Better Than Expected...

11 years ago today was by far one of the worst days of my entire life.  What took place the night before and the result that was caused was so devastating I'm not sure I can bring myself to really type about it.  I've only spoke about it with a few chosen people, it's just so personal.  Am I holding on to anger and bitterness in this situation? No. I've let go of that and moved on as far as this goes.  It's just that the memories break my heart sometimes.

If on that day, you had told me I would be here happily married to a good man with 4 children, I would have doubted it to ever happen. I felt as though all my dreams were crushed.  I wasn't even sure I deserved to be happy as I must have done something to deserve all the horrible things that were taking place. (I later woke up and realized I did nothing, whatsoever, that would justify what had happened to me.)  I questioned God as to why he was allowing this all to happen, to strip my motherhood from me before I had even held a child in my arms.  To have the person who was supposed to care for me more than anyone betray me and cause such pain.  It's all so clear now, though.  I will never forget my Grandma telling me "Just give it time, you're going to look back at this, and while it's still going to hurt, you are going to be so happy it happened now instead of later. It will all make sense then."  Thank you, Jesus, because she was so right.  (She almost always was, after all.)

Some things I've learned, whether directly through this circumstance or during reflection in the time since, are:

• That there is truth to the statement God will never give us more than we can handle.  
• While trials I've been through over the years have been pretty tough, there is always going to be someone who is worse off.
• Even when I feel all alone, as though no one even hears my prayers, Jesus is there.  Just waiting for the right time. 
• Abuse, miscarriages, deceit, betrayal, & infidelity are all horrible hurtful things, but putting faith in God can almost make you forget the pain of it all.
• There is nothing like finding your true love, and NO ONE should settle for less than the best.  If you can see yourself living happily without them in the future, then it's probably not meant to be.  As my Aunt told me, "If in 10 years you don't see them, don't waste your time now."

Will I ever forget February 23rd, 1999?  Never.  Have I grown from what happened?  Yes.  Life has been so much easier since I was able to stop, look back, and see the big picture... and while it was tough at the time, it's only a memory now.  Besides, it just makes Heaven that much sweeter... And now here I am, with a great marriage, amazing husband, and the best kids anyone could ask for.  All is much better than expected... as a matter of fact, it's a dream come true.

Me + IUD = STOT

Okay, first of all, I want to state 2 things.

1: This blog is based solely on my experience and/or opinion.  This is just how this situation affected me, and it may not affect anyone else in the same way.  I am not looking to "talk trash" about any one company or person.  Just relating my adventure out to the world.

2: This blog is about my recent experience over the course of 4 months with an IUD. An IUD is an intrauterine device... used for birth control...In case you still aren't grasping this... I'm going to be writing about a piece of equipment that was installed in my uterus to keep me from getting pregnant.  If you can not handle hearing the details of this, please do not read.

So, on with the show...

There I was, 6 weeks after Johnny was born at my postpartum check up, faced with the question I had been dreading to hear my Dr. ask.  "What would you like to do for birth control?"  Why do I hate this question, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you... because NOTHING works.

- Pills? They have either failed in the past, meaning I got pregnant, or it would send me into a strange depression, or cause me to have other complications. (Constant spotting, weight gain, massive acne (worse than usual), migraines, etc.) No, I didn't just need to try a different brand. I've been on at least 10 different prescriptions for birth control pills. Possibly more.

- Nuva-ring? Ugh, I hated that one. (Remind yourself I warned you about TMI) First few months were okay, then 2 months in a row I had HORRIBLE cramping with Nuva-ring, but light bleeding for the first few hours... then suddenly I would feel dizzy, nauseated - eventually vomiting, and as though my uterus were in a vice when I would suddenly shed what seemed to be my entire uterine lining at once.  Just one huge clot.  Obviously, I refused to continue using that.

- Depo-provera? I was sick/bleeding the entire time the shot was effective.  It was believed I possibly had a miscarriage during the use also.  But keep in mind when I say sick, I mean Dr's sending me in for lab work every week trying to figure out what was wrong with me, losing 20lbs and then gaining 40, swollen spleen and liver, & massive body aches and pain among other things. Not just sick with the sniffles. Sick.

- Rhythm method? Sure... until I realized I was a forgetful clutz and would forget to track dates and temperatures.

- Condoms, film, spermicide, etc... Well, looks like that's my only option now...

- I should also mentioned that none of my children were planned. Two of them there were "talks" of having a baby in the near future, but no active trying.  In fact, it was being prevented every time.  That should give you an idea as to why this whole subject is just not a fun one for me.

I sit there with my Dr and we go over all of these options.  He says it's clear with my reaction to the pills I should not be taking anything with hormones, and should have never tried the other hormone methods as they do the same thing.  Then he says what my ears always were scared but excited to hear... "How about we try a copper IUD?"

For years I've looked into IUDs.  They both terrified me and yet seemed so liberating.  Nothing to remember, complete freedom.  But yet... it's a copper appliance inside your uterus and that just seems so strange.  How is it not painful?  I talked to a few people I knew with them in the past and they always said they loved them... but then there were those reviews I'd read on the internet that referred to them as torture devices... and that risk of a perforated uterus... and though these are completely different than the copper IUDs that turned women's insides into mush a couple decades ago, how do we know just how safe they really are? Oh, the torment of debating this back and forth... but going with this seemed to be my last option other than barrier methods and going back to counting/charting.  I sat and stared... "I want to go with this, but I'm scared!" My Dr laughed, mocked me, and then asked the million dollar question: "Scared of what? The pain of insertion? Would you rather go through the pain of another childbirth?"

Obviously, I agreed, accepted a pamplet on Paragard (the brand name of the IUD) and went on my merry way.  2 weeks later it was inserted.  Oh my good Lord in Heaven... I'm not cursing or saying God's name in vain, I'm literally saying I wouldn't have made it through that without crying if I had not been praying.  After I was dizzy and had to lay down for about 20 minutes on the exam table.  When I got up and dressed to leave, the nurse asked me to please stay and rest a little longer, as I apparently looked very pail.  Since my Mom was driving me I felt safe to go ahead and go.

The what I thought at the time was intense cramping lasted about 2-3 days.  Like a really bad period, but I thought it was worth it.  The bleeding stopped on day 7.  After that, everything seemed to be going great.  Went in for my check up to make sure insertion went well and that there was no infection 4 weeks later.  All was going great, I had no complaints....

That is until the next week, the day after Thanksgiving, when I started my first period.  I was floored.  Couldn't hardly move.  I had been warned that the pain/flow of menstruation could increase, even dramatically, with the IUD, but I didn't realize it would be like this.  After a day, I was feeling better, and decided to push through it and go on out and get my Thanksgiving sale shopping done.  A couple days go by, and my hormones seem to be severely off balance.  I'm usually emotional during this time of the month, but this was insane.  The pain wasn't letting up, and after 6 days it was getting worse.  I finally gave in and went to urgent care where I was given pain meds and told to take it easy.  The Dr there suggested I just have it removed, but I felt that after all that trouble I needed to give it a few months. What a mistake!

That was November.  Between then and early February I was bleeding 2 weeks out of every 4.  My energy levels most of the time were at a complete low.  What little energy I had went to taking care of my 2 young boys.  Some days Bobby had to work from home or use sick days to care for me and the little ones.  I had already made an appointment with my Dr for February to just give up and have it taken out. I was done... but then I ended up worse and in the emergency room with pain at a level of 9-10/10, vomiting, light headed, and other symptoms.  I just wanted the ER Dr to take it out, but he didn't feel comfortable doing so.  I was given shot of  morphine, more pain killers to take home, something to stop the vomiting, and the suggestion to not do much.  You know, because I was out running marathons and climbing mountains all this time.

On the day of my removal, I was nervous and scared.  My Dr asked, "Is it just not working out for you?"  I replied, "I would rather give birth than to deal with this.  Having 4 more kids would be easier than this!" He said "Well, okay then. Sorry about that."  What more could he say, though, right?

Surprisingly, it all went well.  No pain. No bleeding. Just a sudden feeling of relief, as though my body had been trying to rid itself of it the entire time. (Kind of a no brainer that it had been, right?)  My Dr warned me that it may take my cycle a few months to get back to "normal" as far as the pain level/flow is concerned.  Well, here I am, first cycle. Pain is worse than what my periods were before, but NOTHING compared to having satan's tool of torture in my womb. (That was my pet name for my IUD... some might name theirs something cute like Betsy or Penny, this was what I named mine.  STOT for short.)  I am optimistic, though, that in a few months I will be back to normal and not camped out on the couch every month.  I guess all I can do is take it as a learning experience... a learning experience for what, I don't know.  But if I look at it in any other way and sit and think of the months of my life wasted in unnecessary pain I might just start crying, and I feel like I've done enough of that.

Now, having said all that... if you should be happening to consider an IUD, don't take my experience as something that happens to everyone.  From what I understand, most women don't have this reaction... but some do.  Educate yourself and know what to expect.  And the first month if you are in treacherous pain, don't wait thinking it'll get easier... If you can't take it, remove it. Don't waste your time, miss out on Christmas day activities, friends and families events, church, and have everything in your life fall behind. It's just not worth it.  I do hope it works out though, because for those who I have talked to that have had them without problems say they are wonderful... :(  Oh well.

Edited to add: I don't know what the heck is going on with the formatting on this entry.  It irritates me, too, trust me. I didn't do this blindly and not realize I was doing it wrong. I'm giving up on trying to fix it though... Sorry it bugs!

TGIF!!!

Ahhhh, Friday.  And I am in such a good mood...

Fridays are different from any other day of the week.  People are happier, making them usually nicer.  Everyone is excited and anticipating what the weekend might hold for them.  Life seems to be more laid back, whether you work or not.  And for those of us who attend church, we have Sunday to look forward to!

See, I love Fridays.  Sometimes that means Bobby works from home, and other times it means that the boys & I are that much closer to having him home to ourselves for 2 days.  Dinner is usually something simpler, but always delicious... & since I've been dieting Friday is sometimes my "cheat night".  

Today, however, I have 2 more reasons to be in a good mood!  

When I went in to get dressed my pants were just way too big... not loose, BIG! WOO-HOO!!!

I decided to step on the scale and check things out... only to find I've officially lost 15lbs!!!

Now, if I could just get more disciplined with the exercise, so I can continue to lose at the pace I have been...  or more... The only downside to all this weight loss was in the beginning I didn't realize how much red meat I ate on a regular basis and I'm pretty sure I lost some iron, making me slightly fatigued.  I'm feeling better now that I'm taking a supplement, but still struggle with sticking with a routine.  I actually enjoy working out, a whole lot more than I thought I would... I think I'm just getting bored doing the same old thing.  I plan to get a cardio dvd in the next few weeks and hope that will break the feeling that this is tedious I get at times... until then, I've got to buckle down and just keep with it!  

We'll see how that goes... Right now I just want to sit on the couch with my snuggie and play with the boys.  This weather doesn't help with the "get up and go" attitude I need to have.  Gotta get moving though!  Hmm... this is my struggle. I'll let you all know how it goes.

Heaven's To Betsy

Quite possibly one of my favorite blogs I've written.  Not sure if it's my most absolute favorite, but it's up there.  May seem silly, but it came to me after a LOT of pondering...

Monday, August 28, 2006 10:00 PM

Heaven's to Betsy... Current mood:  anxious Category: Games    So, last time I typed a blog about an overused word or phrase, it was just HELL! All Hell broke lose. It was just such a hell of a blog, it should have been damned into the lake of fire. Seriously.,, Well, this time, let's focus on Heaven... and Betsy. Why? Why would we wish that Heaven come down to creation and meet up with Betsy? 1: Just who is Betsy. What kind of woman she must be for all of us to be demanding that heaven come to her, instead of her going there? No one is that special, I'm sorry. Get there the same way the rest of us are going, lady. Don't cut in front of me! The line is too long as it is! 2: How are we certain she is going to Heaven? Maybe she deserves fire and brimstone? Maybe a bolt of lightning is going to come out of the sky and smite us for actually calling down heaven on such a despicable creature? We don't know her heart, after all. Bottom line. I don't know Betsy and I don't like the idea of her taking the easy way out. However, I just cannot help myself from saying this phrase. It just rolls off the tongue like sweet butter on a hot biscuit. Mmm.. homemade and old fashioned. Makes me feel.... People, are you kidding me? I feel nothing. Nothing but shame for saying something so stupid as "HEAVEN'S TO BETSY!" Then again, hell isn't such a smart thing to say either. And now I will continue with my mundane life... pondering the great mysteries and in sighting you all when they have been processed. Much love to you, Betsy, and the Heaven's above... and may you have a good night.

Sad & Unfortunate Memory...

Sunday, June 04, 2006 3:46 PM

Apparently I have the potential to be a Smooth Criminal... Current mood:  aggravated Category: Life    Because I have a black man in my car from time to time. Yes, you read that right folks... Here's the rundown... Cory and I were driving ALL OVER THE FRIKKEN WORLD yesterday. Having a good ol' time. We were driving through Santiago Canyon, discussing my theory on Rocks being stupid, throw boys at them and so on. (Not that deep of a conversation, don't worry, you didn't miss anything.) We decided to continue on down Chapman Ave. to In N Out to grab some tasty deluctibles. Well, we're almost there, & I have not done a single thing illegal.  Out of nowhere, this guy is on my tail. I just drive like normal. About 2 miles, on my tail. Literally. Finally, pulls me over right in front of In N Out. By the time he finally got to my window, did he tell me what I did wrong? NO. HE LOOKED IN THE CAR AT CORY. Oh yes, my friends, he did. I have never seen racial profiling THIS bad ever. He goes through the whole spiel of license and registration. I didn't have my license, because if you know me, I lost it last week. He didn't care that the car wasn't in my name. He didn't care that I didn't have proof of insurance. He was more concerned as to why I was in OC and why I was letting a black man riding in my car. Wanted to know exactly how long we had known eachother, how we knew eachother, what friends we shared, etc. Now, here's the kicker, he thought I had to be way older than 24. Um, I may have been a little haggered, but that cut deep. Do I look like a frikken prostitute? I know Cory doesn't look like a drug dealer, etc . Something in my gut told me the reason we were pulled over, and everything this cop said made it perfectly clear. So badly, that when he was gone I turned to Cory and stated. "I'm sorry, but did we just get pulled over for having a black guy in a white girl's car?" I felt so sick. :( To make it worse... THE HUGE RATS, YES RATS, OUTSIDE OF IN N OUT ON CHAPMAN IN ORANGE. Good thing the cop didn't hear that I was playing Whitney Houston. Would have been worse if he had gone through my music collection. Janet, Jacko, Whitney. Lil' Jon, Usher.... Might have been able to balance with the Def Leppard  & country though...

Note To Self...

Dear Angie,

When you are going to post a blog full of songs that creep you out, but yet you love so much... first of all, include them all.  How could you forget this one?



Second, after writing the blog, don't sit and watch stupid suspenseful movies with Bobby.  He already made you watch another cheesy one earlier in the day. Why watch another?

Third, when you are laying in bed quietly thinking to yourself of your "To-Do" list for the next day, do not be startled by how creepy Bobby's random sudden laugh is when he remembers a silly occurrence with your son earlier in the day.  There is no reason Bobby's laugh should scare the crap out of you now, you've been hearing it for years.  Just because you are laying there in solemn and out of nowhere this loud eerie noise and breath tickle your ear, you should still not have the crap scared out of you!

Fourth, why would you be surprised that Bobby would take every chance for the 30 minutes following the occurrence with the laugh and the scream to scare you?  You should know better!  Though you were right to not let him fall asleep before you.

Fifth, make sure you tell Bobby "Happy Valentine's Day".  Give him a big hug and kiss. Also be sure to tell him you love him.  Thank him for letting you sleep in and making the most delicious scrambled eggs you've had.  After all, he knew you were on a low calorie diet and took extra measures to make the entire meal healthy.  He's such a swell guy.  Going to all that trouble and even leaving 14 videos on your facebook wall while you were sleeping.  You are, most certainly, the luckiest girl in the world!

Love,
Angie

P.S. Next time you go to the store, could you please remember to pick up a shower cap? Thanks.

There Was This One Time I Was Going To Do The Right Thing...

This morning I only got in 26 minutes of cardio.  Since my set goal is 30 mins per day, I figured "no biggie, I'll come back in and get in another 20 mins or so this afternoon, which would be even better."

Sure enough, my parents asked to take the boys this afternoon, and I thought I was finally going to have my chance... Until as I was walking to answer the door I stubbed my toe on Johnny's bouncy seat and now here I lay on the couch.  Peaceful quiet home, my heart full of anger towards my toe, and my tummy rumbling & begging for a snack.

I so badly want to eat some junk food right now. Grrrr...

I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Johnny & Tommy playing together this morning. 

Such sweet boys!

6 lbs Down!

A little over 2 weeks ago I decided to stop whining about being overweight and out of shape, and start being proactive in changing the entire situation.  I started counting calories and exercising.  Might I say it's been much easier than I expected, which is probably why I haven't blogged much about it.  I hit my first "wall" yesterday, feeling as though I hit a plateau, only to wake up this morning to find I had lost another full pound.

My plan is to chart out my feelings of joy and frustration here, but we'll see how that goes...

I do feel as though I deserve to brag about my first 6 lbs, so that's what I'm doing.  Go me! I can't wait to reach my short and long term goals and hopefully keep the weight off!

If Only...

Once upon a time I was a different person.  I rarely doubted anyone.  I took each person for what they said they were.  I forgave most simply because they said they were sorry for some of the most hurtful heartbreaking things that had been done to me. And I dropped everything at a moment's notice to be there for friends who needed me.

Sadly, like most people in this world, I have changed.  I was hurt, deeply, in several different instances where those that I loved and considered dear friends betrayed me in one way or another.  I didn't change overnight, it was after being hurt repeatedly to different degrees by various loved ones over the course of years and allowing the hurt and frustration to build up.  

In trying to move past the pain, I blocked out the memory, sometimes almost "deleting" the person from my memory to the best of my ability and pretending the hurt never happened.  "They're dead to me" I would so easily exclaim if someone asked me when I last talked to the person, proud of my hardened heart and letting the world know that my ego was not bruised but instead stroked.

Obviously, this is ineffective as the hurt is still there, growing, causing me to be doubting, flaky, and distrusting of others.  Besides, as soon as in some way or another whether by running across an old picture of different people, hearing another speak of them, or running into them the pain was quickly remembered as though a bandage was ripped away from the wound, taking the stitches with it and leaving all my anguish exposed.  I talk myself down from the anger.  "That person has no idea.  And look who I am now in spite of all they did to hurt me!  They have suffered such a loss to not know me any longer!  All of the happiness they claim to have now is fake, because they certainly don't deserve it. I dare them to attempt to do the same thing to me now.  They'd have another thing coming!"  Only to realize very quickly "They probably could care less about anything to do with me." 

And here is where it comes full circle...

The reality smacks me right in the face because I KNOW that there are people out there that I've hurt, whether intentional or unintentional, that I could care less about what is going on in their lives or where they are now.

Ouch.  "What kind of person am I?  That's just disgusting!  I wasn't raised to be this way!  Forgive and forget, love one another!"

It seems just in the last few months I've been tossed in with memories of many different past hurts and had to deal with them.  Sometimes so overwhelming, not understanding why, my only option was to cry and have a pity party.  Just a few moments ago I was asking God "Why do I have to go through all this, dealing with all of these people so close together?"  I wasn't even done asking when I realized it's because something needs to change.  I learned at a woman's conference I attended years ago as a teenager that in order to move past the hurt, grow from it, and heal you must forgive those that hurt you.  

Now, I'm going to be honest, as much as I say I forgive everyone for whatever they did to me, there are probably 2 or 3 that I don't want to forgive.  1 of those people I forgave for one of the worst things a person could do to another mother only to be betrayed nearly the same way all over again months later.  I realize that forgiveness doesn't mean I have to be friendly, but just the simple act of letting go of the hurt and sometimes anger seems impossible. Why should that person be forgiven for such a horrible thing?  I guess the answer is simple, because if I don't I'm living in sin and as long as I carry this burden around I'm going to be unhappy.  I don't want to be this person who doesn't take people for their words, doubts every single persons motive for being nice to me, assuming every friend I have secretly hates me.  Why should everyone in my life now pay for the sins of those that were in my life in the past?

If only everyone had a stamp on their foreheads to state whether they were trustworthy, and meter to show just how real or fake they really are...

That's not how it is, though.  This is real life.  Time for me to pick myself back up, again.  Time to dust off my genuine smile, and know that people are being nice to me because they simply like me, not to dig up dirt on a myself, a friend, or family member.  Time to take people for their words, and not second guess every other statement.  

It might take a little time, and that's okay.  I'm damaged, but through forgiveness of others and forgiveness from God, I can be whole again.

Thar Be A Storm A Comin'...

If you're curious as to why the annoying title, click here.

For those of you that are in So Cal reading this, you know that we are anticipating yet another storm.  The clouds are rolling in, the air is chill, and visibility is less and less.

In the recent burn areas, more sand bags are being put out to prevent mud slides.  In the valleys and near reservoirs, county and city workers are putting out the "flooded" and "warning" signs.  For those with children who play outdoors, this is the time you would overlook the yard to make sure no toys were left out.  Farmers and other agricultural workers are taking the appropriate precautions with the animals, crops, and land.

We've all learned in the past that while the forecast might say one thing, it may do something completely different.  If I personally learned anything from living where there was true winter weather, it was to be ready should the worst happen.  If a blizzard comes along and you're going to be stuck in your home for days, you're going to want food.  I know where we are at now, there is a chance if a large rainfall happens in a short amount of time, getting out of our neighborhood is extremely challenging.  In those times, one needs to be sure to have all the staples and necessities.  Food, medications, candles, batteries, etc.

In life, we should always be prepared for emergencies.  For example, no one could have predicted just how much snow would fall in the San Bernardino mountains this past week.  Yesterday, there were residents and tourists stranded without food and gas.  I'm not sure how much could have been really done to prevent this situation, but if they had known, don't you think the area would have been well stocked?

We take all this attention to our homes and families when prepping for a storm... But what about our souls?  Are you ready for a storm?  Have you been spending time with God in prayer and focusing on him instead of what can wait?  I can say from recent experience, battling a storm with Him is so much simpler than without.  You can face the winds without fear.  You will no longer startle at the thunder or lightning. When the temperature drops, you'll be kept warm.  Instead of the raindrops stinging your face, you will find shelter.  And if the storm goes on too long, you'll be kept sustained and well taken care of.  Facing a storm with Jesus doesn't mean the clouds won't be on the horizon, but that the effects will not affect you as severely.

Thank you, Lord, for all of the storms you've brought me through this far.  Help me to be prepared for each one after by keeping you first in my life.

Your Call Will Be Answered In Approximately 437 Minutes...

Thank you for holding!

I just want to take a moment to mention how thankful I am that God does not answer our prayers in the order which they were received, but in his time.

Further more, I'm glad that my matters are all in his hands, instead of someone at a call center who gets to randomly decide what is important and what is not.

To take it one step more with that statement, I'm even more grateful that God decides what is important, what is urgent, what can wait, and what should be ignored.

What it must be like to see it all from the big picture, and know the need before it is needed... To know what seems so important to us is actually rather insignificant... To see what we view as "URGENT" and know that it can actually wait, or vice versa.

I'm so glad I'm not in charge.  And no offense, but I'm so glad you're not in charge either!

This Just In...

Bobby has stated that I am a perfect Mom.  If that is so, I would guess I am perfect in general, right? RIGHT?!

Though I think he was comparing me to this freak (click on freak) and next to her, nearly anyone would look great....

Still, I'm just sayin'... Bobby said I'm perfect.

This blog will be kept on file for future references when complaints are brought up against me and my "perfection".

Note: On January 22nd, 2010, Bobby stated that I am perfect.

Thank you.

P.S. Isn't he HOT!!! I'm seriously one lucky woman to be married to such a perfect father & husband. ;)

Today Is The Greatest Day I've Ever Known...

This morning I woke up in a "mood".   I felt sensitive and vulnerable.

I know that some are affected this way by the weather, but I don't believe that was the cause of my outlook.  In fact, I'm feeling down that our rainy days are coming to an end soon.  I love stormy weather, and this week has just been great for me in that sense. I find myself dreading Saturday when it is forecasted to be partly sunny by afternoon.

I started off just annoyed to be awake.  I think we all have a day like that from time to time, right?  I didn't sleep well last night, and the fact that today was already here just really flat out ticked me off.  Then I checked my email and something that I wouldn't normally think twice about made me want to cry.  In general I was feeling down and discouraged, feeling as though doom and gloom were on the horizon. As I went on with my morning, I just kept thinking "I don't want today to be like this!"  I most certainly didn't want to be the cause of anyone else's bad attitude with my negativity, either.

When I was a little girl and a teenager, if I was feeling down, my Grandma would tell me: "Why should you be sad?  We have Jesus!  Read your Bible for a little while and I'm sure you'll feel better."  Grandma was also known for her love of Pollyanna and looking on the bright side.

I figured I'd give it a try this morning. I mean, I read my Bible on a regular basis, but what could it hurt to just stop and read and expect something to cheer me up?

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!

Isaiah 52:7

Now how does that not make you feel better, huh?  Makes it hard to have a negative outlook, I'll say that much...

And The Weekly Top 40!

So, I should probably do the smart thing and not write a blog while medicated.

But when have I ever been known to do that, HUH? ;)

It seems I've reached a point in my life where less and less I find myself worrying about what others think.  Now, don't get me wrong.  Let's clarify.  I still make an effort to not offend others and would never purposely do something that would cause someone to think less of me.  What I'm talking about is simply me being who I am, and not worrying what anyone else thinks of what my opinion, status, dress, spirit, wealth, size, etc. is.

It has taken me over 28 years to get to this point, and let me just say it is oh so liberating.  To just be myself without an apology, ahhhh.  I must thank my husband most of all for helping me to this point, but that's not to say a lot of others haven't been there for me either.

And now I'm going to post this blog, as boring as it may be, and not worry for a single second what anyone else thinks about it, because it's my blog. HA! So there! ;)

So There Was This ONE Time I Was Weird...

So, I'm sitting here eating some good ol' cheez-its and thinking of how wonderful of a salty snack they really are. I mean really. Think about it. What is better than cheez-its? Not a whole lot!

Cheez-its have probably been my favorite snack cracker my entire life. I loved them as a kid, as I did just about anything cheese related.

One night, my brother Jared and I were enjoying a box of tasty treats when the horrid realization that we were down to crumbs had come to our attention. Knowing it wasn't likely to happen, we asked the adults in our home to take us to the store to get some more. My Mom was tired from working all day, and our Grandparent's looked at us like we were pretty much insane. I asked if I could make a grilled cheese sandwich then. They granted permission and off to the kitchen I went...

Well, somewhere in the hall way the brilliant idea occurred to me that I could MAKE cheez-its. I mean, how hard could it be, right?

I got out the velveeta, cut it into tiny squares, and placed them on the griddle. Then I loaded on the salt. I was CERTAIN this was going to be fantastic. I had visions of my recipe being listed in the church potluck cook book. I mean, this was going to be the perfect snack, even better than the name brand, right?

Well, Jared was a little skeptical. He felt the need to feed a few pieces to our gold fish Jaws. (Jaws never ate fish food. He ate our left overs. I'm not lying. That fish lived over a year merely on our left overs! He was a carnival prize and lived on green beans, cheese, bread, etc.)

Jaws ate them up. We tried a few, were enjoying our delicacies, and in heaven. I'll never forget what happened next. Jared went to drop another piece in Jaws cereal canister (Like I said, carnival prize. He was one of 100's. My Grandma refused to invest money in a fish that could pass any day...) and it splashed. SPLASHED! Fish water ALL OVER the griddle and plate. I cried.

Naturally the grown ups thought I burned myself cooking, came running, and were horrified. I wasn't allowed to cook again for awhile. Apparently fried cheese is a greasy mess, and is FAR from a healthy cracker snack.

Just felt the need to share that story. Poor Jaws. Probably died of a heart attack due to clogged arteries after all the junk we fed him.

RIP Jaws, RIP.

Uhh... Is This Safe To Eat Still?

Is that a question you often hear in your home?

I'm extremely cautious of not eating foods after they expire. I took a nutrition class about 5 years ago, maybe a little longer, and as a result have become aware of the dangers of food poisoning. I do NOT take chances.

My Mom, who is the same way, knows how much this concerns me and sent me this link:

http://www.stilltasty.com/

I highly suggest you all checking it out! I haven't looked at it into too much depth, but I certainly plan to!

Thanks, Mom! :)

Why Our UPS Man Hates Us...

Enough said...
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About YOU!

Thank you to Kathy for the idea of the title of this blog some time ago...

So, I must admit in public now that I am slightly obsessed with make up, even though I don't wear it every day. Yes, I still keep it all in a caboodle (purple marble with a hot pink handle) and it contains mostly eye shadows & eye liners. I wouldn't say I'm vain though... If anything I have a low self esteem that I battle with every single day. I just wanted to use that blog title idea, lol.

Speaking of vanity, why is it such human nature to assume that when you read something that refers to the "general you", one must assume it is personally directed at them. Vice versa, why do some people say that something is not directed at anyone but the general public, but it is actually directed at one single group or person?

Why, as humans, and I do mean the general public here... I AM NOT TARGETING ANYONE! (Ahem, don't be vain...) do we feel the need to be so mean and/or cruel to others just because they hurt our feelings or we disagree? Everyone has been guilty of it at some point in time. Most know when to stop and not drag things on. Naturally, everyone has a right to vent or be upset... But, by golly, I've known some people who carry things on and out for so much longer than necessary. Why?! Do you not feel that you are valuable enough as a person to deserve being happy? Such bitterness only drags one down. You aren't hurting anyone but yourself as I'm sure the others don't think much of it, and you're certainly just depressing yourself.

Another vanity topic...

What is with the obsession with weight during pregnancy and postpartum? I swear it is so much more now than it was when I had Jeff and Becca. Then again, maybe it's because I was in another part of the country and not in Southern California. I've been blessed to only gain 4lbs so far with this pregnancy (I started out a little heavy as I was still working on losing weight from my pregnancy with Tommy... and it was the holidays... and Bobby and I had put on some "marital bliss" weight right before I got pregnant with Tommy...) but I've heard of women DIETING or obsessing over calories during pregnancy! Heaven forbid you not be skin and bones after you deliver! Surely, you MUST wear your jeans 3 months after delivery! What will you do if you don't ever fit into a size small again? What will everyone think if you have a slight pudge on your tummy or thighs 6 months after your baby is born? And to still have that weight 2 years later? WHAT A TRAGEDY?! Why don't people think of the tragedy that is a sick newborn? No one wants to think about the pain and suffering a premature infant goes through... What about brain or physical development being damaged due to your "ego"? Grrr... some people should never be allowed to be parents.

I could go on and on with this... but I think I've already let my hormones say enough. I'm going to shut up... NOW!

Ironing Out The Irony ~ Part Deux

Yes, I did it. I said deux, not two. No, this blog will not be as exciting as a Charlie Sheen movie sequel, but I chose this phrasing none the less. Get over it, I've had a long day and didn't sleep much last night. I can be a geek if I want to.

So, ironic fact of my life that I'm going to point out today: Dental issues in our home.

Bobby (doesn't he look so handsome?! Gosh...) has been severely miserable over the last month or so, off and on, due to dental procedures. Scratch that, let's just say what it was. He had a WHOLE bunch of teeth removed. Not all at once either... Poor guy went through a lot. The last procedure they had to actually cut... I'm not going to go into detail, but I don't know how he survived. I wouldn't have. (Anesthesia didn't take... and it got pretty gruesome to unusual levels.) He's only just in the last day started to feel a little better. My poor sweet amazing husband has gone through so much with this and endured pain, agony, and strife all while continuing to work (even when he was home, he was working) and take care of our family. Some of the time without pain medications, and even when he was taking them they weren't working! It was AWFUL (emphasized just for him) watching the love of my life go through all this and knowing I couldn't do anything to help, but in the long run we both know he is going to feel so much better.

Enter in the irony:

About the same time as when Bobby started having these teeth removed, Tommy started teething again. The kid hadn't cut a tooth for about 6 months, was going about his business with only 6 teeth just fine and dandy. Showed very little signs of teething and didn't really seem like he was going to for at least a few more weeks when BAM! There he was. Up off and on most nights, not napping well during the day, drooling, pain, fussy, upset tummy, lack of appetite, (says A LOT for him!) fever, restless, hyper, etc etc etc... And it wasn't just one or two teeth either. He seems to be popping a tooth a day the last few days, all on the left side. (He chews more on this side) and is really gumming a lot on the other. If he continues, in a few days his entire left side will be filled in! (I'm not gonna lie, him having a mouth full on one side and not on the other is kind of weird/funny... but from experience I know in time his mouth will be full of teeth.) Poor baby, he's been almost as miserable as his Daddy. Both of my guys going through all of this at the same time was not only taxing for all of us, but very heart wrenching for me. Nothing I could do for either! Hopefully Tommy finds some relief soon. Whether it be that his teeth all just cut quickly with little pain or he gets a small break from teething for a bit.

I didn't dare complain about something being stuck in my tooth, the fact that my wisdom teeth are 10 years overdue to be removed, or need of whitening... or how much I would like to get invisalign. These boys would kill me! I can honestly say I have learned a new appreciation for my boys and my lack of serious dental issues.

Just goes to show the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away... (Har har har...)

Seriously though, it is a true point. Ironic the timing of this all in our home though. Hopefully all of this will be done for Bobby by the time Johnny starts teething in about a year or so. Yikes!

I'm sorry, but I do have self respect.

Bobby sent this to me today. Say a prayer for him, so that when I smack him on the back of the head as he returns home I will not do too much damage.



Needless to say, I will NOT be trying out "The Prego Shuffle". Thank you very much!