Better Than Expected...

11 years ago today was by far one of the worst days of my entire life.  What took place the night before and the result that was caused was so devastating I'm not sure I can bring myself to really type about it.  I've only spoke about it with a few chosen people, it's just so personal.  Am I holding on to anger and bitterness in this situation? No. I've let go of that and moved on as far as this goes.  It's just that the memories break my heart sometimes.

If on that day, you had told me I would be here happily married to a good man with 4 children, I would have doubted it to ever happen. I felt as though all my dreams were crushed.  I wasn't even sure I deserved to be happy as I must have done something to deserve all the horrible things that were taking place. (I later woke up and realized I did nothing, whatsoever, that would justify what had happened to me.)  I questioned God as to why he was allowing this all to happen, to strip my motherhood from me before I had even held a child in my arms.  To have the person who was supposed to care for me more than anyone betray me and cause such pain.  It's all so clear now, though.  I will never forget my Grandma telling me "Just give it time, you're going to look back at this, and while it's still going to hurt, you are going to be so happy it happened now instead of later. It will all make sense then."  Thank you, Jesus, because she was so right.  (She almost always was, after all.)

Some things I've learned, whether directly through this circumstance or during reflection in the time since, are:

• That there is truth to the statement God will never give us more than we can handle.  
• While trials I've been through over the years have been pretty tough, there is always going to be someone who is worse off.
• Even when I feel all alone, as though no one even hears my prayers, Jesus is there.  Just waiting for the right time. 
• Abuse, miscarriages, deceit, betrayal, & infidelity are all horrible hurtful things, but putting faith in God can almost make you forget the pain of it all.
• There is nothing like finding your true love, and NO ONE should settle for less than the best.  If you can see yourself living happily without them in the future, then it's probably not meant to be.  As my Aunt told me, "If in 10 years you don't see them, don't waste your time now."

Will I ever forget February 23rd, 1999?  Never.  Have I grown from what happened?  Yes.  Life has been so much easier since I was able to stop, look back, and see the big picture... and while it was tough at the time, it's only a memory now.  Besides, it just makes Heaven that much sweeter... And now here I am, with a great marriage, amazing husband, and the best kids anyone could ask for.  All is much better than expected... as a matter of fact, it's a dream come true.

Me + IUD = STOT

Okay, first of all, I want to state 2 things.

1: This blog is based solely on my experience and/or opinion.  This is just how this situation affected me, and it may not affect anyone else in the same way.  I am not looking to "talk trash" about any one company or person.  Just relating my adventure out to the world.

2: This blog is about my recent experience over the course of 4 months with an IUD. An IUD is an intrauterine device... used for birth control...In case you still aren't grasping this... I'm going to be writing about a piece of equipment that was installed in my uterus to keep me from getting pregnant.  If you can not handle hearing the details of this, please do not read.

So, on with the show...

There I was, 6 weeks after Johnny was born at my postpartum check up, faced with the question I had been dreading to hear my Dr. ask.  "What would you like to do for birth control?"  Why do I hate this question, you ask?  Well, I'll tell you... because NOTHING works.

- Pills? They have either failed in the past, meaning I got pregnant, or it would send me into a strange depression, or cause me to have other complications. (Constant spotting, weight gain, massive acne (worse than usual), migraines, etc.) No, I didn't just need to try a different brand. I've been on at least 10 different prescriptions for birth control pills. Possibly more.

- Nuva-ring? Ugh, I hated that one. (Remind yourself I warned you about TMI) First few months were okay, then 2 months in a row I had HORRIBLE cramping with Nuva-ring, but light bleeding for the first few hours... then suddenly I would feel dizzy, nauseated - eventually vomiting, and as though my uterus were in a vice when I would suddenly shed what seemed to be my entire uterine lining at once.  Just one huge clot.  Obviously, I refused to continue using that.

- Depo-provera? I was sick/bleeding the entire time the shot was effective.  It was believed I possibly had a miscarriage during the use also.  But keep in mind when I say sick, I mean Dr's sending me in for lab work every week trying to figure out what was wrong with me, losing 20lbs and then gaining 40, swollen spleen and liver, & massive body aches and pain among other things. Not just sick with the sniffles. Sick.

- Rhythm method? Sure... until I realized I was a forgetful clutz and would forget to track dates and temperatures.

- Condoms, film, spermicide, etc... Well, looks like that's my only option now...

- I should also mentioned that none of my children were planned. Two of them there were "talks" of having a baby in the near future, but no active trying.  In fact, it was being prevented every time.  That should give you an idea as to why this whole subject is just not a fun one for me.

I sit there with my Dr and we go over all of these options.  He says it's clear with my reaction to the pills I should not be taking anything with hormones, and should have never tried the other hormone methods as they do the same thing.  Then he says what my ears always were scared but excited to hear... "How about we try a copper IUD?"

For years I've looked into IUDs.  They both terrified me and yet seemed so liberating.  Nothing to remember, complete freedom.  But yet... it's a copper appliance inside your uterus and that just seems so strange.  How is it not painful?  I talked to a few people I knew with them in the past and they always said they loved them... but then there were those reviews I'd read on the internet that referred to them as torture devices... and that risk of a perforated uterus... and though these are completely different than the copper IUDs that turned women's insides into mush a couple decades ago, how do we know just how safe they really are? Oh, the torment of debating this back and forth... but going with this seemed to be my last option other than barrier methods and going back to counting/charting.  I sat and stared... "I want to go with this, but I'm scared!" My Dr laughed, mocked me, and then asked the million dollar question: "Scared of what? The pain of insertion? Would you rather go through the pain of another childbirth?"

Obviously, I agreed, accepted a pamplet on Paragard (the brand name of the IUD) and went on my merry way.  2 weeks later it was inserted.  Oh my good Lord in Heaven... I'm not cursing or saying God's name in vain, I'm literally saying I wouldn't have made it through that without crying if I had not been praying.  After I was dizzy and had to lay down for about 20 minutes on the exam table.  When I got up and dressed to leave, the nurse asked me to please stay and rest a little longer, as I apparently looked very pail.  Since my Mom was driving me I felt safe to go ahead and go.

The what I thought at the time was intense cramping lasted about 2-3 days.  Like a really bad period, but I thought it was worth it.  The bleeding stopped on day 7.  After that, everything seemed to be going great.  Went in for my check up to make sure insertion went well and that there was no infection 4 weeks later.  All was going great, I had no complaints....

That is until the next week, the day after Thanksgiving, when I started my first period.  I was floored.  Couldn't hardly move.  I had been warned that the pain/flow of menstruation could increase, even dramatically, with the IUD, but I didn't realize it would be like this.  After a day, I was feeling better, and decided to push through it and go on out and get my Thanksgiving sale shopping done.  A couple days go by, and my hormones seem to be severely off balance.  I'm usually emotional during this time of the month, but this was insane.  The pain wasn't letting up, and after 6 days it was getting worse.  I finally gave in and went to urgent care where I was given pain meds and told to take it easy.  The Dr there suggested I just have it removed, but I felt that after all that trouble I needed to give it a few months. What a mistake!

That was November.  Between then and early February I was bleeding 2 weeks out of every 4.  My energy levels most of the time were at a complete low.  What little energy I had went to taking care of my 2 young boys.  Some days Bobby had to work from home or use sick days to care for me and the little ones.  I had already made an appointment with my Dr for February to just give up and have it taken out. I was done... but then I ended up worse and in the emergency room with pain at a level of 9-10/10, vomiting, light headed, and other symptoms.  I just wanted the ER Dr to take it out, but he didn't feel comfortable doing so.  I was given shot of  morphine, more pain killers to take home, something to stop the vomiting, and the suggestion to not do much.  You know, because I was out running marathons and climbing mountains all this time.

On the day of my removal, I was nervous and scared.  My Dr asked, "Is it just not working out for you?"  I replied, "I would rather give birth than to deal with this.  Having 4 more kids would be easier than this!" He said "Well, okay then. Sorry about that."  What more could he say, though, right?

Surprisingly, it all went well.  No pain. No bleeding. Just a sudden feeling of relief, as though my body had been trying to rid itself of it the entire time. (Kind of a no brainer that it had been, right?)  My Dr warned me that it may take my cycle a few months to get back to "normal" as far as the pain level/flow is concerned.  Well, here I am, first cycle. Pain is worse than what my periods were before, but NOTHING compared to having satan's tool of torture in my womb. (That was my pet name for my IUD... some might name theirs something cute like Betsy or Penny, this was what I named mine.  STOT for short.)  I am optimistic, though, that in a few months I will be back to normal and not camped out on the couch every month.  I guess all I can do is take it as a learning experience... a learning experience for what, I don't know.  But if I look at it in any other way and sit and think of the months of my life wasted in unnecessary pain I might just start crying, and I feel like I've done enough of that.

Now, having said all that... if you should be happening to consider an IUD, don't take my experience as something that happens to everyone.  From what I understand, most women don't have this reaction... but some do.  Educate yourself and know what to expect.  And the first month if you are in treacherous pain, don't wait thinking it'll get easier... If you can't take it, remove it. Don't waste your time, miss out on Christmas day activities, friends and families events, church, and have everything in your life fall behind. It's just not worth it.  I do hope it works out though, because for those who I have talked to that have had them without problems say they are wonderful... :(  Oh well.

Edited to add: I don't know what the heck is going on with the formatting on this entry.  It irritates me, too, trust me. I didn't do this blindly and not realize I was doing it wrong. I'm giving up on trying to fix it though... Sorry it bugs!

Miss Communication

A little while ago, I was discussing my "pouch".

Okay, here is where I'm going to warn you with the TMI alert.

I've had 4 children.  I have a little patch of spare skin.  Nothing like Kate Gosselin, don't worry, but a teeny tiny one.  (No, I'm not posting photos.)

My statement was that even though it has been shrinking significantly in the last few months, and more so with all the weight loss, that it will never completely go away.

What I said next was "When we're done having children, I'm cutting it off."

 

Bobby & I earlier this week

 

This is where all men should learn to listen to their wives, because obviously Bobby wasn't and thought I was referring to, um, something else.  I wish I had taken a picture of the look on his face before I explained what I was really talking about...

Wow...

So, I guess it's been awhile since I've put my thoughts into word form on "the world wide web". A great number of things have taken place, that I don't know where to begin. Not only did I give birth to a beautiful baby boy, but thanks to God I survived one of the busiest most emotional times in my entire life.

I endured many sad and/or stressful moments along with many great ones. I welcomed my 2 oldest children home and then held back the tears as I sent them on their way once again. I met my newborn son, John Benjamin, just 2 1/2 weeks after my cousin Benjamin Paul went home to be with Jesus much too soon. I felt guilt for the fact that I was gaining a son as my Uncle lost his. I fought for weeks with prodromal labor before finally being induced and being lucky enough to win a dural puncture. We moved into a new home while I was recovering from childbirth & breastfeeding. At 35 weeks pregnant I somehow didn't have a nervous breakdown when a wild fire blazed behind our home & my 3 children cried in fear. (Didn't say I wasn't crying too...)

I could go on and on, but my point is that thanks to God I survived. Was it the hardest time of my life? Not even close. But that's what makes it that much more beautiful. God is there when things are good, bad, and also mixed up somewhere in between. He's just that awesome, and I'm so grateful for that.

It's been awhile...

A watched pot never boils....

Nor does a timed uterus contract.

Yes, Crystal, I really did come up with that on my own.

The Home Stretch...

Finally! We're almost there!

I've had a couple of personal countdowns going on lately. 3 major ones especially. All of them are closing in, and I cannot tell you how happy and relieved I am that the D-days are getting closer!

1: Jeff and Becca arrive in just a little more than a week. It's going to feel so amazing to have all of my babies under one roof and know when I lay my head down at night that they are all just down the hall. (Well, except for the one that is with me constantly, but we'll get to that in a minute.) Even though it's only temporary, I will enjoy it thoroughly!

2: By the day Jeff and Becca arrive I hope to launch The Carnahan Family website. As I've stated before, this has been 2 years in the making. It will definitely always be a "work in progress" as there are always more pictures to be found/scanned/snapped etc. But the majority will be complete. On the agenda now is to finish sorting/tagging/labeling the photos, complete the message board, and set up a home page. (ATTENTION: This site is going to be stalker proof. Not stalker retardant or resistant. Proof. I hate to disappoint, but no. You will not be able to find out added information about Bobby or I on that website unless you are an approved user. Sorry, gotta draw the line on stalker access at some point. No fun, I know. Especially since our other family site is "down" and this is pretty much the only "public" site left.)

3: Last, but certainly not least, the arrival of Johnny D. As of yesterday, I am not only 29 weeks pregnant but he has dropped. Yes, this has added some more discomfort. (I've been on a hiatus from life as it seems since last Monday when I ended up in L&D for a pulled round ligament muscle and sciatic nerve pain.) However, I'm getting to where I realize it's not too much longer that I'll have this baby under my heart. I'm enjoying every kick and squirm. Even at night, though I wish he'd let me sleep a little more since I know he's going to be keeping me up at all hours once he arrives. I can't wait to hold my new baby, see what he looks like, introduce him to his brothers and sister... and not have to hear one more single person whine and complain about his name, the spelling, what nickname he will go by, or what they think the name should be or sounds like! It will be on a legal document and done! And if you complain then, well, you're just being cruel to a sweet little innocent baby who never did anything to you. (Whew, sorry... don't know where that came from... silly hormones...)

With all 3 of these exciting events, I feel so blessed to be a part. God has truly blessed me. I have an amazing husband with whom I have amazing children, and came from an amazing family. (It's all just AMAZING!)

Sometimes in everyday life, it's easy to forget just where you came from, and why you are where you are. Thankfully, I can say I'm in a good place. I know this is so mostly because of the prayers of my grandparents, parents, other family members, and good friends along the way. I was raised in a Godly home and instilled with values that will never leave me. Though some of us have drifted due to time and distance, by starting this website I've begun keeping up with other relatives that I might not have otherwise and feel blessed to have those connections. Who knows what else will come of it? Maybe nothing, but you never know.

So here I go, down the last stretch of road. I am so looking forward to just sitting back and enjoying what I've worked for and what God has given me. It's going to be good. I just pray that God keeps his hand on my little (though I guess a family of 5 isn't so little, is it...) family (my big extended one too!) as all these countdowns come to an end. It will be so nice to have something tangible from each once they are all 3 complete. :)

Feel Like Laughing? Crying? Throwing Something? Cleaning Your Entire House Top To Bottom?

I hereby declare this pregnancy hormone awareness day!!! (Go through the videos in order for full effect...)

First, the song Bobby sang to me the night we got married. I know, awww... It just happened to be playing in the limo, and being nervous he sang along. This song always just makes me smile.




Now, to make you sad: You have to watch them in the exact order... Better yet, look them up for better quality versions...







Stop what you're doing! Put down the knife! Do NOT slit your wrists! "But why?!" You ask? "WHY did we have to go from happy to sad in 1.2 seconds flat?" I'll tell you why... Because that's what it's like! Not fun, is it?

Now, cheer up and watch this:



Fun! YAY! Happy! Weird, creepy, silly, but HAPPY!

Everyone getting on your nerves?





Angry and ticked, huh? But at least you feel vindicated... Don't be mad at me! I could have used a lot of worse songs just to make you feel anger! Trust me!

OK, Ignore the weird graphics...



Naturally, you worry just what that baby will look like...



Then you remember, everything will be fine...



Besides, if you're having one of Bobby's kids at least, it's inevitable...





That was just strange, and you can't explain it. You don't feel bad, but not quite like yourself either...

But who cares, you're STARVING!!!!



Now you're feeling sleepy...



What just happened? Why is it every time you fall asleep you wake up more confused? Stupid pregnancy dreams...




WAKE UP! You're nesting! Time to CLEAN!



Your husband thinks you are most certainly and definitely CRAZY!



Would not be complete without this...



Who doesn't feel happy and complete after hearing "Hysteria"? Oh yeah, that's just me... anyways...

And now, for at least a few moments...



But, here you are, and it is well...



And now, you have officially experienced a full mood swing. Congratulations! Were you truly pregnant, you would feel this way CONSTANTLY... never ending... it's such a beautiful process, isn't it? That's why to your husband you dedicate this:

I'm A Blubbering Idiot: At The Very Most, To Say The Very Least...

Adventures in incubating...

Yesterday Tommy & I ran to the store, and on the way home I decided to listen to the radio. Well, first song to make me cry, naturally, was Darius Rucker's "It Won't Be Like This For Long". I have 3 children, and often long for those days I just couldn't wait to pass... like the first night home with each of them. There I was, bawling on the freeway, while Tommy "sang" along in his car seat behind me.



Well, here's where it gets even stupider... more stupid... whatever! (You don't even know how to SPELL! (What I apparently yelled at my sweet husband in my sleep last night...))

When Bobby and I had been married about 6 months or so, his first father's day as Jeff & Becca's step dad, he made a list of songs he wanted me to hear that either he just liked in general or reminded him of me while I made him a father's day dinner. One was a Brad Paisley song. Since then when I have heard it, I kind of think "awww". Well, yesterday a DIFFERENT Brad Paisley song played on the radio... and there I was, deliriously confused and sobbing at how lucky I am to have him and how far we've come in the last 2 years and 4 months... It wasn't until HOURS later that I realized IT WASN'T EVEN THE RIGHT SONG! Boy, did I feel stupid. I cried for NOTHING! He laughed at this when I told him, I was mad. Gotta love hormones....

So, tell me, which Brad Paisley song do you think was the right one, and which one the wrong?

You're So Vain, You Probably Think This Blog Is About YOU!

Thank you to Kathy for the idea of the title of this blog some time ago...

So, I must admit in public now that I am slightly obsessed with make up, even though I don't wear it every day. Yes, I still keep it all in a caboodle (purple marble with a hot pink handle) and it contains mostly eye shadows & eye liners. I wouldn't say I'm vain though... If anything I have a low self esteem that I battle with every single day. I just wanted to use that blog title idea, lol.

Speaking of vanity, why is it such human nature to assume that when you read something that refers to the "general you", one must assume it is personally directed at them. Vice versa, why do some people say that something is not directed at anyone but the general public, but it is actually directed at one single group or person?

Why, as humans, and I do mean the general public here... I AM NOT TARGETING ANYONE! (Ahem, don't be vain...) do we feel the need to be so mean and/or cruel to others just because they hurt our feelings or we disagree? Everyone has been guilty of it at some point in time. Most know when to stop and not drag things on. Naturally, everyone has a right to vent or be upset... But, by golly, I've known some people who carry things on and out for so much longer than necessary. Why?! Do you not feel that you are valuable enough as a person to deserve being happy? Such bitterness only drags one down. You aren't hurting anyone but yourself as I'm sure the others don't think much of it, and you're certainly just depressing yourself.

Another vanity topic...

What is with the obsession with weight during pregnancy and postpartum? I swear it is so much more now than it was when I had Jeff and Becca. Then again, maybe it's because I was in another part of the country and not in Southern California. I've been blessed to only gain 4lbs so far with this pregnancy (I started out a little heavy as I was still working on losing weight from my pregnancy with Tommy... and it was the holidays... and Bobby and I had put on some "marital bliss" weight right before I got pregnant with Tommy...) but I've heard of women DIETING or obsessing over calories during pregnancy! Heaven forbid you not be skin and bones after you deliver! Surely, you MUST wear your jeans 3 months after delivery! What will you do if you don't ever fit into a size small again? What will everyone think if you have a slight pudge on your tummy or thighs 6 months after your baby is born? And to still have that weight 2 years later? WHAT A TRAGEDY?! Why don't people think of the tragedy that is a sick newborn? No one wants to think about the pain and suffering a premature infant goes through... What about brain or physical development being damaged due to your "ego"? Grrr... some people should never be allowed to be parents.

I could go on and on with this... but I think I've already let my hormones say enough. I'm going to shut up... NOW!

I Am Blessed...

A great many things have occurred not only in my life, but in the lives of those I know and love... and even some I've never met... to cause me to once again realize just how blessed I truly am lately. While I always "know" in my heart that I'm blessed, I don't take for granted the reminders that sometimes have to be put in front of me.

• God has given me a caring husband, who would never hurt me and (almost) always thinks of my feelings. (He is human, after all...)
• My children are healthy. While my oldest 2 may not live under my roof most of the year, they are most certainly healthy and safe.
• I am healthy. Sure, a little overweight with annoying acne and gallstones. But nothing life threatening.
• I have a family that loves me.
• I have friends that seem to be there when I need them.
• My church is amazing and a great place to attend worship. Always involved with reaching out not only to those who attend, but to the surrounding community also.
• I have a roof over my head. We may have a pincher bug invasion under way, but it's a cute old house that I still love and will continue to love until we maybe hopefully someday buy a cute new house, lol. We have heat when it's cold, air conditioning when it's hot, and electricity with running hot/cold water.
• I'm never hungry for any longer than necessary. There is food in my pantry.

I really could continue this list on and on and on and on... But I think I made the point that was needed. Never take anything for granted. Just because it is here today, it may not be tomorrow. Love your loved ones, appreciate the small things, and never forget that tomorrow everything can change.

Further on that note, I would like to send out my condolences to Linda Truesdale and family on the passing of her husband Larry yesterday. I have known them both most of my life. While we all know that Larry is in the presence of Jesus, he will be missed.

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Jared! Wow, you're like, 26... who knew you'd make it this far without severing a limb or something? Be thankful! LOL

Oops, it's been a month!

Wow, those last few weeks flew by! So fast, I forgot to blog!

Probably because I had a few weeks of really great bursts of energy. I accomplished so much that I was wanting to get done, and even some things that I didn't plan on. Now, though, I'm back to the pregnant with lack of energy state. So here I sit, just for today at least, with plans to do nothing whatsoever but nap and veg out.

What all has happened in the last month? OH SO MUCH! Let's see... (No specific order... and of course, the news involving my children is the most exciting...)

• Took another trip to Disneyland. (I had wanted to go more, but was unable to since I was finishing up all those above mentioned projects...)
• Had Tommy's first birthday party.
• Ikea had tax free days. (WOOHOO!)
• Bobby had serious dental work done, and will again tomorrow.
• Found out the gender of our new baby, which entailed discussing names, shopping, and setting up gift registries. (It's another boy, by the way. No, we're still not done. 2 more!)
• Jeff turned 8! YIKES!
• Discovered I have gallstones, and just how painful they can be.
• Much much more, but my tired brain just doesn't want to think...

Eventful this month has been. (Thank you, Yoda, for using me in such a way.) And even more eventful will this month and the month after... and after that... etc... will be! After this weekend I believe we have 2 "free" weekends before every weekend is booked until it is almost time for Jeff and Becca to get here for the summer! Yikes! And after they leave? It'll be my due date!

Just thinking about all this has made me so tired that I forgot what I was going to blog about before I started typing and got distracted... maybe I'll be back to blog more later...

If the month is shorter, why aren't my bills cheaper?

So here I am, writing a quick blog as Tommy sits next to me on his horsey. He loves this toy! He's also been carrying on "conversations" with me as he sits here. I was working on my "to do" list for the next week and when I would ask him if I was forgetting anything he would exclaim "YEAH!" I'd then ask, "Okay, what is it?" He would then go on with what appeared to be a tangent or an excitable need using hand gestures and all. Bobby and I were laughing so hard, trying to guess by his hand gestures what he could be saying. Break dancing? Learn Karate? Do the robot? He needs Ritalin already? There is no telling, but this kid is so much fun. He brings back so many memories of Jeff and Becca at this age, but yet all three are so different.

Also, just as my children are all different, so are my pregnancies. So many people, my Dr included, refer to me as an "expert" or such in this area. Yes, I do have quite a bit of experience from all of my pregnancies, miscarriages, childbirths, and newborn care. But expert? Just last night I was thinking "I have no idea what to do!" No, it wasn't an emergency. I just seem to be carrying very differently than I have with any of my other pregnancies. None of my pants fit right! I had to go out and buy a new pair that have a different belly panel than any other pair I've had so that I didn't feel confined. I'm much more tired than I remember being with any of the others, and the pregnancy dreams are different also. Every child is a gift from God, I just can't help but wonder what God has in store for this child and our family. So exciting!

I can never blog enough about how blessed I am to have the man I married. He's been in so much agony this week with health & dental issues but still makes an effort to pitch in and be a supporting husband & father. In today's world, this is such a blessing. So many men only care about themselves. I hope I never take him for granted, though I doubt I will because each day he does something that reminds me how lucky I am... and I doubt he even realizes it.

I can't believe in 2 weeks both of my little boys will be a year older. Their birthdays are just 2 days apart. Tommy will be 1, but Jeff, my first baby, will be 8. I still remember 8 years ago right now, being 1 day from my due date and crying, begging, pleading with him to JUST BE BORN! At the time I just couldn't wait to hold him and kiss him and love him forever. Now I'd do anything to hug him everyday. He knows Mommy loves him though.

Tommy's birthday party planning is just about done. I've purchased all the decorations and favors. The day before the party we'll buy the food, etc. Sometime today or tomorrow Bobby and I plan to go down and order the cake. It's gonna be such a fun day!

One little tidbit I need to throw in... I have found that all I need to make me smile, whether I'm happy, sad, or somewhere in between (which could be all of those in 5 minutes thanks to stupid pregnancy hormones, lol), is Tommy touching his belly button and saying "beddybuddon!" He doesn't seem to realize it is two words, and he's so serious when he says it that I can't help but giggle. Now I'm working on teaching him to say "one" and hold up his index finger when someone asks how old he is. He could care. LOL.

Well, time for me to log off of here! Have lots to do and need to start preparing things for dinner. I promised Bobby oven fried potatoes and eggs. (The recipe can be found here.) They are rather scrumptious and have quickly become a favorite in our home!

I'm sorry, but I do have self respect.

Bobby sent this to me today. Say a prayer for him, so that when I smack him on the back of the head as he returns home I will not do too much damage.



Needless to say, I will NOT be trying out "The Prego Shuffle". Thank you very much!

Wow, it's February already!

So, here I am... no excuse as to why I haven't blogged except that I just don't have much energy for anything. Being the pregnancy veteran that I am, I know this won't last much longer, but it's just getting so old. As a matter of fact, I'm forcing myself to sit here and type now just as I forced myself to do some things around the house this morning even though my body was telling me to take a nap. (Don't worry, I'll listen to my body and take a nap in a few minutes... I know it's for a reason.)

Part of me wants to say not much has been going on around here, but then when I really think about it A LOT has been going on...

Tommy is getting REALLY good at communicating. He seems to amazingly understand just about everything we say now. I love asking him a question and watching him react by either doing what I asked him to do or answering me with real or made up words.

Last week I had my first OB appointment and had a quick ultrasound. It was confirmed that there was only ONE baby (Thank you Jesus!) and that he or she is growing just as they should be. At the end of March I will be having the "big" ultrasound. Full exam of the baby and the exciting revealing of the gender. Part of me wants another boy, another part a girl. This is the first time I have not wanted one gender more than the other. I got exactly what I wanted with the other three, so we shall see. Bobby, naturally, wants another boy. If this baby is a boy, his name has already been picked out... you're just dying to know what it is, aren't you? LOL

This last weekend we finally got a new mattress for our bed. It got so bad that we were at the point of barely sleeping in it. Now we are able to REST at night without MASSIVE BACK PAIN. It's been wonderful.

The planning of Tommy's 1st Birthday Party is underway. It looks like it'll mostly be adults so far, but that's ok. We're going with a Sesame Street theme and keeping the guest list to family. It makes me sad that Jeff won't be here, since their birthdays are only 2 days apart and it would be so fun to have a combined birthday, but I'm sure one day they'll be able to celebrate together at some point.

My morning to night sickness is still with us, but is lightening up slowly but surely. From my past experiences, I know it'll disappear a little more when I get my energy back. I'm really looking forward to this occurance in the next few weeks, but I have a feeling Bobby is even more excited about it.

So now I'm going to go rest and take my nap. I may or may not blog later about a recent trend that is a big pet peeve of mine...

I know this blog is just oh so interesting... get over it.

Almost The Weekend!

It's finally Thursday! This week has not gone how I thought it would. It hasn't been "bad", just wasn't what I expected.

First off, I was wrong. Tommy didn't need shots. But the poor little man did have an ear infection. I was shocked! The Dr told me there was no way to tell as he wasn't showing any symptoms, but I still felt like a jerk for not knowing. He's on antibiotics 3 times a day and recovering very well. In the beginning he had a bit of a runny nose (that I thought was from teething) that is nearly gone.

Did I mention he took 3 steps on his own last Saturday? He's growing up so fast! He seems to say new words every day and tries to sound like he's saying a lot more. He's such a handsome and funny little guy!

My sinus infection is A LOT better! It feels so good to breath again! Thank God! And thank you so much to those of you that prayed for me, I appreciate it. Now, if this morning sickness would just let up... Out of all of my pregnancies, I'd say the worst morning sickness was with Jeffrey. However, this one is quickly catching up. Thomas was so easy on me that I thought maybe it just gets easier with each baby for me. NOPE! I was wrong... so here I am, finding out every day that I have more and more aversions for things. Something new every day makes me disgusted. The last 2 nights I've only been able to eat dinner if I started it off with a quesadilla. My energy levels are ridiculously low also. Bobby and I joke that it must be twins... but then I wonder "What if it really is?" and freak out a little. I've decided to ignore entertaining this joke/thought until my first ultrasound... especially since for the same reasons it was predicted Jeff was twins, and obviously he was not. All complaining and annoyances aside though, I feel so blessed to be having another baby. Poor Bobby though... he's so patient with me. I'm so lucky to have him, caring for me when I feel my worst without complaint though I can tell he'd rather be doing ANYTHING else.

It's going to be so nice to do "nothing" this weekend. Sure, I've gotta go to the grocery store at some point and maybe a little house work, but we have no absolute plans other than church on Sunday. Wait... I don't think we do! Maybe I should double check...

And there is Tommy's whimper letting me know that nap time is over for him, and computer time is over for me...

I've survived...

So the last few days I've had a horrid sinus infection... and I'm finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Whew! The problem is that I still have morning sickness... more pronounced even. Oh well, that's ok. I guess.

Bobby was amazing about taking care of both Tommy and I this weekend. I feel bad that he didn't really get to relax over the weekend. Hopefully this weekend things will be back to "normal".

Today I have to take Tommy in for his check up and shots. Poor little guy! He's fighting taking a nap right now though he desperately needs it. He's certainly going to wish he took a nap later today when we are at the Dr's office.

I finally decided on an OB and hospital this weekend. I'm still kind of in "shock" over this pregnancy, but it's starting to kick in also. On Saturday I had to go into Urgent Care for my infection and the way the Dr was discussing my pregnancy kind of made it more real. Wow, we're really going to have another baby!

I've really been missing Jeff and Becca a lot more than usual lately. Hopefully next month we'll be able to head up there for a visit. Fingers crossed!

I can't believe I've developed an aversion for garlic. What kind of world is this where I actually don't want anything to do with garlic?! It's a sick joke!

Well, time to start packing the diaper bag and getting me and Tommy ready. Hope all of you (Kathy) are doing well! LOL

P.S. "The Cloak" didn't work. ;)

Well well well...

Christmas is over. :(

That was fast, as it always is. Just as soon as I get used to the rush and excitement it's time to wind it up. I shopped, wrapped, baked cookies, decorated the house, made Christmas dinner, and watched quite a few Christmas movies. I was shocked with how well I stayed organized, lol. But we really did have a nice Christmas Season this year. Though it was hard not having Jeff and Becca here, I knew they were having a blast at their Dad's and found peace in that.

Thomas LOVED opening presents, and even more so enjoyed realizing that those presents were toys. Bobby was happy with the gifts he received, as was I.

Thankfully, I made it through most of the month without my morning sickness escalating too much. I kept praying "Just let me make it through Christmas without getting too sick..." Well, that's how it went! After dinner Christmas Day it hit and it's barely let up for a few moments here and there since then. But that's OK, it's all worth it for us to be able to add on to our family the way we'd like to. I'm starting to feel more and more pregnant and getting more excited. It's so hard to believe that I'm going through all of this again already, but in a way nice since I did this recently it's a little more familiar than that last gap of 5 years.

I told Jeff and Becca over the phone this morning that they were going to have another brother or sister. Becca was excited and shocked. "You aren't supposed to have another baby until Thomas is 3." Where she got this from, I'm not sure. Her and Jeff are 22 months apart and others that she knows have had babies closer together. The only thing I can think of is that I may have said something similar right after I had Thomas (We're talking a week or so...) when she asked if we could have another one right then. She said she was excited as long as I have a girl this time. I told her it's up to God and that maybe he'll answer her prayers for a baby sister. When Jeff heard he thought I was joking, though he also asked for another baby this last Summer. I wonder when he'll realize I'm not lying... and what he'll think about it.

On top of it all... The excitement of the holidays and my pregnancy along with the upcoming New Year, Bobby and I are celebrating our 2ND wedding anniversary. 2 years ago today Bobby and I drove up to Vegas and got married. It was the best decision I've ever made and he's been such a gift to me. I'm so lucky that I get to spend the rest of my life with him and thank God every day for bringing Bobby my way. He gave me a card on Christmas Eve claiming I was the best Christmas Gift he ever received (we met right before Christmas), however I'm pretty sure he stole this line from me and though I LOVED the card, I do believe he was my gift. The one that nothing else will ever compare to.

This blog has really been nothing but a ramble. Think I care? Not really. Hope you all had a great Christmas and have a Happy New Year!

Morning Sickness = 0 Angie = 1

HAHA! Take that!!! I WILL beat you! Taste my chicken nuggets of fury and dwell in my sprite forever! I will crush you with my sea bands and punch you with preggie pops!

Um... sorry... hormones got away from me again...