Better Than Expected...

11 years ago today was by far one of the worst days of my entire life.  What took place the night before and the result that was caused was so devastating I'm not sure I can bring myself to really type about it.  I've only spoke about it with a few chosen people, it's just so personal.  Am I holding on to anger and bitterness in this situation? No. I've let go of that and moved on as far as this goes.  It's just that the memories break my heart sometimes.

If on that day, you had told me I would be here happily married to a good man with 4 children, I would have doubted it to ever happen. I felt as though all my dreams were crushed.  I wasn't even sure I deserved to be happy as I must have done something to deserve all the horrible things that were taking place. (I later woke up and realized I did nothing, whatsoever, that would justify what had happened to me.)  I questioned God as to why he was allowing this all to happen, to strip my motherhood from me before I had even held a child in my arms.  To have the person who was supposed to care for me more than anyone betray me and cause such pain.  It's all so clear now, though.  I will never forget my Grandma telling me "Just give it time, you're going to look back at this, and while it's still going to hurt, you are going to be so happy it happened now instead of later. It will all make sense then."  Thank you, Jesus, because she was so right.  (She almost always was, after all.)

Some things I've learned, whether directly through this circumstance or during reflection in the time since, are:

• That there is truth to the statement God will never give us more than we can handle.  
• While trials I've been through over the years have been pretty tough, there is always going to be someone who is worse off.
• Even when I feel all alone, as though no one even hears my prayers, Jesus is there.  Just waiting for the right time. 
• Abuse, miscarriages, deceit, betrayal, & infidelity are all horrible hurtful things, but putting faith in God can almost make you forget the pain of it all.
• There is nothing like finding your true love, and NO ONE should settle for less than the best.  If you can see yourself living happily without them in the future, then it's probably not meant to be.  As my Aunt told me, "If in 10 years you don't see them, don't waste your time now."

Will I ever forget February 23rd, 1999?  Never.  Have I grown from what happened?  Yes.  Life has been so much easier since I was able to stop, look back, and see the big picture... and while it was tough at the time, it's only a memory now.  Besides, it just makes Heaven that much sweeter... And now here I am, with a great marriage, amazing husband, and the best kids anyone could ask for.  All is much better than expected... as a matter of fact, it's a dream come true.

Okay, So I'm Not 20 Anymore...

Nor have I been for awhile. :sigh:

Regardless, this song really speaks to me.  I think the lyrics speak for themselves.  I often find myself singing it since the first time I heard it months ago.  Gotta love it...

Song: Free To Be Me
Album: My Paper Heart
Artist: Francesca Battistelli

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

(Chorus)
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus)

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

(Chorus)

Me + IUD = STOT

Okay, first of all, I want to state 2 things.

1: This blog is based solely on my experience and/or opinion.  This is just how this situation affected me, and it may not affect anyone else in the same way.  I am not looking to "talk trash" about any one company or person.  Just relating my adventure out to the world.

2: This blog is about my recent experience over the course of 4 months with an IUD. An IUD is an intrauterine device... used for birth control...In case you still aren't grasping this... I'm going to be writing about a piece of equipment that was installed in my uterus to keep me from getting pregnant.  If you can not handle hearing the details of this, please do not read.

So, on with the show...

There I was, 6 weeks after Johnny was born at my postpartum check up, faced with the question I had been dreading to hear my Dr. ask.  "What would you like to do for birth control?"  Why do I hate this question, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you... because NOTHING works.

- Pills? They have either failed in the past, meaning I got pregnant, or it would send me into a strange depression, or cause me to have other complications. (Constant spotting, weight gain, massive acne (worse than usual), migraines, etc.) No, I didn't just need to try a different brand. I've been on at least 10 different prescriptions for birth control pills. Possibly more.

- Nuva-ring? Ugh, I hated that one. (Remind yourself I warned you about TMI) First few months were okay, then 2 months in a row I had HORRIBLE cramping with Nuva-ring, but light bleeding for the first few hours... then suddenly I would feel dizzy, nauseated - eventually vomiting, and as though my uterus were in a vice when I would suddenly shed what seemed to be my entire uterine lining at once.  Just one huge clot.  Obviously, I refused to continue using that.

- Depo-provera? I was sick/bleeding the entire time the shot was effective.  It was believed I possibly had a miscarriage during the use also.  But keep in mind when I say sick, I mean Dr's sending me in for lab work every week trying to figure out what was wrong with me, losing 20lbs and then gaining 40, swollen spleen and liver, & massive body aches and pain among other things. Not just sick with the sniffles. Sick.

- Rhythm method? Sure... until I realized I was a forgetful clutz and would forget to track dates and temperatures.

- Condoms, film, spermicide, etc... Well, looks like that's my only option now...

- I should also mentioned that none of my children were planned. Two of them there were "talks" of having a baby in the near future, but no active trying.  In fact, it was being prevented every time.  That should give you an idea as to why this whole subject is just not a fun one for me.

I sit there with my Dr and we go over all of these options.  He says it's clear with my reaction to the pills I should not be taking anything with hormones, and should have never tried the other hormone methods as they do the same thing.  Then he says what my ears always were scared but excited to hear... "How about we try a copper IUD?"

For years I've looked into IUDs.  They both terrified me and yet seemed so liberating.  Nothing to remember, complete freedom.  But yet... it's a copper appliance inside your uterus and that just seems so strange.  How is it not painful?  I talked to a few people I knew with them in the past and they always said they loved them... but then there were those reviews I'd read on the internet that referred to them as torture devices... and that risk of a perforated uterus... and though these are completely different than the copper IUDs that turned women's insides into mush a couple decades ago, how do we know just how safe they really are? Oh, the torment of debating this back and forth... but going with this seemed to be my last option other than barrier methods and going back to counting/charting.  I sat and stared... "I want to go with this, but I'm scared!" My Dr laughed, mocked me, and then asked the million dollar question: "Scared of what? The pain of insertion? Would you rather go through the pain of another childbirth?"

Obviously, I agreed, accepted a pamplet on Paragard (the brand name of the IUD) and went on my merry way.  2 weeks later it was inserted.  Oh my good Lord in Heaven... I'm not cursing or saying God's name in vain, I'm literally saying I wouldn't have made it through that without crying if I had not been praying.  After I was dizzy and had to lay down for about 20 minutes on the exam table.  When I got up and dressed to leave, the nurse asked me to please stay and rest a little longer, as I apparently looked very pail.  Since my Mom was driving me I felt safe to go ahead and go.

The what I thought at the time was intense cramping lasted about 2-3 days.  Like a really bad period, but I thought it was worth it.  The bleeding stopped on day 7.  After that, everything seemed to be going great.  Went in for my check up to make sure insertion went well and that there was no infection 4 weeks later.  All was going great, I had no complaints....

That is until the next week, the day after Thanksgiving, when I started my first period.  I was floored.  Couldn't hardly move.  I had been warned that the pain/flow of menstruation could increase, even dramatically, with the IUD, but I didn't realize it would be like this.  After a day, I was feeling better, and decided to push through it and go on out and get my Thanksgiving sale shopping done.  A couple days go by, and my hormones seem to be severely off balance.  I'm usually emotional during this time of the month, but this was insane.  The pain wasn't letting up, and after 6 days it was getting worse.  I finally gave in and went to urgent care where I was given pain meds and told to take it easy.  The Dr there suggested I just have it removed, but I felt that after all that trouble I needed to give it a few months. What a mistake!

That was November.  Between then and early February I was bleeding 2 weeks out of every 4.  My energy levels most of the time were at a complete low.  What little energy I had went to taking care of my 2 young boys.  Some days Bobby had to work from home or use sick days to care for me and the little ones.  I had already made an appointment with my Dr for February to just give up and have it taken out. I was done... but then I ended up worse and in the emergency room with pain at a level of 9-10/10, vomiting, light headed, and other symptoms.  I just wanted the ER Dr to take it out, but he didn't feel comfortable doing so.  I was given shot of  morphine, more pain killers to take home, something to stop the vomiting, and the suggestion to not do much.  You know, because I was out running marathons and climbing mountains all this time.

On the day of my removal, I was nervous and scared.  My Dr asked, "Is it just not working out for you?"  I replied, "I would rather give birth than to deal with this.  Having 4 more kids would be easier than this!" He said "Well, okay then. Sorry about that."  What more could he say, though, right?

Surprisingly, it all went well.  No pain. No bleeding. Just a sudden feeling of relief, as though my body had been trying to rid itself of it the entire time. (Kind of a no brainer that it had been, right?)  My Dr warned me that it may take my cycle a few months to get back to "normal" as far as the pain level/flow is concerned.  Well, here I am, first cycle. Pain is worse than what my periods were before, but NOTHING compared to having satan's tool of torture in my womb. (That was my pet name for my IUD... some might name theirs something cute like Betsy or Penny, this was what I named mine.  STOT for short.)  I am optimistic, though, that in a few months I will be back to normal and not camped out on the couch every month.  I guess all I can do is take it as a learning experience... a learning experience for what, I don't know.  But if I look at it in any other way and sit and think of the months of my life wasted in unnecessary pain I might just start crying, and I feel like I've done enough of that.

Now, having said all that... if you should be happening to consider an IUD, don't take my experience as something that happens to everyone.  From what I understand, most women don't have this reaction... but some do.  Educate yourself and know what to expect.  And the first month if you are in treacherous pain, don't wait thinking it'll get easier... If you can't take it, remove it. Don't waste your time, miss out on Christmas day activities, friends and families events, church, and have everything in your life fall behind. It's just not worth it.  I do hope it works out though, because for those who I have talked to that have had them without problems say they are wonderful... :(  Oh well.

Edited to add: I don't know what the heck is going on with the formatting on this entry.  It irritates me, too, trust me. I didn't do this blindly and not realize I was doing it wrong. I'm giving up on trying to fix it though... Sorry it bugs!

Thank You, Carrie Underwood...

For now I cry like a ninny at least once an hour... which is how often I hear this song now...




Not saying I don't love this song, because I most absolutely do. Just... WOW. Tearjerker!

There Was This One Time I Was Going To Do The Right Thing...

This morning I only got in 26 minutes of cardio.  Since my set goal is 30 mins per day, I figured "no biggie, I'll come back in and get in another 20 mins or so this afternoon, which would be even better."

Sure enough, my parents asked to take the boys this afternoon, and I thought I was finally going to have my chance... Until as I was walking to answer the door I stubbed my toe on Johnny's bouncy seat and now here I lay on the couch.  Peaceful quiet home, my heart full of anger towards my toe, and my tummy rumbling & begging for a snack.

I so badly want to eat some junk food right now. Grrrr...

I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Johnny & Tommy playing together this morning. 

Such sweet boys!

If Only...

Once upon a time I was a different person.  I rarely doubted anyone.  I took each person for what they said they were.  I forgave most simply because they said they were sorry for some of the most hurtful heartbreaking things that had been done to me. And I dropped everything at a moment's notice to be there for friends who needed me.

Sadly, like most people in this world, I have changed.  I was hurt, deeply, in several different instances where those that I loved and considered dear friends betrayed me in one way or another.  I didn't change overnight, it was after being hurt repeatedly to different degrees by various loved ones over the course of years and allowing the hurt and frustration to build up.  

In trying to move past the pain, I blocked out the memory, sometimes almost "deleting" the person from my memory to the best of my ability and pretending the hurt never happened.  "They're dead to me" I would so easily exclaim if someone asked me when I last talked to the person, proud of my hardened heart and letting the world know that my ego was not bruised but instead stroked.

Obviously, this is ineffective as the hurt is still there, growing, causing me to be doubting, flaky, and distrusting of others.  Besides, as soon as in some way or another whether by running across an old picture of different people, hearing another speak of them, or running into them the pain was quickly remembered as though a bandage was ripped away from the wound, taking the stitches with it and leaving all my anguish exposed.  I talk myself down from the anger.  "That person has no idea.  And look who I am now in spite of all they did to hurt me!  They have suffered such a loss to not know me any longer!  All of the happiness they claim to have now is fake, because they certainly don't deserve it. I dare them to attempt to do the same thing to me now.  They'd have another thing coming!"  Only to realize very quickly "They probably could care less about anything to do with me." 

And here is where it comes full circle...

The reality smacks me right in the face because I KNOW that there are people out there that I've hurt, whether intentional or unintentional, that I could care less about what is going on in their lives or where they are now.

Ouch.  "What kind of person am I?  That's just disgusting!  I wasn't raised to be this way!  Forgive and forget, love one another!"

It seems just in the last few months I've been tossed in with memories of many different past hurts and had to deal with them.  Sometimes so overwhelming, not understanding why, my only option was to cry and have a pity party.  Just a few moments ago I was asking God "Why do I have to go through all this, dealing with all of these people so close together?"  I wasn't even done asking when I realized it's because something needs to change.  I learned at a woman's conference I attended years ago as a teenager that in order to move past the hurt, grow from it, and heal you must forgive those that hurt you.  

Now, I'm going to be honest, as much as I say I forgive everyone for whatever they did to me, there are probably 2 or 3 that I don't want to forgive.  1 of those people I forgave for one of the worst things a person could do to another mother only to be betrayed nearly the same way all over again months later.  I realize that forgiveness doesn't mean I have to be friendly, but just the simple act of letting go of the hurt and sometimes anger seems impossible. Why should that person be forgiven for such a horrible thing?  I guess the answer is simple, because if I don't I'm living in sin and as long as I carry this burden around I'm going to be unhappy.  I don't want to be this person who doesn't take people for their words, doubts every single persons motive for being nice to me, assuming every friend I have secretly hates me.  Why should everyone in my life now pay for the sins of those that were in my life in the past?

If only everyone had a stamp on their foreheads to state whether they were trustworthy, and meter to show just how real or fake they really are...

That's not how it is, though.  This is real life.  Time for me to pick myself back up, again.  Time to dust off my genuine smile, and know that people are being nice to me because they simply like me, not to dig up dirt on a myself, a friend, or family member.  Time to take people for their words, and not second guess every other statement.  

It might take a little time, and that's okay.  I'm damaged, but through forgiveness of others and forgiveness from God, I can be whole again.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things...

This song is just amazing. I can't hear it without crying. And written by a man who was an awesome minister who was taken to Heaven much too soon. Thank you, Jesus, for giving this man the talent and the song. It's a perfect explanation of what His love has done for me. And yet I wasn't even born when it was written...

Bobby & I once danced to this song in Ralph's (Grocery store) at 1am after a difficult week. I don't remember particularly why it was a hard week, but I do remember the spontaneity of the moment and the romance of the way Bobby took the bag of Dorito's I was picking out of the bin and threw it aside as we began our waltz over to the bottled water aisle. One of the most romantic moments of my entire life.

I love this song. It's just flat out soothing & peaceful. Just the other night I had a tough night. Okay, I admit. It was a bad hair day that took hours to repair. When this song came on my iPod I stopped, took a deep breath, felt the calm take over me, and was able to accomplish my goal. This song I have played on happy days, sad days, stressful days, and days full of rejoicing. :sigh:

I really can't explain this one. It's been my favorite song since I was a wee teenager. I do know that when I realized I didn't want to be alone forever as I had previously claimed during my divorce was while listening to this song. I wanted to feel "Hysteria". Yeah, I know. Super cheesy. Who cares, go read another blog if you don't want cheese, because me? I'm all about cheese. Especially since Bobby came along. Thanks to him, I know "Hysteria".

LOVE this! Who doesn't?

Okay, just kidding. I was serious about the others though!

More to come as I think of them... I'm tapped out for now.

Thar Be A Storm A Comin'...

If you're curious as to why the annoying title, click here.

For those of you that are in So Cal reading this, you know that we are anticipating yet another storm.  The clouds are rolling in, the air is chill, and visibility is less and less.

In the recent burn areas, more sand bags are being put out to prevent mud slides.  In the valleys and near reservoirs, county and city workers are putting out the "flooded" and "warning" signs.  For those with children who play outdoors, this is the time you would overlook the yard to make sure no toys were left out.  Farmers and other agricultural workers are taking the appropriate precautions with the animals, crops, and land.

We've all learned in the past that while the forecast might say one thing, it may do something completely different.  If I personally learned anything from living where there was true winter weather, it was to be ready should the worst happen.  If a blizzard comes along and you're going to be stuck in your home for days, you're going to want food.  I know where we are at now, there is a chance if a large rainfall happens in a short amount of time, getting out of our neighborhood is extremely challenging.  In those times, one needs to be sure to have all the staples and necessities.  Food, medications, candles, batteries, etc.

In life, we should always be prepared for emergencies.  For example, no one could have predicted just how much snow would fall in the San Bernardino mountains this past week.  Yesterday, there were residents and tourists stranded without food and gas.  I'm not sure how much could have been really done to prevent this situation, but if they had known, don't you think the area would have been well stocked?

We take all this attention to our homes and families when prepping for a storm... But what about our souls?  Are you ready for a storm?  Have you been spending time with God in prayer and focusing on him instead of what can wait?  I can say from recent experience, battling a storm with Him is so much simpler than without.  You can face the winds without fear.  You will no longer startle at the thunder or lightning. When the temperature drops, you'll be kept warm.  Instead of the raindrops stinging your face, you will find shelter.  And if the storm goes on too long, you'll be kept sustained and well taken care of.  Facing a storm with Jesus doesn't mean the clouds won't be on the horizon, but that the effects will not affect you as severely.

Thank you, Lord, for all of the storms you've brought me through this far.  Help me to be prepared for each one after by keeping you first in my life.

Your Call Will Be Answered In Approximately 437 Minutes...

Thank you for holding!

I just want to take a moment to mention how thankful I am that God does not answer our prayers in the order which they were received, but in his time.

Further more, I'm glad that my matters are all in his hands, instead of someone at a call center who gets to randomly decide what is important and what is not.

To take it one step more with that statement, I'm even more grateful that God decides what is important, what is urgent, what can wait, and what should be ignored.

What it must be like to see it all from the big picture, and know the need before it is needed... To know what seems so important to us is actually rather insignificant... To see what we view as "URGENT" and know that it can actually wait, or vice versa.

I'm so glad I'm not in charge.  And no offense, but I'm so glad you're not in charge either!

The Blog Nazi Says...

No blog for you! Come back 1 day!

Just Between You & Me

This morning, in the course of random thinking.  (It's a scary, but fun sport.)  I wondered how many people a long the way have I unintentionally hurt.  We've all done it, and everyone at some point has been hurt in this way.  And no, I'm not talking about sarcasm or passive aggressive behavior.  I mean flat out not realizing that your words or actions are hurtful to someone who either took it the wrong way or my brain/mouth filter having a momentary lapse.

Lord, forgive me for anyone I have hurt this way.  And if anyone reading at some point was hurt by something I said or did, I'm sorry.  I would never intentionally do anything to hurt someone, and believe me, if I were angry... you would know.  (Lord, forgive me for that also...)

Today Is The Greatest Day I've Ever Known...

This morning I woke up in a "mood".   I felt sensitive and vulnerable.

I know that some are affected this way by the weather, but I don't believe that was the cause of my outlook.  In fact, I'm feeling down that our rainy days are coming to an end soon.  I love stormy weather, and this week has just been great for me in that sense. I find myself dreading Saturday when it is forecasted to be partly sunny by afternoon.

I started off just annoyed to be awake.  I think we all have a day like that from time to time, right?  I didn't sleep well last night, and the fact that today was already here just really flat out ticked me off.  Then I checked my email and something that I wouldn't normally think twice about made me want to cry.  In general I was feeling down and discouraged, feeling as though doom and gloom were on the horizon. As I went on with my morning, I just kept thinking "I don't want today to be like this!"  I most certainly didn't want to be the cause of anyone else's bad attitude with my negativity, either.

When I was a little girl and a teenager, if I was feeling down, my Grandma would tell me: "Why should you be sad?  We have Jesus!  Read your Bible for a little while and I'm sure you'll feel better."  Grandma was also known for her love of Pollyanna and looking on the bright side.

I figured I'd give it a try this morning. I mean, I read my Bible on a regular basis, but what could it hurt to just stop and read and expect something to cheer me up?

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!

Isaiah 52:7

Now how does that not make you feel better, huh?  Makes it hard to have a negative outlook, I'll say that much...

And The Weekly Top 40!

So, I should probably do the smart thing and not write a blog while medicated.

But when have I ever been known to do that, HUH? ;)

It seems I've reached a point in my life where less and less I find myself worrying about what others think.  Now, don't get me wrong.  Let's clarify.  I still make an effort to not offend others and would never purposely do something that would cause someone to think less of me.  What I'm talking about is simply me being who I am, and not worrying what anyone else thinks of what my opinion, status, dress, spirit, wealth, size, etc. is.

It has taken me over 28 years to get to this point, and let me just say it is oh so liberating.  To just be myself without an apology, ahhhh.  I must thank my husband most of all for helping me to this point, but that's not to say a lot of others haven't been there for me either.

And now I'm going to post this blog, as boring as it may be, and not worry for a single second what anyone else thinks about it, because it's my blog. HA! So there! ;)

Wow...

So, I guess it's been awhile since I've put my thoughts into word form on "the world wide web". A great number of things have taken place, that I don't know where to begin. Not only did I give birth to a beautiful baby boy, but thanks to God I survived one of the busiest most emotional times in my entire life.

I endured many sad and/or stressful moments along with many great ones. I welcomed my 2 oldest children home and then held back the tears as I sent them on their way once again. I met my newborn son, John Benjamin, just 2 1/2 weeks after my cousin Benjamin Paul went home to be with Jesus much too soon. I felt guilt for the fact that I was gaining a son as my Uncle lost his. I fought for weeks with prodromal labor before finally being induced and being lucky enough to win a dural puncture. We moved into a new home while I was recovering from childbirth & breastfeeding. At 35 weeks pregnant I somehow didn't have a nervous breakdown when a wild fire blazed behind our home & my 3 children cried in fear. (Didn't say I wasn't crying too...)

I could go on and on, but my point is that thanks to God I survived. Was it the hardest time of my life? Not even close. But that's what makes it that much more beautiful. God is there when things are good, bad, and also mixed up somewhere in between. He's just that awesome, and I'm so grateful for that.

It's been awhile...

A watched pot never boils....

Nor does a timed uterus contract.

Yes, Crystal, I really did come up with that on my own.

I Can Relate... Kinda...

The last few weeks we have had a little friend hanging out in our back yard. I don't know for sure what kind of bird it is, but it keeps me up. Eventually, every night, I end up humming this...




Which, in turn, is making me relate completely to this...



I hope and pray this bird finds some reason to move to another location soon. Falling asleep before 3am would be nice. Why it doesn't affect Bobby or Tommy is beyond me!

P.S. Crystal, I need my Failure To Launch dvd back... lol

I'm A Blubbering Idiot: At The Very Most, To Say The Very Least...

Adventures in incubating...

Yesterday Tommy & I ran to the store, and on the way home I decided to listen to the radio. Well, first song to make me cry, naturally, was Darius Rucker's "It Won't Be Like This For Long". I have 3 children, and often long for those days I just couldn't wait to pass... like the first night home with each of them. There I was, bawling on the freeway, while Tommy "sang" along in his car seat behind me.



Well, here's where it gets even stupider... more stupid... whatever! (You don't even know how to SPELL! (What I apparently yelled at my sweet husband in my sleep last night...))

When Bobby and I had been married about 6 months or so, his first father's day as Jeff & Becca's step dad, he made a list of songs he wanted me to hear that either he just liked in general or reminded him of me while I made him a father's day dinner. One was a Brad Paisley song. Since then when I have heard it, I kind of think "awww". Well, yesterday a DIFFERENT Brad Paisley song played on the radio... and there I was, deliriously confused and sobbing at how lucky I am to have him and how far we've come in the last 2 years and 4 months... It wasn't until HOURS later that I realized IT WASN'T EVEN THE RIGHT SONG! Boy, did I feel stupid. I cried for NOTHING! He laughed at this when I told him, I was mad. Gotta love hormones....

So, tell me, which Brad Paisley song do you think was the right one, and which one the wrong?

I Am Blessed...

A great many things have occurred not only in my life, but in the lives of those I know and love... and even some I've never met... to cause me to once again realize just how blessed I truly am lately. While I always "know" in my heart that I'm blessed, I don't take for granted the reminders that sometimes have to be put in front of me.

• God has given me a caring husband, who would never hurt me and (almost) always thinks of my feelings. (He is human, after all...)
• My children are healthy. While my oldest 2 may not live under my roof most of the year, they are most certainly healthy and safe.
• I am healthy. Sure, a little overweight with annoying acne and gallstones. But nothing life threatening.
• I have a family that loves me.
• I have friends that seem to be there when I need them.
• My church is amazing and a great place to attend worship. Always involved with reaching out not only to those who attend, but to the surrounding community also.
• I have a roof over my head. We may have a pincher bug invasion under way, but it's a cute old house that I still love and will continue to love until we maybe hopefully someday buy a cute new house, lol. We have heat when it's cold, air conditioning when it's hot, and electricity with running hot/cold water.
• I'm never hungry for any longer than necessary. There is food in my pantry.

I really could continue this list on and on and on and on... But I think I made the point that was needed. Never take anything for granted. Just because it is here today, it may not be tomorrow. Love your loved ones, appreciate the small things, and never forget that tomorrow everything can change.

Further on that note, I would like to send out my condolences to Linda Truesdale and family on the passing of her husband Larry yesterday. I have known them both most of my life. While we all know that Larry is in the presence of Jesus, he will be missed.

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Jared! Wow, you're like, 26... who knew you'd make it this far without severing a limb or something? Be thankful! LOL

Ironing Out The Irony ~ Part Deux

Yes, I did it. I said deux, not two. No, this blog will not be as exciting as a Charlie Sheen movie sequel, but I chose this phrasing none the less. Get over it, I've had a long day and didn't sleep much last night. I can be a geek if I want to.

So, ironic fact of my life that I'm going to point out today: Dental issues in our home.

Bobby (doesn't he look so handsome?! Gosh...) has been severely miserable over the last month or so, off and on, due to dental procedures. Scratch that, let's just say what it was. He had a WHOLE bunch of teeth removed. Not all at once either... Poor guy went through a lot. The last procedure they had to actually cut... I'm not going to go into detail, but I don't know how he survived. I wouldn't have. (Anesthesia didn't take... and it got pretty gruesome to unusual levels.) He's only just in the last day started to feel a little better. My poor sweet amazing husband has gone through so much with this and endured pain, agony, and strife all while continuing to work (even when he was home, he was working) and take care of our family. Some of the time without pain medications, and even when he was taking them they weren't working! It was AWFUL (emphasized just for him) watching the love of my life go through all this and knowing I couldn't do anything to help, but in the long run we both know he is going to feel so much better.

Enter in the irony:

About the same time as when Bobby started having these teeth removed, Tommy started teething again. The kid hadn't cut a tooth for about 6 months, was going about his business with only 6 teeth just fine and dandy. Showed very little signs of teething and didn't really seem like he was going to for at least a few more weeks when BAM! There he was. Up off and on most nights, not napping well during the day, drooling, pain, fussy, upset tummy, lack of appetite, (says A LOT for him!) fever, restless, hyper, etc etc etc... And it wasn't just one or two teeth either. He seems to be popping a tooth a day the last few days, all on the left side. (He chews more on this side) and is really gumming a lot on the other. If he continues, in a few days his entire left side will be filled in! (I'm not gonna lie, him having a mouth full on one side and not on the other is kind of weird/funny... but from experience I know in time his mouth will be full of teeth.) Poor baby, he's been almost as miserable as his Daddy. Both of my guys going through all of this at the same time was not only taxing for all of us, but very heart wrenching for me. Nothing I could do for either! Hopefully Tommy finds some relief soon. Whether it be that his teeth all just cut quickly with little pain or he gets a small break from teething for a bit.

I didn't dare complain about something being stuck in my tooth, the fact that my wisdom teeth are 10 years overdue to be removed, or need of whitening... or how much I would like to get invisalign. These boys would kill me! I can honestly say I have learned a new appreciation for my boys and my lack of serious dental issues.

Just goes to show the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away... (Har har har...)

Seriously though, it is a true point. Ironic the timing of this all in our home though. Hopefully all of this will be done for Bobby by the time Johnny starts teething in about a year or so. Yikes!

Quick Mention...

REALLY liking this song... Bobby even mentioned the words "Not Bad" when I asked what he thought of it... ENJOY! Not just great lyrics, but I also enjoy every other aspect of the song!




I definitely plan on buying the album when it releases in May!

I've had some Jars Of Clay popping up on my iPod lately, and I forgot just how much I love them. One of my favorites: (Video quality isn't the best...)



Grace

God, I admit I haven't changed
Playing card houses still covering my landscape
I never expected You to stay
When I'm grabbing for these crumbs and cold loose change

I feel Your grace come running over every road
I love the way You're calling overflow
I feel Your grace come running over every road
You break the floodgates down and carry all

God, I admit that I've loved these chains
And crawling around this cage sometimes has its advantages
I know someday this could get old
And I'll need Your healing water to find my home

Another "old" song I've been listening to a lot lately that is rather spiritually emotional...




Okay, so since I listened to that last tear jerker and am now crying, I better go wash my face and finish preparing dinner...