Fridays are different from any other day of the week. People are happier, making them usually nicer. Everyone is excited and anticipating what the weekend might hold for them. Life seems to be more laid back, whether you work or not. And for those of us who attend church, we have Sunday to look forward to!
See, I love Fridays. Sometimes that means Bobby works from home, and other times it means that the boys & I are that much closer to having him home to ourselves for 2 days. Dinner is usually something simpler, but always delicious... & since I've been dieting Friday is sometimes my "cheat night".
Today, however, I have 2 more reasons to be in a good mood!
When I went in to get dressed my pants were just way too big... not loose, BIG! WOO-HOO!!!
I decided to step on the scale and check things out... only to find I've officially lost 15lbs!!!
Now, if I could just get more disciplined with the exercise, so I can continue to lose at the pace I have been... or more... The only downside to all this weight loss was in the beginning I didn't realize how much red meat I ate on a regular basis and I'm pretty sure I lost some iron, making me slightly fatigued. I'm feeling better now that I'm taking a supplement, but still struggle with sticking with a routine. I actually enjoy working out, a whole lot more than I thought I would... I think I'm just getting bored doing the same old thing. I plan to get a cardio dvd in the next few weeks and hope that will break the feeling that this is tedious I get at times... until then, I've got to buckle down and just keep with it!
We'll see how that goes... Right now I just want to sit on the couch with my snuggie and play with the boys. This weather doesn't help with the "get up and go" attitude I need to have. Gotta get moving though! Hmm... this is my struggle. I'll let you all know how it goes.
About 18 months ago, it was Bobby's turn to plan our weekly date night. He surprised me with the plan to design a "couple's web page" all about us, pictures of us, how we met, our relationship, etc. We didn't get too far into it as we moved a few weeks later, finally went on our honeymoon, and then found out Johnny would be joining our family... only to move again and it goes on and on and on...
We did start it though. This is about as far as we got, our individual versions of our love story. I happened across them today, and reading them made me smile and lean over to Bobby and hug him tight. I'm truly a lucky woman. I'm so glad we took the time to do this. Not only do I have the ability to reminisce and hear how my husband recalls falling in love with me, but someday our children will have the story to read for themselves. I thought maybe I'd share them here...
Bobby's side:
Wedding Cake (Before the Wedding)
Things were just starting to calm down at work, everything slowing in the days before Christmas 2006. Not having checked Myspace in a few days, I sat down in front of the computer. Browsing through my messages, I found a few new friend requests. Assuming it was spam, I deleted the Friend Request from one "Angie Candle + Monkey". WTF kind of name is that anyhow? I think it was the next day that I found myself looking through my deleted items and again I saw her picture. Something made me click on it. Fate?
After glancing over her *unique* profile - man was this girl "out there" - she even named her kids Jedi and Booka - I decided what the heck. I added her as a friend curiously awaiting what would happen next. I don't remember exactly how it started, but I was looking for a way to break the ice - I decided I would leave a witty comment. As I sat there, going back to her profile over and over again to look for that one perfect lead in, I noticed this guy was leaving her comments, asking her out for Christmas. Forget the fact that I thought his approach was lame, I guess I was getting a little territorial. I, of course, had already invested hours to this relationship. How dare he?
So after knocking out the competition I guess I got her attention. We began leaving each other messages, and that turned into IMing and eventually a phone call. The phone call, though, wasn't to me. Not knowing if she was a nutt ball or not, I was hesitant to give her my number, so I played it safe and gave her the number to my office. Well, of course, she chose to call me at night and my phone covered into the call center - where my retarded brother Rich answered by coincidence. I wont go into details, but if anyone's interested, I'll post a link to a recording of the phone call. Long story short, my brother told Angie that I didn't work there. It wasn't until a few days later that we straighten the whole thing out and had a few conversations by phone. Having known that she was about to ship out, I didn't want to loose my chance to meet her, so we decided to go out. I invited her to an A-List party at my pad. lol After having made plans to go pick her up, I jumped in the shower and then took a bulldozer to my apartment. Between the clean up effort and the office calling, it was almost three hours later that I arrived at her "strip mall".
Safely in the truck, after almost having backed over her, we were off. There was a lot of nervous conversation as we were on the way to my office. I occasionally sneaked a peek out of the corner of my eye. I remember taking great pains not to seem creepy, so of course I didn't want to get caught checking her out. We were quickly done at the office and once again on our way. In hindsight, I think I put a little too much effort into making myself out to not be creepy, because before I knew it, I had some strange little guy at my house - on his way to work, just checking on her. We had been up almost all night talking - it was almost 6am.
The next day, after having lunch at the Yard House, we were at the good old Goat Hill.still talking about the past and the things to come. I remember Angie was telling me about having just lost her grandmother and what a big part she played in her life. For the first time, she let her guard down. I had known all along that Angie was soft hearted, though she tried her hardest to hide it. It was at that moment that I felt myself falling for her. That certainly wasn't what I was looking for. I had made the conscience decision some time before that to be alone. I wasn't looking to get involved with anyone, and above all that, I wasn't looking to fall for someone about to ship out and move in with Uncle Sam.
It happened though. No matter how much I didn't want it, it happened quickly, and it happened easily. Before I knew it, I was on the biggest interview of my life. The next day, I took Angie and the kids out to dinner. Talk about a tough crowd - those kids weren't about to cut me any slack. We picked them up at her Mom's house and I don't think I've seen them as quiet and expressionless since. They didn't say a word. They looked me up and down and apparently weren't very impressed. In fact, when Angie introduced us, and asked them if they thought I was a cool guy, they very bluntly said "No". Trying to warm them up a little, Angie asked them "Do you think he's a nice guy". Again, the answer was an abrupt "No." I was dying. Fortunately, after a feast of Quesadillas and mashed potatoes, they warmed up. Before I knew it, we were head banging together in the car on the way home - though I don't remember there being any music. I was glad to get the kid's seal of approval. Though, I still wasn't sure where this all was going at the time. Little did I know we would be where we are today.
After having dropped the kids off at Angie's parent's house, we were back at my house for a quiet night in. We needed it after storming the beaches at Newport the night before. Angie had wanted to see Talladega Nights, and it just so happened that Rich had left a copy at the house. I can't remember how far we had gotten through the movie, but I found myself proposing. I don't think Angie took me seriously, because the next day, she was shocked when I was getting ready to leave for Vegas. This is where the title of our story comes from.
The night before, we had gone to get a few bare necessities at the grocery store. Among which was a cake. Little did we know, it would be our wedding cake. It wasn't supposed to be, though Rich insisted that it was - even to this day. Just as we were getting ready to leave, Rich was waking up and getting ready for work. We swapped keys after I told him we decided to take a trip to Vegas. I told him that we were getting married. Rich, along with everyone else, chuckled and said "yea, right". It wasn't until we were on the road that rich got out of the shower and found the computer on, from where I was looking up the licensing information for getting married in Vegas. A slew of text messages followed as he was panicked, shocked, and awed. I still think he doubted it until we got back with the certificate.
Long story short, neither of us took into consideration that it was the day before new year's eve. It took us about 9 hours to get to Vegas, during which, we had "the talk". This consisted of full disclosure and anything and everything we could think of that would ever give the other reason to say "Hey wait a minute, maybe this is a mistake". We covered EVERYTHING by the time we pulled into Vegas. It was just a few hours before midnight. We had no reservations - hotel wise, anyhow. We were both goofy with nerves. YES, I CIRCLED THE SAME LEVEL OF THE PARKING LOT HALF A DOZEN TIMES. Anyhow, we parked and when on the hunt for a hotel room. Don't let anyone tell you that eloping is the cheap way to get married. After we checked in, we went on the hunt - we still weren't sure how to go about this. After consulting with the expert, the concierge, we went out and got a cab to the Las Vegas Marriage License Bureau. After passing through the grueling application process, we exited the building still unsure of where the heck we were going to actually do the deed. Luck for us, there were people ready to help. In fact, they were just about willing to fist fight with each other to be the ones who actually helped us.
It was a beautiful ceremony - performed by the revered Penn and witnessed by his annoying little Filipino camera man. We were whisked backed to our luxorious accommodations by Tyrone, the limo driver. Again, people, let me correct the myth that getting married in Vegas is the less expensive way to go. Anyhow, back to the hotel for dinner and a night out on the town.
My side:
Stronger than Army Strong...
Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land not so far away Angie had been browsing through “single” MySpace users within a close range mile radius at the urging of a friend. Insisting nothing would come of it and that it would just be for fun, Angie went through with the plan and began sifting through the strange and even stranger. When she came across this guy Bobby though, something caught her. She looked over his profile and looked through all his pictures. He was 29, also lived in South OrangeCounty, and had been in the Army at some point. He seemed to have a fascination with tattoos and a “me against the world” attitude. Something about this guy made her feel like a little girl with a crush but also “challenged” and she was determined that she had to get to know him better.
After trying to send a message she realized that he had his message settings turned to “away”. She sat and debated how she should go about this without seeming like a stalker, but finally took the plunge to click “Add as a friend”. It was approximately 2-3 days before she heard anything from him, and yes, she checked her pending requests often to see if he was going to take the bait.
On December 22, 2006, Bobby logged into his MySpace account. As usual, he was being pursued by multiple fake porn profiles. However, one stood out - after he had deleted the friend request. Quickly, hitting the Back button on his browser, he saw someone who stood out from the others. In fact, she wasn't porn at all, but a nice girl. Changing his answer to "Accept", he looked over her profile and decided chatting wouldn't be so bad.
Her name was Angie Candle + Monkey. She was 25 and apparently lived "where soul meets body". For some reason her profile indicated some nonsense about her just enlisting in the Army and that she was to leave for Basic Training in just a few days, but he was certain this was fictional. Glancing over her pictures, along with her profile text, he decided that leaving a comment wouldn't hurt. But what was this? Some creep was leaving her comments asking her out for Christmas. Some how, Bobby could not help himself. He had to leave a comment on Angie's profile, but not for Angie - for the creep. Eventually, after about two or three of these, they were able to talk about themselves. Comments turned into messages, instant messages, and phone calls. Eventually they met in person on the 27th.
When the time finally came, Angie walked out to the front of her gated apartment complex just to be safe so that if danger arose, Bobby would not know where she lived. After all, this was a man who a few minutes before, got lost after simple directions, and called asking if she lived in a mini mall. After Bobby nearly ran over Angie, she hopped in the jeep, and they were on their way.
The next day they were hanging out again. It seemed as if they just could not stop laughing. Whether it was random stories Angie felt like telling out of nervousness or the revelation that Santa Clause is indeed a pervert, they were finding themselves in constant amusement. That night, Angie told Bobby she wanted to see the ocean "one last time" before she left for the Army. We don't need to go into details about what a fool she made out of herself screaming "Army Strong!" in the freezing temperatures of the Newport Beach salt water... but she knew the second Bobby picked her up and dried off her feet, carrying her to the jeep and then trying to warm up her freezing toes that she was in love, and that this was the man she wanted to spend forever with. In fact, she told a few friends later that night when she was being teased about moving off and settling down in the Army. Exclaiming: "I'll never do that! Me? Married? Never..." but then whispering while pointing at Bobby "Except for him. I'd marry him."
The next day it was time for Angie to move out of the apartment where she had been living in Aliso Viejo. She waited and waited for Bobby to show up, as they were also to take her 2 children out for dinner that night. She had begun to run a fever and felt that she was having a setback from a cold that she had the week before. Bobby arrived and quickly took over the moving efforts, insisting that Angie sit down. Angie had noticed that Bobby was old fashioned and liked to take care of her, but this was particularly a relief and she felt very safe with him. This feeling was something she had always wanted to feel, but had begun to believe it was impossible to experience. In between trips, they were able to pick up Jeff and Becca and have a nice dinner at Mimi’s Café. Bobby had mentioned quite a bit how nervous he was about the kids, but Angie was confused as to why. She thought “Maybe he’s just not used to being around kids.” He didn’t seem to act like he was really that interested in her even though she was quickly falling for him. Just that morning she had told a few friends how disappointed she was that she knew nothing more would ever come from their friendship. At first it seemed as though Jeff and Becca would rather have all of their immunizations repeated than to enjoy this Bobby person. It wasn’t until Jeff was flirting with the waitress though he was at the young age of 5 that he started softening up to Bobby. Becca was slowly warming up also, and by the time came to get back in the car they were all laughing, joking around, and having a good time.
After two days of spending quite a bit of time together and a day of moving, they had decided that instead of a night out they should just pick up some junk food at the grocery store and hang out at Bobby’s. It was 2 days before New Year’s Eve and the crowds and traffic were just exhausting no matter where you went. Angie asked Bobby if they could watch his brother's copy of "Talladega Nights". She had been dying to see this movie and was determined to see it before leaving for boot camp. While laughing uncontrollably at the movie they both paused when Angie jokingly said something about "When we get married" (this joke had been going on since a few minutes into the first date) and followed with "Like you would ever marry me...” Bobby quickly replied with "I'd marry you". The conversation got pretty serious from there, of course. Bobby explained to Angie why he wanted to marry her and how he would not feel complete without her. Angie said, "How can I marry you? I've never even kissed you?!" Right then, like magic, they experienced their first kiss. It was amazing, naturally. After a few minutes of deep conversation, they began making their plans for the trek to Vegas the next day.
Angie woke up early on the morning of December 30th. She remembered the events of the night before and was hoping that Bobby had not had a change of heart. After letting Bobby sleep for about, oh, 2 more hours she dragged him out of bed and told him to get ready. She couldn't wait to be his wife and start a life with him! After they were ready to get on the road they started out for what they thought would be a little road trip. But they were wrong... 9 hours were spent in the car that day. During this time they were able to discuss the "important" things, almost as if the traffic was there for a reason. Once they finally arrived, they raced around trying desperately to find out where to go to get a marriage license, how to find a wedding chapel, and of course a room. It was the day before New Year's Eve and most of the hotels were booked. Once they finally got it all together they arrived at the "Garden of Love" and were wed at approximately 10:30 pm. It was a long day, but all so worth it. Angie often says that she wouldn’t have had it any other way, and falls more in love with Bobby with each and every day. Needless to say, she cancelled her enlistment and did not ship out to Boot Camp.
And now, just for fun, I want to include the blog Bobby wrote a little over 2 weeks after we got married. It, also, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy every time I go back and read it...
Monday, January 15, 2007
Current mood: thankful Category: Life
Well, it finally hit me... I'm married. Wow. Funny that it didn't fully click during our limo ride from the chapel. It hadn't even totally set in while house hunting. Not even did it hit home during the first of many naked Saturdays. But yesterday, I felt what I could only describe as a light headed pannic as we were on our way back from - it's still hard for me to say - grocery shopping. Yes, only as I realized that I was on my way home after grocery shopping with my wife did it all hit me. The radio slowly faded out, I couldn't hear the traffic along side us - total silence. And then I looked over at my wife and giggled like a complete dork - something I catch myself doing alot these day. While it's true, not so long ago even I could have never imagined myself married - now I can't remember what it was like before Angie came into my life. It's easy. I think it's easy because it's right. I can't describe it - more then an instinct or a reflex, being in love with my wife is the most natural feeling I've ever known. There's nothing more then I want then to have all the cheesey things that I swore I'd never "sell out" and live for. So, Angie notices me staring at her and asks "What", as she always does when she catches me - and my ears pop, the surrounding noise fades back in and I do the only thing I could think of. Scream like a big fat woman and laugh as I tell her what just happened. lol I love being married.
Okay, here is where I'm going to warn you with the TMI alert.
I've had 4 children. I have a little patch of spare skin. Nothing like Kate Gosselin, don't worry, but a teeny tiny one. (No, I'm not posting photos.)
My statement was that even though it has been shrinking significantly in the last few months, and more so with all the weight loss, that it will never completely go away.
What I said next was "When we're done having children, I'm cutting it off."
Bobby & I earlier this week
This is where all men should learn to listen to their wives, because obviously Bobby wasn't and thought I was referring to, um, something else. I wish I had taken a picture of the look on his face before I explained what I was really talking about...
Once upon a time I was a different person. I rarely doubted anyone. I took each person for what they said they were. I forgave most simply because they said they were sorry for some of the most hurtful heartbreaking things that had been done to me. And I dropped everything at a moment's notice to be there for friends who needed me.
Sadly, like most people in this world, I have changed. I was hurt, deeply, in several different instances where those that I loved and considered dear friends betrayed me in one way or another. I didn't change overnight, it was after being hurt repeatedly to different degrees by various loved ones over the course of years and allowing the hurt and frustration to build up.
In trying to move past the pain, I blocked out the memory, sometimes almost "deleting" the person from my memory to the best of my ability and pretending the hurt never happened. "They're dead to me" I would so easily exclaim if someone asked me when I last talked to the person, proud of my hardened heart and letting the world know that my ego was not bruised but instead stroked.
Obviously, this is ineffective as the hurt is still there, growing, causing me to be doubting, flaky, and distrusting of others. Besides, as soon as in some way or another whether by running across an old picture of different people, hearing another speak of them, or running into them the pain was quickly remembered as though a bandage was ripped away from the wound, taking the stitches with it and leaving all my anguish exposed. I talk myself down from the anger. "That person has no idea. And look who I am now in spite of all they did to hurt me! They have suffered such a loss to not know me any longer! All of the happiness they claim to have now is fake, because they certainly don't deserve it. I dare them to attempt to do the same thing to me now. They'd have another thing coming!" Only to realize very quickly "They probably could care less about anything to do with me."
And here is where it comes full circle...
The reality smacks me right in the face because I KNOW that there are people out there that I've hurt, whether intentional or unintentional, that I could care less about what is going on in their lives or where they are now.
Ouch. "What kind of person am I? That's just disgusting! I wasn't raised to be this way! Forgive and forget, love one another!"
It seems just in the last few months I've been tossed in with memories of many different past hurts and had to deal with them. Sometimes so overwhelming, not understanding why, my only option was to cry and have a pity party. Just a few moments ago I was asking God "Why do I have to go through all this, dealing with all of these people so close together?" I wasn't even done asking when I realized it's because something needs to change. I learned at a woman's conference I attended years ago as a teenager that in order to move past the hurt, grow from it, and heal you must forgive those that hurt you.
Now, I'm going to be honest, as much as I say I forgive everyone for whatever they did to me, there are probably 2 or 3 that I don't want to forgive. 1 of those people I forgave for one of the worst things a person could do to another mother only to be betrayed nearly the same way all over again months later. I realize that forgiveness doesn't mean I have to be friendly, but just the simple act of letting go of the hurt and sometimes anger seems impossible. Why should that person be forgiven for such a horrible thing? I guess the answer is simple, because if I don't I'm living in sin and as long as I carry this burden around I'm going to be unhappy. I don't want to be this person who doesn't take people for their words, doubts every single persons motive for being nice to me, assuming every friend I have secretly hates me. Why should everyone in my life now pay for the sins of those that were in my life in the past?
If only everyone had a stamp on their foreheads to state whether they were trustworthy, and meter to show just how real or fake they really are...
That's not how it is, though. This is real life. Time for me to pick myself back up, again. Time to dust off my genuine smile, and know that people are being nice to me because they simply like me, not to dig up dirt on a myself, a friend, or family member. Time to take people for their words, and not second guess every other statement.
It might take a little time, and that's okay. I'm damaged, but through forgiveness of others and forgiveness from God, I can be whole again.
Tommy has been repeating the same 3 phrases A LOT lately. He is often letting us know he is sorry, thankful, and that he loves us. That is, in addition to making it clear to us that he has no interest in counting from 1-4, but is skilled to boast the number 5-9 and what noises trains make.
All of Tommy's "Thank yous", "I love yous", & "I'm sorrys" warm my heart at how sweet of a guy he can be. He even says thank you to your thank you. (He doesn't quite know "your welcome" yet...) In fact, just the other day I was getting on to him for doing something he wasn't supposed to. I took away his toy and sat him on time out, at which point he took a breath between wails and said through his tears "THANK YOU". Though I'm thinking he might of been so upset and didn't realize he wasn't saying I'm sorry. When he tripped on his brother's seat, he turned, hugged Johnny, and said softly "I'm sorry". And the abundance of hugs and kisses that go along with his repetitive exclamation of I love you brings one of the greatest feelings a Mom could ever have.
It just makes you wonder... What would the world be like if all of the grown ups used these phrases more often and freely? Just three simple little phrases. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure this planet would be a lot more friendly, less stressed, and willing to help those in need instead of only looking out for #1.
I know, personally, I'm going to make an effort to use these phrases more. You?
For most people, the day after Christmas brings a halt to the insanity that has everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Not in this home! No sir, we don't like to keep things boring around here. Since Bobby & I met in person and married in the few days after Christmas, our anniversary falls the day before New Year's Eve. Add to the fact that our daughter's birthday lands smack dab in the middle of January (usually around Martin Luther King Jr. day) and you've got one busy, tired family. We love it all though...
This last week, however, Bobby & I took a break. We sent the 2 little ones to my Mom's for 2 days and locked ourselves in the house. We slept like we've never slept before, ate delicious food, and played Rock Band for hours. (Who doesn't love that game? Seriously?!) I cannot stress enough how wonderful it was to have time alone where we could talk to each other, goof off, and both of us eat at the same time. I believe every parent should take one of these "getaways" at least once a year, with a 2 night minimum, if possible.
On that note, I'm so blessed to have a husband who takes the time to do something so valuable for our marriage and sanity. I'm even more blessed to have parents who love my children and take them for a few days.
Now, let's see if I can lay low and stay off the radar until mid-February... Yeah, right.
(Photo of Johnny included simply because he's a doll!)
So, I'm sitting here eating some good ol' cheez-its and thinking of how wonderful of a salty snack they really are. I mean really. Think about it. What is better than cheez-its? Not a whole lot!
Cheez-its have probably been my favorite snack cracker my entire life. I loved them as a kid, as I did just about anything cheese related.
One night, my brother Jared and I were enjoying a box of tasty treats when the horrid realization that we were down to crumbs had come to our attention. Knowing it wasn't likely to happen, we asked the adults in our home to take us to the store to get some more. My Mom was tired from working all day, and our Grandparent's looked at us like we were pretty much insane. I asked if I could make a grilled cheese sandwich then. They granted permission and off to the kitchen I went...
Well, somewhere in the hall way the brilliant idea occurred to me that I could MAKE cheez-its. I mean, how hard could it be, right?
I got out the velveeta, cut it into tiny squares, and placed them on the griddle. Then I loaded on the salt. I was CERTAIN this was going to be fantastic. I had visions of my recipe being listed in the church potluck cook book. I mean, this was going to be the perfect snack, even better than the name brand, right?
Well, Jared was a little skeptical. He felt the need to feed a few pieces to our gold fish Jaws. (Jaws never ate fish food. He ate our left overs. I'm not lying. That fish lived over a year merely on our left overs! He was a carnival prize and lived on green beans, cheese, bread, etc.)
Jaws ate them up. We tried a few, were enjoying our delicacies, and in heaven. I'll never forget what happened next. Jared went to drop another piece in Jaws cereal canister (Like I said, carnival prize. He was one of 100's. My Grandma refused to invest money in a fish that could pass any day...) and it splashed. SPLASHED! Fish water ALL OVER the griddle and plate. I cried.
Naturally the grown ups thought I burned myself cooking, came running, and were horrified. I wasn't allowed to cook again for awhile. Apparently fried cheese is a greasy mess, and is FAR from a healthy cracker snack.
Just felt the need to share that story. Poor Jaws. Probably died of a heart attack due to clogged arteries after all the junk we fed him.
So, I guess it's been awhile since I've put my thoughts into word form on "the world wide web". A great number of things have taken place, that I don't know where to begin. Not only did I give birth to a beautiful baby boy, but thanks to God I survived one of the busiest most emotional times in my entire life.
I endured many sad and/or stressful moments along with many great ones. I welcomed my 2 oldest children home and then held back the tears as I sent them on their way once again. I met my newborn son, John Benjamin, just 2 1/2 weeks after my cousin Benjamin Paul went home to be with Jesus much too soon. I felt guilt for the fact that I was gaining a son as my Uncle lost his. I fought for weeks with prodromal labor before finally being induced and being lucky enough to win a dural puncture. We moved into a new home while I was recovering from childbirth & breastfeeding. At 35 weeks pregnant I somehow didn't have a nervous breakdown when a wild fire blazed behind our home & my 3 children cried in fear. (Didn't say I wasn't crying too...)
I could go on and on, but my point is that thanks to God I survived. Was it the hardest time of my life? Not even close. But that's what makes it that much more beautiful. God is there when things are good, bad, and also mixed up somewhere in between. He's just that awesome, and I'm so grateful for that.
I've had a couple of personal countdowns going on lately. 3 major ones especially. All of them are closing in, and I cannot tell you how happy and relieved I am that the D-days are getting closer!
1: Jeff and Becca arrive in just a little more than a week. It's going to feel so amazing to have all of my babies under one roof and know when I lay my head down at night that they are all just down the hall. (Well, except for the one that is with me constantly, but we'll get to that in a minute.) Even though it's only temporary, I will enjoy it thoroughly!
2: By the day Jeff and Becca arrive I hope to launch The Carnahan Family website. As I've stated before, this has been 2 years in the making. It will definitely always be a "work in progress" as there are always more pictures to be found/scanned/snapped etc. But the majority will be complete. On the agenda now is to finish sorting/tagging/labeling the photos, complete the message board, and set up a home page. (ATTENTION: This site is going to be stalker proof. Not stalker retardant or resistant. Proof. I hate to disappoint, but no. You will not be able to find out added information about Bobby or I on that website unless you are an approved user. Sorry, gotta draw the line on stalker access at some point. No fun, I know. Especially since our other family site is "down" and this is pretty much the only "public" site left.)
3: Last, but certainly not least, the arrival of Johnny D. As of yesterday, I am not only 29 weeks pregnant but he has dropped. Yes, this has added some more discomfort. (I've been on a hiatus from life as it seems since last Monday when I ended up in L&D for a pulled round ligament muscle and sciatic nerve pain.) However, I'm getting to where I realize it's not too much longer that I'll have this baby under my heart. I'm enjoying every kick and squirm. Even at night, though I wish he'd let me sleep a little more since I know he's going to be keeping me up at all hours once he arrives. I can't wait to hold my new baby, see what he looks like, introduce him to his brothers and sister... and not have to hear one more single person whine and complain about his name, the spelling, what nickname he will go by, or what they think the name should be or sounds like! It will be on a legal document and done! And if you complain then, well, you're just being cruel to a sweet little innocent baby who never did anything to you. (Whew, sorry... don't know where that came from... silly hormones...)
With all 3 of these exciting events, I feel so blessed to be a part. God has truly blessed me. I have an amazing husband with whom I have amazing children, and came from an amazing family. (It's all just AMAZING!)
Sometimes in everyday life, it's easy to forget just where you came from, and why you are where you are. Thankfully, I can say I'm in a good place. I know this is so mostly because of the prayers of my grandparents, parents, other family members, and good friends along the way. I was raised in a Godly home and instilled with values that will never leave me. Though some of us have drifted due to time and distance, by starting this website I've begun keeping up with other relatives that I might not have otherwise and feel blessed to have those connections. Who knows what else will come of it? Maybe nothing, but you never know.
So here I go, down the last stretch of road. I am so looking forward to just sitting back and enjoying what I've worked for and what God has given me. It's going to be good. I just pray that God keeps his hand on my little (though I guess a family of 5 isn't so little, is it...) family (my big extended one too!) as all these countdowns come to an end. It will be so nice to have something tangible from each once they are all 3 complete. :)
Are you a member or friend of the Carnahan family?
Well, I'm in the process of creating our family & friends website. So far I have a photo gallery, (2 years in the making! Almost all of my Grandma's photos and some of my own along with others compiled along the way from other relatives.) a blog, (for us to all contribute our own memories and stories) & a message board (catch up with each other, recipe swap, etc.). Eventually I would like to add video and MP3 (not just of family events, but also Grandpa's preaching and Grandma's piano. Don't get too excited though, this last part may take some time.)
I still have quite a bit more work to do on this before it can be unveiled. I also have quite a few people to track down for updated photos, but may wait to do this after I am finished. There are also still some photos in my Grandma's storage so even when it is "done", it won't be complete. Considering I have a family and home, I am not always able to dedicate the time needed to this project, but I promise I am doing the best I can.
So, all that being said... Are you a Carnahan, Colson, Morris, or Troxel? Maybe a descendant, attended one of Bro. Carnahan's churches, or just a family friend? Do you have any suggestions? Know someone who might be interested in viewing and being a part of this project? Let me know, and I'll add your email to a list to keep you updated and let you know how to be a part!
I hereby declare this pregnancy hormone awareness day!!! (Go through the videos in order for full effect...)
First, the song Bobby sang to me the night we got married. I know, awww... It just happened to be playing in the limo, and being nervous he sang along. This song always just makes me smile.
Now, to make you sad: You have to watch them in the exact order... Better yet, look them up for better quality versions...
Stop what you're doing! Put down the knife! Do NOT slit your wrists! "But why?!" You ask? "WHY did we have to go from happy to sad in 1.2 seconds flat?" I'll tell you why... Because that's what it's like! Not fun, is it?
Now, cheer up and watch this:
Fun! YAY! Happy! Weird, creepy, silly, but HAPPY!
Everyone getting on your nerves?
Angry and ticked, huh? But at least you feel vindicated... Don't be mad at me! I could have used a lot of worse songs just to make you feel anger! Trust me!
OK, Ignore the weird graphics...
Naturally, you worry just what that baby will look like...
Then you remember, everything will be fine...
Besides, if you're having one of Bobby's kids at least, it's inevitable...
That was just strange, and you can't explain it. You don't feel bad, but not quite like yourself either...
But who cares, you're STARVING!!!!
Now you're feeling sleepy...
What just happened? Why is it every time you fall asleep you wake up more confused? Stupid pregnancy dreams...
WAKE UP! You're nesting! Time to CLEAN!
Your husband thinks you are most certainly and definitely CRAZY!
Would not be complete without this...
Who doesn't feel happy and complete after hearing "Hysteria"? Oh yeah, that's just me... anyways...
And now, for at least a few moments...
But, here you are, and it is well...
And now, you have officially experienced a full mood swing. Congratulations! Were you truly pregnant, you would feel this way CONSTANTLY... never ending... it's such a beautiful process, isn't it? That's why to your husband you dedicate this:
Yesterday Tommy & I ran to the store, and on the way home I decided to listen to the radio. Well, first song to make me cry, naturally, was Darius Rucker's "It Won't Be Like This For Long". I have 3 children, and often long for those days I just couldn't wait to pass... like the first night home with each of them. There I was, bawling on the freeway, while Tommy "sang" along in his car seat behind me.
Well, here's where it gets even stupider... more stupid... whatever! (You don't even know how to SPELL! (What I apparently yelled at my sweet husband in my sleep last night...))
When Bobby and I had been married about 6 months or so, his first father's day as Jeff & Becca's step dad, he made a list of songs he wanted me to hear that either he just liked in general or reminded him of me while I made him a father's day dinner. One was a Brad Paisley song. Since then when I have heard it, I kind of think "awww". Well, yesterday a DIFFERENT Brad Paisley song played on the radio... and there I was, deliriously confused and sobbing at how lucky I am to have him and how far we've come in the last 2 years and 4 months... It wasn't until HOURS later that I realized IT WASN'T EVEN THE RIGHT SONG! Boy, did I feel stupid. I cried for NOTHING! He laughed at this when I told him, I was mad. Gotta love hormones....
So, tell me, which Brad Paisley song do you think was the right one, and which one the wrong?
Thank you to Kathy for the idea of the title of this blog some time ago...
So, I must admit in public now that I am slightly obsessed with make up, even though I don't wear it every day. Yes, I still keep it all in a caboodle (purple marble with a hot pink handle) and it contains mostly eye shadows & eye liners. I wouldn't say I'm vain though... If anything I have a low self esteem that I battle with every single day. I just wanted to use that blog title idea, lol.
Speaking of vanity, why is it such human nature to assume that when you read something that refers to the "general you", one must assume it is personally directed at them. Vice versa, why do some people say that something is not directed at anyone but the general public, but it is actually directed at one single group or person?
Why, as humans, and I do mean the general public here... I AM NOT TARGETING ANYONE! (Ahem, don't be vain...) do we feel the need to be so mean and/or cruel to others just because they hurt our feelings or we disagree? Everyone has been guilty of it at some point in time. Most know when to stop and not drag things on. Naturally, everyone has a right to vent or be upset... But, by golly, I've known some people who carry things on and out for so much longer than necessary. Why?! Do you not feel that you are valuable enough as a person to deserve being happy? Such bitterness only drags one down. You aren't hurting anyone but yourself as I'm sure the others don't think much of it, and you're certainly just depressing yourself.
Another vanity topic...
What is with the obsession with weight during pregnancy and postpartum? I swear it is so much more now than it was when I had Jeff and Becca. Then again, maybe it's because I was in another part of the country and not in Southern California. I've been blessed to only gain 4lbs so far with this pregnancy (I started out a little heavy as I was still working on losing weight from my pregnancy with Tommy... and it was the holidays... and Bobby and I had put on some "marital bliss" weight right before I got pregnant with Tommy...) but I've heard of women DIETING or obsessing over calories during pregnancy! Heaven forbid you not be skin and bones after you deliver! Surely, you MUST wear your jeans 3 months after delivery! What will you do if you don't ever fit into a size small again? What will everyone think if you have a slight pudge on your tummy or thighs 6 months after your baby is born? And to still have that weight 2 years later? WHAT A TRAGEDY?! Why don't people think of the tragedy that is a sick newborn? No one wants to think about the pain and suffering a premature infant goes through... What about brain or physical development being damaged due to your "ego"? Grrr... some people should never be allowed to be parents.
I could go on and on with this... but I think I've already let my hormones say enough. I'm going to shut up... NOW!
A great many things have occurred not only in my life, but in the lives of those I know and love... and even some I've never met... to cause me to once again realize just how blessed I truly am lately. While I always "know" in my heart that I'm blessed, I don't take for granted the reminders that sometimes have to be put in front of me.
God has given me a caring husband, who would never hurt me and (almost) always thinks of my feelings. (He is human, after all...)
My children are healthy. While my oldest 2 may not live under my roof most of the year, they are most certainly healthy and safe.
I am healthy. Sure, a little overweight with annoying acne and gallstones. But nothing life threatening.
I have a family that loves me.
I have friends that seem to be there when I need them.
My church is amazing and a great place to attend worship. Always involved with reaching out not only to those who attend, but to the surrounding community also.
I have a roof over my head. We may have a pincher bug invasion under way, but it's a cute old house that I still love and will continue to love until we maybe hopefully someday buy a cute new house, lol. We have heat when it's cold, air conditioning when it's hot, and electricity with running hot/cold water.
I'm never hungry for any longer than necessary. There is food in my pantry.
I really could continue this list on and on and on and on... But I think I made the point that was needed. Never take anything for granted. Just because it is here today, it may not be tomorrow. Love your loved ones, appreciate the small things, and never forget that tomorrow everything can change.
Further on that note, I would like to send out my condolences to Linda Truesdale and family on the passing of her husband Larry yesterday. I have known them both most of my life. While we all know that Larry is in the presence of Jesus, he will be missed.
Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Jared! Wow, you're like, 26... who knew you'd make it this far without severing a limb or something? Be thankful! LOL
Yes, I did it. I said deux, not two. No, this blog will not be as exciting as a Charlie Sheen movie sequel, but I chose this phrasing none the less. Get over it, I've had a long day and didn't sleep much last night. I can be a geek if I want to.
So, ironic fact of my life that I'm going to point out today: Dental issues in our home.
Bobby (doesn't he look so handsome?! Gosh...) has been severely miserable over the last month or so, off and on, due to dental procedures. Scratch that, let's just say what it was. He had a WHOLE bunch of teeth removed. Not all at once either... Poor guy went through a lot. The last procedure they had to actually cut... I'm not going to go into detail, but I don't know how he survived. I wouldn't have. (Anesthesia didn't take... and it got pretty gruesome to unusual levels.) He's only just in the last day started to feel a little better. My poor sweet amazing husband has gone through so much with this and endured pain, agony, and strife all while continuing to work (even when he was home, he was working) and take care of our family. Some of the time without pain medications, and even when he was taking them they weren't working! It was AWFUL (emphasized just for him) watching the love of my life go through all this and knowing I couldn't do anything to help, but in the long run we both know he is going to feel so much better.
Enter in the irony:
About the same time as when Bobby started having these teeth removed, Tommy started teething again. The kid hadn't cut a tooth for about 6 months, was going about his business with only 6 teeth just fine and dandy. Showed very little signs of teething and didn't really seem like he was going to for at least a few more weeks when BAM! There he was. Up off and on most nights, not napping well during the day, drooling, pain, fussy, upset tummy, lack of appetite, (says A LOT for him!) fever, restless, hyper, etc etc etc... And it wasn't just one or two teeth either. He seems to be popping a tooth a day the last few days, all on the left side. (He chews more on this side) and is really gumming a lot on the other. If he continues, in a few days his entire left side will be filled in! (I'm not gonna lie, him having a mouth full on one side and not on the other is kind of weird/funny... but from experience I know in time his mouth will be full of teeth.) Poor baby, he's been almost as miserable as his Daddy. Both of my guys going through all of this at the same time was not only taxing for all of us, but very heart wrenching for me. Nothing I could do for either! Hopefully Tommy finds some relief soon. Whether it be that his teeth all just cut quickly with little pain or he gets a small break from teething for a bit.
I didn't dare complain about something being stuck in my tooth, the fact that my wisdom teeth are 10 years overdue to be removed, or need of whitening... or how much I would like to get invisalign. These boys would kill me! I can honestly say I have learned a new appreciation for my boys and my lack of serious dental issues.
Just goes to show the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away... (Har har har...)
Seriously though, it is a true point. Ironic the timing of this all in our home though. Hopefully all of this will be done for Bobby by the time Johnny starts teething in about a year or so. Yikes!
Wow, those last few weeks flew by! So fast, I forgot to blog!
Probably because I had a few weeks of really great bursts of energy. I accomplished so much that I was wanting to get done, and even some things that I didn't plan on. Now, though, I'm back to the pregnant with lack of energy state. So here I sit, just for today at least, with plans to do nothing whatsoever but nap and veg out.
What all has happened in the last month? OH SO MUCH! Let's see... (No specific order... and of course, the news involving my children is the most exciting...)
Took another trip to Disneyland. (I had wanted to go more, but was unable to since I was finishing up all those above mentioned projects...)
Had Tommy's first birthday party.
Ikea had tax free days. (WOOHOO!)
Bobby had serious dental work done, and will again tomorrow.
Found out the gender of our new baby, which entailed discussing names, shopping, and setting up gift registries. (It's another boy, by the way. No, we're still not done. 2 more!)
Jeff turned 8! YIKES!
Discovered I have gallstones, and just how painful they can be.
Much much more, but my tired brain just doesn't want to think...
Eventful this month has been. (Thank you, Yoda, for using me in such a way.) And even more eventful will this month and the month after... and after that... etc... will be! After this weekend I believe we have 2 "free" weekends before every weekend is booked until it is almost time for Jeff and Becca to get here for the summer! Yikes! And after they leave? It'll be my due date!
Just thinking about all this has made me so tired that I forgot what I was going to blog about before I started typing and got distracted... maybe I'll be back to blog more later...
Just one of my many wish lists on the web... "Fake shopping" by creating wish lists can be oh so much fun... and therapeautic! Kind of like blogging... ;)
thankful
