramping with Nuva-ring, but light bleeding for the first few hours... then suddenly I would feel dizzy, nauseated - eventually vomiting, and as though my uterus were in a vice when I would suddenly shed what seemed to be my entire uterine lining at once. Just one huge clot. Obviously, I refused to continue using that.
- Depo-provera? I was sick/bleeding the entire time the shot was effective. It was believed I possibly had a miscarriage during the use also. But keep in mind when I say sick, I mean Dr's sending me in for lab work every week trying to figure out what was wrong with me, losing 20lbs and then gaining 40, swollen spleen and liver, & massive body aches and pain among other things. Not just sick with the sniffles. Sick.
- Rhythm method? Sure... until I realized I was a forgetful clutz and would forget to track dates and temperatures.
- Condoms, film, spermicide, etc... Well, looks like that's my only option now...
- I should also mentioned that none of my children were planned. Two of them there were "talks" of having a baby in the near future, but no active trying. In fact, it was being prevented every time. That should give you an idea as to why this whole subject is just not a fun one for me.
I sit there with my Dr and we go over all of these options. He says it's clear with my reaction to the pills I should not be taking anything with hormones, and should have never tried the other hormone methods as they do the same thing. Then he says what my ears always were scared but excited to hear... "How about we try a copper IUD?"
For years I've looked into IUDs. They both terrified me and yet seemed so liberating. Nothing to remember, complete freedom. But yet... it's a copper appliance inside your uterus and that just seems so strange. How is it not painful? I talked to a few people I knew with them in the past and they always said they loved them... but then there were those reviews I'd read on the internet that referred to them as torture devices... and that risk of a perforated uterus... and though these are completely different than the copper IUDs that turned women's insides into mush a couple decades ago, how do we know just how safe they really are? Oh, the torment of debating this back and forth... but going with this seemed to be my last option other than barrier methods and going back to counting/charting. I sat and stared... "I want to go with this, but I'm scared!" My Dr laughed, mocked me, and then asked the million dollar question: "Scared of what? The pain of insertion? Would you rather go through the pain of another childbirth?"
Obviously, I agreed, accepted a pamplet on Paragard (the brand name of the IUD) and went on my merry way. 2 weeks later it was inserted. Oh my good Lord in Heaven... I'm not cursing or saying God's name in vain, I'm literally saying I wouldn't have made it through that without crying if I had not been praying. After I was dizzy and had to lay down for about 20 minutes on the exam table. When I got up and dressed to leave, the nurse asked me to please stay and rest a little longer, as I apparently looked very pail. Since my Mom was driving me I felt safe to go ahead and go.
The what I thought at the time was intense cramping lasted about 2-3 days. Like a really bad period, but I thought it was worth it. The bleeding stopped on day 7. After that, everything seemed to be going great. Went in for my check up to make sure insertion went well and that there was no infection 4 weeks later. All was going great, I had no complaints....
That is until the next week, the day after Thanksgiving, when I started my first period. I was floored. Couldn't hardly move. I had been warned that the pain/flow of menstruation could increase, even dramatically, with the IUD, but I didn't realize it would be like this. After a day, I was feeling better, and decided to push through it and go on out and get my Thanksgiving sale shopping done. A couple days go by, and my hormones seem to be severely off balance. I'm usually emotional during this time of the month, but this was insane. The pain wasn't letting up, and after 6 days it was getting worse. I finally gave in and went to urgent care where I was given pain meds and told to take it easy. The Dr there suggested I just have it removed, but I felt that after all that trouble I needed to give it a few months. What a mistake!
That was November. Between then and early February I was bleeding 2 weeks out of every 4. My energy levels most of the time were at a complete low. What little energy I had went to taking care of my 2 young boys. Some days Bobby had to work from home or use sick days to care for me and the little ones. I had already made an appointment with my Dr for February to just give up and have it taken out. I was done... but then I ended up worse and in the emergency room with pain at a level of 9-10/10, vomiting, light headed, and other symptoms. I just wanted the ER Dr to take it out, but he didn't feel comfortable doing so. I was given shot of morphine, more pain killers to take home, something to stop the vomiting, and the suggestion to not do much. You know, because I was out running marathons and climbing mountains all this time.
On the day of my removal, I was nervous and scared. My Dr asked, "Is it just not working out for you?" I replied, "I would rather give birth than to deal with this. Having 4 more kids would be easier than this!" He said "Well, okay then. Sorry about that." What more could he say, though, right?
Surprisingly, it all went well. No pain. No bleeding. Just a sudden feeling of relief, as though my body had been trying to rid itself of it the entire time. (Kind of a no brainer that it had been, right?) My Dr warned me that it may take my cycle a few months to get back to "normal" as far as the pain level/flow is concerned. Well, here I am, first cycle. Pain is worse than what my periods were before, but NOTHING compared to having satan's tool of torture in my womb. (That was my pet name for my IUD... some might name theirs something cute like Betsy or Penny, this was what I named mine. STOT for short.) I am optimistic, though, that in a few months I will be back to normal and not camped out on the couch every month. I guess all I can do is take it as a learning experience... a learning experience for what, I don't know. But if I look at it in any other way and sit and think of the months of my life wasted in unnecessary pain I might just start crying, and I feel like I've done enough of that.
Now, having said all that... if you should be happening to consider an IUD, don't take my experience as something that happens to everyone. From what I understand, most women don't have this reaction... but some do. Educate yourself and know what to expect. And the first month if you are in treacherous pain, don't wait thinking it'll get easier... If you can't take it, remove it. Don't waste your time, miss out on Christmas day activities, friends and families events, church, and have everything in your life fall behind. It's just not worth it. I do hope it works out though, because for those who I have talked to that have had them without problems say they are wonderful... :( Oh well.
Edited to add: I don't know what the heck is going on with the formatting on this entry. It irritates me, too, trust me. I didn't do this blindly and not realize I was doing it wrong. I'm giving up on trying to fix it though... Sorry it bugs!
Fridays are different from any other day of the week. People are happier, making them usually nicer. Everyone is excited and anticipating what the weekend might hold for them. Life seems to be more laid back, whether you work or not. And for those of us who attend church, we have Sunday to look forward to!
See, I love Fridays. Sometimes that means Bobby works from home, and other times it means that the boys & I are that much closer to having him home to ourselves for 2 days. Dinner is usually something simpler, but always delicious... & since I've been dieting Friday is sometimes my "cheat night".
Today, however, I have 2 more reasons to be in a good mood!
When I went in to get dressed my pants were just way too big... not loose, BIG! WOO-HOO!!!
I decided to step on the scale and check things out... only to find I've officially lost 15lbs!!!
Now, if I could just get more disciplined with the exercise, so I can continue to lose at the pace I have been... or more... The only downside to all this weight loss was in the beginning I didn't realize how much red meat I ate on a regular basis and I'm pretty sure I lost some iron, making me slightly fatigued. I'm feeling better now that I'm taking a supplement, but still struggle with sticking with a routine. I actually enjoy working out, a whole lot more than I thought I would... I think I'm just getting bored doing the same old thing. I plan to get a cardio dvd in the next few weeks and hope that will break the feeling that this is tedious I get at times... until then, I've got to buckle down and just keep with it!
We'll see how that goes... Right now I just want to sit on the couch with my snuggie and play with the boys. This weather doesn't help with the "get up and go" attitude I need to have. Gotta get moving though! Hmm... this is my struggle. I'll let you all know how it goes.
When you are going to post a blog full of songs that creep you out, but yet you love so much... first of all, include them all. How could you forget this one?
Second, after writing the blog, don't sit and watch stupid suspenseful movies with Bobby. He already made you watch another cheesy one earlier in the day. Why watch another?
Third, when you are laying in bed quietly thinking to yourself of your "To-Do" list for the next day, do not be startled by how creepy Bobby's random sudden laugh is when he remembers a silly occurrence with your son earlier in the day. There is no reason Bobby's laugh should scare the crap out of you now, you've been hearing it for years. Just because you are laying there in solemn and out of nowhere this loud eerie noise and breath tickle your ear, you should still not have the crap scared out of you!
Fourth, why would you be surprised that Bobby would take every chance for the 30 minutes following the occurrence with the laugh and the scream to scare you? You should know better! Though you were right to not let him fall asleep before you.
Fifth, make sure you tell Bobby "Happy Valentine's Day". Give him a big hug and kiss. Also be sure to tell him you love him. Thank him for letting you sleep in and making the most delicious scrambled eggs you've had. After all, he knew you were on a low calorie diet and took extra measures to make the entire meal healthy. He's such a swell guy. Going to all that trouble and even leaving 14 videos on your facebook wall while you were sleeping. You are, most certainly, the luckiest girl in the world!
Love,
Angie
P.S. Next time you go to the store, could you please remember to pick up a shower cap? Thanks.
About 18 months ago, it was Bobby's turn to plan our weekly date night. He surprised me with the plan to design a "couple's web page" all about us, pictures of us, how we met, our relationship, etc. We didn't get too far into it as we moved a few weeks later, finally went on our honeymoon, and then found out Johnny would be joining our family... only to move again and it goes on and on and on...
We did start it though. This is about as far as we got, our individual versions of our love story. I happened across them today, and reading them made me smile and lean over to Bobby and hug him tight. I'm truly a lucky woman. I'm so glad we took the time to do this. Not only do I have the ability to reminisce and hear how my husband recalls falling in love with me, but someday our children will have the story to read for themselves. I thought maybe I'd share them here...
Bobby's side:
Wedding Cake (Before the Wedding)
Things were just starting to calm down at work, everything slowing in the days before Christmas 2006. Not having checked Myspace in a few days, I sat down in front of the computer. Browsing through my messages, I found a few new friend requests. Assuming it was spam, I deleted the Friend Request from one "Angie Candle + Monkey". WTF kind of name is that anyhow? I think it was the next day that I found myself looking through my deleted items and again I saw her picture. Something made me click on it. Fate?
After glancing over her *unique* profile - man was this girl "out there" - she even named her kids Jedi and Booka - I decided what the heck. I added her as a friend curiously awaiting what would happen next. I don't remember exactly how it started, but I was looking for a way to break the ice - I decided I would leave a witty comment. As I sat there, going back to her profile over and over again to look for that one perfect lead in, I noticed this guy was leaving her comments, asking her out for Christmas. Forget the fact that I thought his approach was lame, I guess I was getting a little territorial. I, of course, had already invested hours to this relationship. How dare he?
So after knocking out the competition I guess I got her attention. We began leaving each other messages, and that turned into IMing and eventually a phone call. The phone call, though, wasn't to me. Not knowing if she was a nutt ball or not, I was hesitant to give her my number, so I played it safe and gave her the number to my office. Well, of course, she chose to call me at night and my phone covered into the call center - where my retarded brother Rich answered by coincidence. I wont go into details, but if anyone's interested, I'll post a link to a recording of the phone call. Long story short, my brother told Angie that I didn't work there. It wasn't until a few days later that we straighten the whole thing out and had a few conversations by phone. Having known that she was about to ship out, I didn't want to loose my chance to meet her, so we decided to go out. I invited her to an A-List party at my pad. lol After having made plans to go pick her up, I jumped in the shower and then took a bulldozer to my apartment. Between the clean up effort and the office calling, it was almost three hours later that I arrived at her "strip mall".
Safely in the truck, after almost having backed over her, we were off. There was a lot of nervous conversation as we were on the way to my office. I occasionally sneaked a peek out of the corner of my eye. I remember taking great pains not to seem creepy, so of course I didn't want to get caught checking her out. We were quickly done at the office and once again on our way. In hindsight, I think I put a little too much effort into making myself out to not be creepy, because before I knew it, I had some strange little guy at my house - on his way to work, just checking on her. We had been up almost all night talking - it was almost 6am.
The next day, after having lunch at the Yard House, we were at the good old Goat Hill.still talking about the past and the things to come. I remember Angie was telling me about having just lost her grandmother and what a big part she played in her life. For the first time, she let her guard down. I had known all along that Angie was soft hearted, though she tried her hardest to hide it. It was at that moment that I felt myself falling for her. That certainly wasn't what I was looking for. I had made the conscience decision some time before that to be alone. I wasn't looking to get involved with anyone, and above all that, I wasn't looking to fall for someone about to ship out and move in with Uncle Sam.
It happened though. No matter how much I didn't want it, it happened quickly, and it happened easily. Before I knew it, I was on the biggest interview of my life. The next day, I took Angie and the kids out to dinner. Talk about a tough crowd - those kids weren't about to cut me any slack. We picked them up at her Mom's house and I don't think I've seen them as quiet and expressionless since. They didn't say a word. They looked me up and down and apparently weren't very impressed. In fact, when Angie introduced us, and asked them if they thought I was a cool guy, they very bluntly said "No". Trying to warm them up a little, Angie asked them "Do you think he's a nice guy". Again, the answer was an abrupt "No." I was dying. Fortunately, after a feast of Quesadillas and mashed potatoes, they warmed up. Before I knew it, we were head banging together in the car on the way home - though I don't remember there being any music. I was glad to get the kid's seal of approval. Though, I still wasn't sure where this all was going at the time. Little did I know we would be where we are today.
After having dropped the kids off at Angie's parent's house, we were back at my house for a quiet night in. We needed it after storming the beaches at Newport the night before. Angie had wanted to see Talladega Nights, and it just so happened that Rich had left a copy at the house. I can't remember how far we had gotten through the movie, but I found myself proposing. I don't think Angie took me seriously, because the next day, she was shocked when I was getting ready to leave for Vegas. This is where the title of our story comes from.
The night before, we had gone to get a few bare necessities at the grocery store. Among which was a cake. Little did we know, it would be our wedding cake. It wasn't supposed to be, though Rich insisted that it was - even to this day. Just as we were getting ready to leave, Rich was waking up and getting ready for work. We swapped keys after I told him we decided to take a trip to Vegas. I told him that we were getting married. Rich, along with everyone else, chuckled and said "yea, right". It wasn't until we were on the road that rich got out of the shower and found the computer on, from where I was looking up the licensing information for getting married in Vegas. A slew of text messages followed as he was panicked, shocked, and awed. I still think he doubted it until we got back with the certificate.
Long story short, neither of us took into consideration that it was the day before new year's eve. It took us about 9 hours to get to Vegas, during which, we had "the talk". This consisted of full disclosure and anything and everything we could think of that would ever give the other reason to say "Hey wait a minute, maybe this is a mistake". We covered EVERYTHING by the time we pulled into Vegas. It was just a few hours before midnight. We had no reservations - hotel wise, anyhow. We were both goofy with nerves. YES, I CIRCLED THE SAME LEVEL OF THE PARKING LOT HALF A DOZEN TIMES. Anyhow, we parked and when on the hunt for a hotel room. Don't let anyone tell you that eloping is the cheap way to get married. After we checked in, we went on the hunt - we still weren't sure how to go about this. After consulting with the expert, the concierge, we went out and got a cab to the Las Vegas Marriage License Bureau. After passing through the grueling application process, we exited the building still unsure of where the heck we were going to actually do the deed. Luck for us, there were people ready to help. In fact, they were just about willing to fist fight with each other to be the ones who actually helped us.
It was a beautiful ceremony - performed by the revered Penn and witnessed by his annoying little Filipino camera man. We were whisked backed to our luxorious accommodations by Tyrone, the limo driver. Again, people, let me correct the myth that getting married in Vegas is the less expensive way to go. Anyhow, back to the hotel for dinner and a night out on the town.
My side:
Stronger than Army Strong...
Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land not so far away Angie had been browsing through “single” MySpace users within a close range mile radius at the urging of a friend. Insisting nothing would come of it and that it would just be for fun, Angie went through with the plan and began sifting through the strange and even stranger. When she came across this guy Bobby though, something caught her. She looked over his profile and looked through all his pictures. He was 29, also lived in South OrangeCounty, and had been in the Army at some point. He seemed to have a fascination with tattoos and a “me against the world” attitude. Something about this guy made her feel like a little girl with a crush but also “challenged” and she was determined that she had to get to know him better.
After trying to send a message she realized that he had his message settings turned to “away”. She sat and debated how she should go about this without seeming like a stalker, but finally took the plunge to click “Add as a friend”. It was approximately 2-3 days before she heard anything from him, and yes, she checked her pending requests often to see if he was going to take the bait.
On December 22, 2006, Bobby logged into his MySpace account. As usual, he was being pursued by multiple fake porn profiles. However, one stood out - after he had deleted the friend request. Quickly, hitting the Back button on his browser, he saw someone who stood out from the others. In fact, she wasn't porn at all, but a nice girl. Changing his answer to "Accept", he looked over her profile and decided chatting wouldn't be so bad.
Her name was Angie Candle + Monkey. She was 25 and apparently lived "where soul meets body". For some reason her profile indicated some nonsense about her just enlisting in the Army and that she was to leave for Basic Training in just a few days, but he was certain this was fictional. Glancing over her pictures, along with her profile text, he decided that leaving a comment wouldn't hurt. But what was this? Some creep was leaving her comments asking her out for Christmas. Some how, Bobby could not help himself. He had to leave a comment on Angie's profile, but not for Angie - for the creep. Eventually, after about two or three of these, they were able to talk about themselves. Comments turned into messages, instant messages, and phone calls. Eventually they met in person on the 27th.
When the time finally came, Angie walked out to the front of her gated apartment complex just to be safe so that if danger arose, Bobby would not know where she lived. After all, this was a man who a few minutes before, got lost after simple directions, and called asking if she lived in a mini mall. After Bobby nearly ran over Angie, she hopped in the jeep, and they were on their way.
The next day they were hanging out again. It seemed as if they just could not stop laughing. Whether it was random stories Angie felt like telling out of nervousness or the revelation that Santa Clause is indeed a pervert, they were finding themselves in constant amusement. That night, Angie told Bobby she wanted to see the ocean "one last time" before she left for the Army. We don't need to go into details about what a fool she made out of herself screaming "Army Strong!" in the freezing temperatures of the Newport Beach salt water... but she knew the second Bobby picked her up and dried off her feet, carrying her to the jeep and then trying to warm up her freezing toes that she was in love, and that this was the man she wanted to spend forever with. In fact, she told a few friends later that night when she was being teased about moving off and settling down in the Army. Exclaiming: "I'll never do that! Me? Married? Never..." but then whispering while pointing at Bobby "Except for him. I'd marry him."
After two days of spending quite a bit of time together and a day of moving, they had decided that instead of a night out they should just pick up some junk food at the grocery store and hang out at Bobby’s. It was 2 days before New Year’s Eve and the crowds and traffic were just exhausting no matter where you went. Angie asked Bobby if they could watch his brother's copy of "Talladega Nights". She had been dying to see this movie and was determined to see it before leaving for boot camp. While laughing uncontrollably at the movie they both paused when Angie jokingly said something about "When we get married" (this joke had been going on since a few minutes into the first date) and followed with "Like you would ever marry me...” Bobby quickly replied with "I'd marry you". The conversation got pretty serious from there, of course. Bobby explained to Angie why he wanted to marry her and how he would not feel complete without her. Angie said, "How can I marry you? I've never even kissed you?!" Right then, like magic, they experienced their first kiss. It was amazing, naturally. After a few minutes of deep conversation, they began making their plans for the trek to Vegas the next day.
Angie woke up early on the morning of December 30th. She remembered the events of the night before and was hoping that Bobby had not had a change of heart. After letting Bobby sleep for about, oh, 2 more hours she dragged him out of bed and told him to get ready. She couldn't wait to be his wife and start a life with him! After they were ready to get on the road they started out for what they thought would be a little road trip. But they were wrong... 9 hours were spent in the car that day. During this time they were able to discuss the "important" things, almost as if the traffic was there for a reason. Once they finally arrived, they raced around trying desperately to find out where to go to get a marriage license, how to find a wedding chapel, and of course a room. It was the day before New Year's Eve and most of the hotels were booked. Once they finally got it all together they arrived at the "Garden of Love" and were wed at approximately 10:30 pm. It was a long day, but all so worth it. Angie often says that she wouldn’t have had it any other way, and falls more in love with Bobby with each and every day. Needless to say, she cancelled her enlistment and did not ship out to Boot Camp.
And now, just for fun, I want to include the blog Bobby wrote a little over 2 weeks after we got married. It, also, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy every time I go back and read it...
Monday, January 15, 2007
Current mood: thankful Category: Life
Well, it finally hit me... I'm married. Wow. Funny that it didn't fully click during our limo ride from the chapel. It hadn't even totally set in while house hunting. Not even did it hit home during the first of many naked Saturdays. But yesterday, I felt what I could only describe as a light headed pannic as we were on our way back from - it's still hard for me to say - grocery shopping. Yes, only as I realized that I was on my way home after grocery shopping with my wife did it all hit me. The radio slowly faded out, I couldn't hear the traffic along side us - total silence. And then I looked over at my wife and giggled like a complete dork - something I catch myself doing alot these day. While it's true, not so long ago even I could have never imagined myself married - now I can't remember what it was like before Angie came into my life. It's easy. I think it's easy because it's right. I can't describe it - more then an instinct or a reflex, being in love with my wife is the most natural feeling I've ever known. There's nothing more then I want then to have all the cheesey things that I swore I'd never "sell out" and live for. So, Angie notices me staring at her and asks "What", as she always does when she catches me - and my ears pop, the surrounding noise fades back in and I do the only thing I could think of. Scream like a big fat woman and laugh as I tell her what just happened. lol I love being married.
This song is just amazing. I can't hear it without crying. And written by a man who was an awesome minister who was taken to Heaven much too soon. Thank you, Jesus, for giving this man the talent and the song. It's a perfect explanation of what His love has done for me. And yet I wasn't even born when it was written...
Bobby & I once danced to this song in Ralph's (Grocery store) at 1am after a difficult week. I don't remember particularly why it was a hard week, but I do remember the spontaneity of the moment and the romance of the way Bobby took the bag of Dorito's I was picking out of the bin and threw it aside as we began our waltz over to the bottled water aisle. One of the most romantic moments of my entire life.
I love this song. It's just flat out soothing & peaceful. Just the other night I had a tough night. Okay, I admit. It was a bad hair day that took hours to repair. When this song came on my iPod I stopped, took a deep breath, felt the calm take over me, and was able to accomplish my goal. This song I have played on happy days, sad days, stressful days, and days full of rejoicing. :sigh:
I really can't explain this one. It's been my favorite song since I was a wee teenager. I do know that when I realized I didn't want to be alone forever as I had previously claimed during my divorce was while listening to this song. I wanted to feel "Hysteria". Yeah, I know. Super cheesy. Who cares, go read another blog if you don't want cheese, because me? I'm all about cheese. Especially since Bobby came along. Thanks to him, I know "Hysteria".
LOVE this! Who doesn't?
Okay, just kidding. I was serious about the others though!
More to come as I think of them... I'm tapped out for now.
For most people, the day after Christmas brings a halt to the insanity that has everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Not in this home! No sir, we don't like to keep things boring around here. Since Bobby & I met in person and married in the few days after Christmas, our anniversary falls the day before New Year's Eve. Add to the fact that our daughter's birthday lands smack dab in the middle of January (usually around Martin Luther King Jr. day) and you've got one busy, tired family. We love it all though...
This last week, however, Bobby & I took a break. We sent the 2 little ones to my Mom's for 2 days and locked ourselves in the house. We slept like we've never slept before, ate delicious food, and played Rock Band for hours. (Who doesn't love that game? Seriously?!) I cannot stress enough how wonderful it was to have time alone where we could talk to each other, goof off, and both of us eat at the same time. I believe every parent should take one of these "getaways" at least once a year, with a 2 night minimum, if possible.
On that note, I'm so blessed to have a husband who takes the time to do something so valuable for our marriage and sanity. I'm even more blessed to have parents who love my children and take them for a few days.
Now, let's see if I can lay low and stay off the radar until mid-February... Yeah, right.
(Photo of Johnny included simply because he's a doll!)
Yesterday Tommy & I ran to the store, and on the way home I decided to listen to the radio. Well, first song to make me cry, naturally, was Darius Rucker's "It Won't Be Like This For Long". I have 3 children, and often long for those days I just couldn't wait to pass... like the first night home with each of them. There I was, bawling on the freeway, while Tommy "sang" along in his car seat behind me.
Well, here's where it gets even stupider... more stupid... whatever! (You don't even know how to SPELL! (What I apparently yelled at my sweet husband in my sleep last night...))
When Bobby and I had been married about 6 months or so, his first father's day as Jeff & Becca's step dad, he made a list of songs he wanted me to hear that either he just liked in general or reminded him of me while I made him a father's day dinner. One was a Brad Paisley song. Since then when I have heard it, I kind of think "awww". Well, yesterday a DIFFERENT Brad Paisley song played on the radio... and there I was, deliriously confused and sobbing at how lucky I am to have him and how far we've come in the last 2 years and 4 months... It wasn't until HOURS later that I realized IT WASN'T EVEN THE RIGHT SONG! Boy, did I feel stupid. I cried for NOTHING! He laughed at this when I told him, I was mad. Gotta love hormones....
So, tell me, which Brad Paisley song do you think was the right one, and which one the wrong?
A great many things have occurred not only in my life, but in the lives of those I know and love... and even some I've never met... to cause me to once again realize just how blessed I truly am lately. While I always "know" in my heart that I'm blessed, I don't take for granted the reminders that sometimes have to be put in front of me.
God has given me a caring husband, who would never hurt me and (almost) always thinks of my feelings. (He is human, after all...)
My children are healthy. While my oldest 2 may not live under my roof most of the year, they are most certainly healthy and safe.
I am healthy. Sure, a little overweight with annoying acne and gallstones. But nothing life threatening.
I have a family that loves me.
I have friends that seem to be there when I need them.
My church is amazing and a great place to attend worship. Always involved with reaching out not only to those who attend, but to the surrounding community also.
I have a roof over my head. We may have a pincher bug invasion under way, but it's a cute old house that I still love and will continue to love until we maybe hopefully someday buy a cute new house, lol. We have heat when it's cold, air conditioning when it's hot, and electricity with running hot/cold water.
I'm never hungry for any longer than necessary. There is food in my pantry.
I really could continue this list on and on and on and on... But I think I made the point that was needed. Never take anything for granted. Just because it is here today, it may not be tomorrow. Love your loved ones, appreciate the small things, and never forget that tomorrow everything can change.
Further on that note, I would like to send out my condolences to Linda Truesdale and family on the passing of her husband Larry yesterday. I have known them both most of my life. While we all know that Larry is in the presence of Jesus, he will be missed.
Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Jared! Wow, you're like, 26... who knew you'd make it this far without severing a limb or something? Be thankful! LOL
Yes, I did it. I said deux, not two. No, this blog will not be as exciting as a Charlie Sheen movie sequel, but I chose this phrasing none the less. Get over it, I've had a long day and didn't sleep much last night. I can be a geek if I want to.
So, ironic fact of my life that I'm going to point out today: Dental issues in our home.
Bobby (doesn't he look so handsome?! Gosh...) has been severely miserable over the last month or so, off and on, due to dental procedures. Scratch that, let's just say what it was. He had a WHOLE bunch of teeth removed. Not all at once either... Poor guy went through a lot. The last procedure they had to actually cut... I'm not going to go into detail, but I don't know how he survived. I wouldn't have. (Anesthesia didn't take... and it got pretty gruesome to unusual levels.) He's only just in the last day started to feel a little better. My poor sweet amazing husband has gone through so much with this and endured pain, agony, and strife all while continuing to work (even when he was home, he was working) and take care of our family. Some of the time without pain medications, and even when he was taking them they weren't working! It was AWFUL (emphasized just for him) watching the love of my life go through all this and knowing I couldn't do anything to help, but in the long run we both know he is going to feel so much better.
Enter in the irony:
About the same time as when Bobby started having these teeth removed, Tommy started teething again. The kid hadn't cut a tooth for about 6 months, was going about his business with only 6 teeth just fine and dandy. Showed very little signs of teething and didn't really seem like he was going to for at least a few more weeks when BAM! There he was. Up off and on most nights, not napping well during the day, drooling, pain, fussy, upset tummy, lack of appetite, (says A LOT for him!) fever, restless, hyper, etc etc etc... And it wasn't just one or two teeth either. He seems to be popping a tooth a day the last few days, all on the left side. (He chews more on this side) and is really gumming a lot on the other. If he continues, in a few days his entire left side will be filled in! (I'm not gonna lie, him having a mouth full on one side and not on the other is kind of weird/funny... but from experience I know in time his mouth will be full of teeth.) Poor baby, he's been almost as miserable as his Daddy. Both of my guys going through all of this at the same time was not only taxing for all of us, but very heart wrenching for me. Nothing I could do for either! Hopefully Tommy finds some relief soon. Whether it be that his teeth all just cut quickly with little pain or he gets a small break from teething for a bit.
I didn't dare complain about something being stuck in my tooth, the fact that my wisdom teeth are 10 years overdue to be removed, or need of whitening... or how much I would like to get invisalign. These boys would kill me! I can honestly say I have learned a new appreciation for my boys and my lack of serious dental issues.
Just goes to show the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away... (Har har har...)
Seriously though, it is a true point. Ironic the timing of this all in our home though. Hopefully all of this will be done for Bobby by the time Johnny starts teething in about a year or so. Yikes!
So here I am, writing a quick blog as Tommy sits next to me on his horsey. He loves this toy! He's also been carrying on "conversations" with me as he sits here. I was working on my "to do" list for the next week and when I would ask him if I was forgetting anything he would exclaim "YEAH!" I'd then ask, "Okay, what is it?" He would then go on with what appeared to be a tangent or an excitable need using hand gestures and all. Bobby and I were laughing so hard, trying to guess by his hand gestures what he could be saying. Break dancing? Learn Karate? Do the robot? He needs Ritalin already? There is no telling, but this kid is so much fun. He brings back so many memories of Jeff and Becca at this age, but yet all three are so different.
Also, just as my children are all different, so are my pregnancies. So many people, my Dr included, refer to me as an "expert" or such in this area. Yes, I do have quite a bit of experience from all of my pregnancies, miscarriages, childbirths, and newborn care. But expert? Just last night I was thinking "I have no idea what to do!" No, it wasn't an emergency. I just seem to be carrying very differently than I have with any of my other pregnancies. None of my pants fit right! I had to go out and buy a new pair that have a different belly panel than any other pair I've had so that I didn't feel confined. I'm much more tired than I remember being with any of the others, and the pregnancy dreams are different also. Every child is a gift from God, I just can't help but wonder what God has in store for this child and our family. So exciting!
I can never blog enough about how blessed I am to have the man I married. He's been in so much agony this week with health & dental issues but still makes an effort to pitch in and be a supporting husband & father. In today's world, this is such a blessing. So many men only care about themselves. I hope I never take him for granted, though I doubt I will because each day he does something that reminds me how lucky I am... and I doubt he even realizes it.
I can't believe in 2 weeks both of my little boys will be a year older. Their birthdays are just 2 days apart. Tommy will be 1, but Jeff, my first baby, will be 8. I still remember 8 years ago right now, being 1 day from my due date and crying, begging, pleading with him to JUST BE BORN! At the time I just couldn't wait to hold him and kiss him and love him forever. Now I'd do anything to hug him everyday. He knows Mommy loves him though.
Tommy's birthday party planning is just about done. I've purchased all the decorations and favors. The day before the party we'll buy the food, etc. Sometime today or tomorrow Bobby and I plan to go down and order the cake. It's gonna be such a fun day!
One little tidbit I need to throw in... I have found that all I need to make me smile, whether I'm happy, sad, or somewhere in between (which could be all of those in 5 minutes thanks to stupid pregnancy hormones, lol), is Tommy touching his belly button and saying "beddybuddon!" He doesn't seem to realize it is two words, and he's so serious when he says it that I can't help but giggle. Now I'm working on teaching him to say "one" and hold up his index finger when someone asks how old he is. He could care. LOL.
Well, time for me to log off of here! Have lots to do and need to start preparing things for dinner. I promised Bobby oven fried potatoes and eggs. (The recipe can be found here.) They are rather scrumptious and have quickly become a favorite in our home!
It's finally Thursday! This week has not gone how I thought it would. It hasn't been "bad", just wasn't what I expected.
First off, I was wrong. Tommy didn't need shots. But the poor little man did have an ear infection. I was shocked! The Dr told me there was no way to tell as he wasn't showing any symptoms, but I still felt like a jerk for not knowing. He's on antibiotics 3 times a day and recovering very well. In the beginning he had a bit of a runny nose (that I thought was from teething) that is nearly gone.
Did I mention he took 3 steps on his own last Saturday? He's growing up so fast! He seems to say new words every day and tries to sound like he's saying a lot more. He's such a handsome and funny little guy!
My sinus infection is A LOT better! It feels so good to breath again! Thank God! And thank you so much to those of you that prayed for me, I appreciate it. Now, if this morning sickness would just let up... Out of all of my pregnancies, I'd say the worst morning sickness was with Jeffrey. However, this one is quickly catching up. Thomas was so easy on me that I thought maybe it just gets easier with each baby for me. NOPE! I was wrong... so here I am, finding out every day that I have more and more aversions for things. Something new every day makes me disgusted. The last 2 nights I've only been able to eat dinner if I started it off with a quesadilla. My energy levels are ridiculously low also. Bobby and I joke that it must be twins... but then I wonder "What if it really is?" and freak out a little. I've decided to ignore entertaining this joke/thought until my first ultrasound... especially since for the same reasons it was predicted Jeff was twins, and obviously he was not. All complaining and annoyances aside though, I feel so blessed to be having another baby. Poor Bobby though... he's so patient with me. I'm so lucky to have him, caring for me when I feel my worst without complaint though I can tell he'd rather be doing ANYTHING else.
It's going to be so nice to do "nothing" this weekend. Sure, I've gotta go to the grocery store at some point and maybe a little house work, but we have no absolute plans other than church on Sunday. Wait... I don't think we do! Maybe I should double check...
And there is Tommy's whimper letting me know that nap time is over for him, and computer time is over for me...
That was fast, as it always is. Just as soon as I get used to the rush and excitement it's time to wind it up. I shopped, wrapped, baked cookies, decorated the house, made Christmas dinner, and watched quite a few Christmas movies. I was shocked with how well I stayed organized, lol. But we really did have a nice Christmas Season this year. Though it was hard not having Jeff and Becca here, I knew they were having a blast at their Dad's and found peace in that.
Thomas LOVED opening presents, and even more so enjoyed realizing that those presents were toys. Bobby was happy with the gifts he received, as was I.
Thankfully, I made it through most of the month without my morning sickness escalating too much. I kept praying "Just let me make it through Christmas without getting too sick..." Well, that's how it went! After dinner Christmas Day it hit and it's barely let up for a few moments here and there since then. But that's OK, it's all worth it for us to be able to add on to our family the way we'd like to. I'm starting to feel more and more pregnant and getting more excited. It's so hard to believe that I'm going through all of this again already, but in a way nice since I did this recently it's a little more familiar than that last gap of 5 years.
I told Jeff and Becca over the phone this morning that they were going to have another brother or sister. Becca was excited and shocked. "You aren't supposed to have another baby until Thomas is 3." Where she got this from, I'm not sure. Her and Jeff are 22 months apart and others that she knows have had babies closer together. The only thing I can think of is that I may have said something similar right after I had Thomas (We're talking a week or so...) when she asked if we could have another one right then. She said she was excited as long as I have a girl this time. I told her it's up to God and that maybe he'll answer her prayers for a baby sister. When Jeff heard he thought I was joking, though he also asked for another baby this last Summer. I wonder when he'll realize I'm not lying... and what he'll think about it.
On top of it all... The excitement of the holidays and my pregnancy along with the upcoming New Year, Bobby and I are celebrating our 2ND wedding anniversary. 2 years ago today Bobby and I drove up to Vegas and got married. It was the best decision I've ever made and he's been such a gift to me. I'm so lucky that I get to spend the rest of my life with him and thank God every day for bringing Bobby my way. He gave me a card on Christmas Eve claiming I was the best Christmas Gift he ever received (we met right before Christmas), however I'm pretty sure he stole this line from me and though I LOVED the card, I do believe he was my gift. The one that nothing else will ever compare to.
This blog has really been nothing but a ramble. Think I care? Not really. Hope you all had a great Christmas and have a Happy New Year!
Yes? Did you call my name? Why, naturally, that is me! I AM the luckiest girl in the world!
Why, you ask? Well... here's why...
:sigh:
I swear he's one of the best things God ever gave me. (Can't forget salvation and my children, family, and friends.) I go to bed every night and wake up every morning knowing that he loves me and would do anything to take care of and protect our children and I. We're not "perfect", but in this day and age we really do have a wonderful marriage and relationship. Very few men these days have a modern outlook with old fashioned values, and I find that very important. I don't know what I'd ever do without Bobby. He's not only my husband and lovah boy, but also my best friend. He's always there, regardless, the moment I need him. I don't know what I would do without Bobby, and I can say without a doubt I'll love him for the rest of my life. To think, I knew all this after only 3 days of knowing him. Anyone want to doubt the power of love at first sight now?
Oh, and not to mention... his sexy untouchable hotness... HELLO! ;)
Just one of my many wish lists on the web... "Fake shopping" by creating wish lists can be oh so much fun... and therapeautic! Kind of like blogging... ;)
thankful
